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Are you happy that you were adopted?

I worry that my daughter is going to grow up feeling unwanted because she is adopted. Of course, she is very wanted, my husband and I love her more than anything...I would just like to hear from some other adoptees, are you content with your life? Do you love your adoptive parents? Do you want to or have you met your birth family?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:17 AM on Jul. 14, 2008 in Adoption

This question is closed.
Answers (5)
  • I was adopted at three months old. It is the best thing that ever happened to me. My adoptive Parents are my "real" parents. My adoptive family is my "real" family. I do not ever remember finding out that I was adopted - I just always knew. I know that my birth Mother & Father give me the BEST present anyone could have given me and my Parents. My Parents tried for years to have a baby, with no luck. I know that I am incredibly blessed to have the BEST Parents in the world.

    One thing that my parents started was honoring the adoption date as an Anniversary for us. We get Anniversary cards for each other (I am now 35), I get roses delivered to me at my work from them, and we go out for dinner. (I honestly thought that was what all adoptive families did to celebrate the occasion - I recently found out that is not the case.)

    Amy

    amybeth1218

    Answer by amybeth1218 at 8:08 PM on Jul. 14, 2008

  • I am 41 and am adopted. I love my birth parents. I know my birth mother.

    Knowing my birth mother and her family, I can honestly say that being adopted was probably better than not. However, I have struggled with abandonment issues for my entire life.

    Even though my (adopted) parents always told me how much they loved and wanted me, somehow being "chosen" also carried with it an unspoken, but implied "and we can send you back."


    My abandonment issues didn't really get bad until I had my own children, and couldn't imagine how or why someone would give their own child away.

    Good luck with your daughter. I recommend that you pick up a copy of "The Primal Wound" by Nancy Verrier - it was written by an adoptive mother because her adopted daughter was going through terrible pain over being adopted. It might help you to understand what your daughter might one day go through.
    lawmom623

    Answer by lawmom623 at 9:32 AM on Jul. 14, 2008

  • I just wanted to add this - but ran out of allotted characters.

    I haven't ever truly wanted to meet my birth Parents. I do think of them on my birthday and the anniversary of my adoption. I wonder if they think of me. I would love to have them know that I know they made the ultimate sacrifice for me. I would want them to know that I grew up in an incredibly loving family and because of that I am a loving and caring adult. I would thank them immensely.

    The only thing that sometimes makes me sad, is that I do not know anyone who looks like me. (I have a step-son whom I love to death, but he doesn't look like me.) That is the only item that saddens me at times.

    Congratulations on your adoption! Please e-mail me with any questions you have. Your child is very blessed and so are you!
    Amy
    amybeth1218

    Answer by amybeth1218 at 8:18 PM on Jul. 14, 2008

  • I'm not sure if youre asking if the adoptee is happy with the adoptive family - or - happy they lost their Original family(?)

    Please let your daughter have any and all feelings she has about being adopted. Don't demand that she be thrilled that her mother gave her away, or, that shes not dancing in the street that she will never be your "real" child.

    Being either given (or) taken from your Original family hurts. Don't take it personally, it's really not about how good of a parent you are. It's about all that we lost in adoption- before being adopted (and then, all that we gained). Have empathy, and validate all your daughters emotions about being an adoptee. Don't make her stuff those emotions down and make her paste on a happy smile about being adopted. Don't think that she is bitter or angry or ungrateful because she may question adoption. She's just trying to process all that happened to her.
    adopteeme

    Answer by adopteeme at 4:20 AM on Jul. 15, 2008

  • This is one of my favorites!
    http://www.adoptioncrossroads.org/Respect.html

    Instead for the child whose mother gives her up for adoption, the child suffers the psychological death of her mother. But she is told that she is special and chosen and lucky. She is supposed to forget that there was another mother. Make believe this is your only family, make believe that all is well. As IF it is your own. The message is that it is a good thing your mother is not there for you, is dead for you. You are not allowed to be sad about it, acknowledge the pain, anger or sadness, perhaps even to yourself. You are not allowed to mourn the loss of your own mother. The grief gets stuck in your body and keeping in pain is destructive. (So is keeping in anger and sadness) The child has to go into a kind of shock and to numb. You can’t really live that way, but you can pretend. And we adoptees are great pretenders. This child gets no respect.

    adopteeme

    Answer by adopteeme at 4:25 AM on Jul. 15, 2008

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