Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Does anyone else feel closer to their oldest than their youngest?

My oldest will be 3 next month, and she is the light of my life. We are truly 2 peas in a pod. I consider her my best friend. While I absolutely love my 11 mo, somehow I just don't feel quite the same way about her. She has a bit of an attitude, and isn't real cuddly. Anyone else feel this way or have any advice?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 2:28 AM on Dec. 21, 2008 in General Parenting

Answers (10)
  • All children are different. Some are cuddly, some are not. They change though. It seems they have their ups and downs. What I wouldn't do is label a child yet though. Don't say things like what you just said to either child or in any way that they might hear you, as you could severly damage their psychs.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:32 AM on Dec. 21, 2008

  • My oldest is seven and I definitely have more of a bond with him than I do with my 2 year old girl. I really feel badly about this, but it just feels like something has been missing with her from day one. I have been working on it, though so I am hoping I can have as strong as a bond with her as I do with my son:)

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:32 AM on Dec. 21, 2008

  • I only have one and love him to death. This question and answers are really scaring me about a second.

    Answer by momofpurebliss at 2:36 AM on Dec. 21, 2008

  • I was the oldest, and when my sister was born then she and my mom became "2 peas in a pod". I was basically left out of everything, and often ignored by my mom for my sister. When I became a teenager I was looking for someone (anyone) to love me, which lead me to make many unwise choices.
    Just be careful, really sucks to be the one who is left out. :(

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:37 AM on Dec. 21, 2008

  • i agree with momofpurebliss lol so much for

    Answer by vadasmom at 2:43 AM on Dec. 21, 2008

  • (I'm a mom with 4 grown kids) I think it might be normal to feel a little differently towards your first, just because they WERE your first. I'm probably closest to my oldest son. Of course I love them all, and differently, because they are different people. I did have some problems in my own mind with it when they were small, but I think once you start to appreciate the people they are becoming, as individuals, it will work itself out. Like the other moms have said, just be careful not to start labling them as "the smart one" "the funny one" "the moody one"...#1 because it can be damaging to them in some ways (although I believe kids are tougher than we give them credit for sometimes) and #2 because they change a lot in a lifetime.

    Answer by leeceeann at 2:47 AM on Dec. 21, 2008

  • I feel the same vadas. I'm so content with my son and I love him so much...he's such a perfect baby. I don't know if I will have anymore because his brother/sister will have super high standards to live up to and I don't want to favor my kids.

    Answer by britni11 at 2:49 AM on Dec. 21, 2008

  • I also have been thinking a lot with this pregnancy how important bonding is. I had my twins when my son was only 18 months not only where they whisked away at birth because they were small, I was so busy once I got home that I didn't feel I had the time to fully appreciate the beautiful things....I was so young then. The same with my daughter...I had 3 toddlers in the house when she was born, and I was just so tired all the time. Just keep loving them, which you obviously do...and I think your family will be just fine!

    Answer by leeceeann at 2:51 AM on Dec. 21, 2008

  • I feel the exact same way. I always thought that it was because my second pregnancy wasnt planned and I was really disappointed. I always thought it would get better when she was born but it didnt. She is now five months old and at times I feel like I will never love her the same as my oldest. My oldest and I are best friends and I cant go a day without her. But with my youngest I dont mind if DH takes her for the day. I am trying to work on it and spend more time with my youngest in hopes that it will change my ways.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:34 AM on Dec. 21, 2008

  • Wow........I dont know if I could say the things you all have out loud. My girls are 17 years apart. I have a very different relationship with them. I was 19 when I had my oldest and was a thousand miles from friends and family. My ex husband was young too and not very supportive. It was a bad situation for everyone. My oldest was a very high maintanice baby, toddler and well she is 23 and still high maintance. My 6 year old is from a differnt situation. Our life is much more relaxed. Finances are much better and my husband is very involved. Do I love my youngest more? I love my youngest differently. My situation is different. She is a easier kid to deal with.

    Answer by mistynights234 at 10:32 AM on Dec. 21, 2008

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.