Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Would you go back to a toxic relationship if you had no other choice?

I left my children's father because the relationship was very unhealthy for me.I'm staying with my sister but have to move by the 28!I have no other place to go and was just going to move to GA where things are more affordable for me. Today my god sister(who's in GA) tried to insinuate that I should go back to my children father,I really don't want to. Would you?Im a strong woman and feel I could make it without him!

Answer Question
 
ICanOnlyBeMeT

Asked by ICanOnlyBeMeT at 12:14 AM on Dec. 21, 2008 in Relationships

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (19)
  • I don't know what you mean by toxic. If he is in anyway abusive or unfaithful, no. Do NOT go back. The example you would give your children would be detrimental.

    If by toxic you mean he doesn't "do it" for you anymore, then I would reconsider.
    My Grandmother always said "if a man ever lays a hand on you in anger, you leave. Then. Don't ever look back." She was so right. I just wish I knew why she drummed it into me so hard.
    lovinangels

    Answer by lovinangels at 12:20 AM on Dec. 21, 2008

  • What I mean by toxic is there was a lot of arguing,fighting,cursing and everything else you could imagine.My daughter was scared and cried every time we fought. The last argument was enough for me and I decided to leave.My kids happiness comes first.
    ICanOnlyBeMeT

    Answer by ICanOnlyBeMeT at 12:23 AM on Dec. 21, 2008

  • If you feel in your heart that you shouldn't go back, then don't. You CAN make it on your own and you CAN create a healthy life for you and your child. If you go back, you may feel that you have degressed from your ultimate goal. Follow your heart.
    hgibsonorc

    Answer by hgibsonorc at 12:27 AM on Dec. 21, 2008

  • HELL NO! Going back to a toxic relationship really means that I've got my own poisons that I don't wanna deal with. It's been a process for me to learn the cliche of "A flea has no power without a host, don't feed off of or feed into." The more time I spend on improving myself, the less chance I have of making an unhealthy decision or attracting fleas! When you get sick and tired of being sick and tired, no one will have to tell you to not go back. You will have had enough pain.
    Ewadun

    Answer by Ewadun at 12:29 AM on Dec. 21, 2008

  • Thank you for the answers.,just needed to hear that right now!I was really peeved at my godsister for insinuating that I go back and trying to discourage me from moving to GA.I don't have anyone to talk to so trust me when I say your answers help!
    ICanOnlyBeMeT

    Answer by ICanOnlyBeMeT at 12:33 AM on Dec. 21, 2008

  • Then don' t walk, Run! Your gut is right on. Your baby is learning how a man should treat her and that's not it. Plus that kind of behavior escalates.
    You will be fine. I did it at the ripe old age of twenty and am now happily married.
    lovinangels

    Answer by lovinangels at 12:34 AM on Dec. 21, 2008

  • there are ways to get out on your own with out going back to your husband....i just got out of 8 years of pure hell with my husband....and it was far from easy.....but i was determined not to go back and even though im on a fixed income we are doing better than ever....we have food on the table roof over our heads and my kids were spoiled with toys for x mas....if there is a will there is a way....sometimes the harder road is the better choice and believe me it was hard there were times i wondered if all the pain and struggle is worth it but in the end it was and it only gets better from here on out....call your local human service agencies and see what they can provide...or look at a town you want to move to...there is help and if you look hard enough you will find it good luck
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:35 AM on Dec. 21, 2008

  • Well thank god we weren't married.I have tried all the human services in NY to get help but no one could helped me. That's why I opted to move to GA where it is cheaper that New York.I know it will be rough but I'll make it. Really don't know what my godsister problem is.
    ICanOnlyBeMeT

    Answer by ICanOnlyBeMeT at 12:40 AM on Dec. 21, 2008

  • No do not go back. You can do it on your own. Have faith in yourself and do this for your children. It will make the life for all of you ALOT better.

    virginiamama71

    Answer by virginiamama71 at 12:41 AM on Dec. 21, 2008

  • You said you have tried human service organizations? Have you tried a women's crisis center specifically set up for domestic violence? Fighting, screaming, cussing, as I don't have to imagine because I have been in those shoes living it day in & out apply. If he is a bully & pushes his weight around in any manner then I don't blame you & YOU can do this. If I could anyone can. Hope you find the resources you need to get your feet on the ground.

    strongmom40

    Answer by strongmom40 at 1:14 AM on Dec. 21, 2008

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.