Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Still finding my daughter's underwear in SS's room!

Previously I had asked what everyone thought about the discovery of a large shoe box in my SS's(13 y/o) room that contained 21 pairs of my 9 y/o DD's (half sister) underwear and 15 pairs of mine, along with some of my other undergarments. Since then I have made 3 discoveries in his room of my daughter's underwear again. Tonight I found a pair of her underwear, training bra, and her bathing suit bottom hiding in a mini recliner chair in his room! I am at my wits end! I am trying to be a mom here, but I just don't think I should keep this responsibility on myself anymore, and the thought of this behavior escalating frightens me, as this boy is taller than me now! His father is in prison, and I'm not taking him back due to years of his mistreatment toward me. How do I approach this woman and make it clear that she needs to step up and take her son back and be a responsible mother?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:00 AM on Dec. 21, 2008 in Tweens (9-12)

Answers (18)
  • Do whatever you have to do to protect your daughter, whether giving him back to his mom or putting him in a facility for some heavy duty counseling. This is the beginning of devious sexual behavior and your first responsibility is to your daughter.
    hgibsonorc

    Answer by hgibsonorc at 12:33 AM on Dec. 21, 2008

  • You need to do something now before its too late. He is obviously sexually preocupied, and might be planning something. I would get him out of the house and change the locks.
    Yve538

    Answer by Yve538 at 1:23 AM on Dec. 21, 2008

  • I remember reading your post and being worried then, and I'm really worried now. I would say that you need to maybe contact a counselor and see what they say to do. Maybe you can get help in contacting his biological mother. All I know is that your girls need protected, and quickly.
    tiffanyp1980

    Answer by tiffanyp1980 at 2:23 AM on Dec. 21, 2008

  • OK I REMEMBER THIS BEFORE IF ANYTHING HAPPENS TO YOUR GIRLS YOUR TO BLAME FOR KEEPING HIM THERE !!! GET HIM OUT IT'S SICK HE NEEDS HELP YOU CAN NOT HELP HIM SO DON'T TRY TO GO TO CHILD SERVICE IF YOU HAVE TO YOUR CHILDREN COME FIRST !!! GO GET HELP TO GET HIM OUT AND GOOD LUCK !
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:15 AM on Dec. 21, 2008

  • This isn't something I would like to talk about infront of other people, email me please so I can get a good feel and give you some adivise. my name is Alarice I work in behavioral health with children and adults, a friend of mine showed me your post.email me as soon as you get this, I check my emails daily, I live in CT. alarice@peoplepc.com
    Alarice

    Answer by Alarice at 10:48 AM on Dec. 21, 2008

  • HE NEEDS HELP. THATS HOW IT STARTS HON. I THINK U MAY HAVE A HUGE PROBLEM, BUT U MUST THINK OF YOUR GIRLS. HE MAY GET TIRED OF THE FANTASY ( THUS THE UNDERWEAR ETC) AND TRY FOR REALITY CAUSE THE FANTASY ISN'T ENOUGH ANYMORE. I WISH U THE BEST FROM MY WHOLE HEART , BUT I THINK HE SHOULD BE IN A MENTAL HEALTH FACITITY BEFORE HE HURTS SOMEONE OR EVEN HIMSELF. GOOD LUCK DEAR. I HOPE THIS DOESN'T SOUND MEAN NOT MEANT TO BE.TRYING TO HELP!
    RUSTI44

    Answer by RUSTI44 at 2:17 PM on Dec. 21, 2008

  • Thanks Anon 3:15 AM
    Of course there is more to the story than I can pose in a question here. This boy's mother has also given up her three younger children to their father. My SS has been in my life since he was a baby, calls me mom, and refers to his mother by her first name. I have had talks with my youngest DD about inappropriate touch even if it is by someone she wouldn't want to "tell on" She is outspoken and I know that her and I have good rapport that she would tell me if anything happened that she wasn't comfortable with. I'm not sitting on my a** doing nothing about the situation.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:19 PM on Dec. 21, 2008

  • My problem is that I have been the most reliable person in my SS's life, and I'm sure it would be devasting to him if I "abandon" him. I tried, but I do realize that my two DD's safety and security come first, along with mine. That is my ultimate goal. I'm trying to figure out how to approach this woman who doesn't seem to give a sh*t for any of her children.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:19 PM on Dec. 21, 2008

  • i think you need to talk to a father of boys on this one, its clear this young man needs a healthy father figure in his life, and as women none of us know what goes the the mind of a thirteen year old boy
    find a good male friend that you can talk to, he could give you better advise on how to deal withthis than we could
    bi-polarmommy

    Answer by bi-polarmommy at 4:43 PM on Dec. 21, 2008

  • hubby says what your son needs most is a healthy male influence in his life and counceling to help deal with issues, his hormons are going through the roof and there is no one there to guide him in what is wrong and what is right in this, he is also concerned for your and your daughters safety because his curiousty will go further eventually, contact a mental health professional in your area ASAP, and also contact Big Brothers for him, or if you have any close male friends, maybe they can help fill this void in his life
    bi-polarmommy

    Answer by bi-polarmommy at 5:02 PM on Dec. 21, 2008

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Cafemom Join now to connect to other members! Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN