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what can i do, if anything?

okay so im 18 just graduated highschool 2 days ago with a daughter that was born in March 07. Back when i was pregnant with her, her father would be really mean and say stuff like he hoped the baby died and tell me to kill myself and use the child support as all my fault and saying the only reason i was keeping her was to keep him or get money from him which neither were the reasons i kept her i wish i could stop the childsupport so he could just leave me alone with that. He would tell everyone i was manipulative and it was him that is manipulative, he told me the whole pregnancy that things would work out and told social workers that he wanted to work things out with me while he was secretly dating other girls.

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Asked by jaelynsmama07 at 10:55 AM on Dec. 21, 2008 in Relationships

Level 3 (27 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • When my daughter was finally born he told me that if i didnt believe him on everything he said he wouldnt come and see her and somedays he would get his parents car and tell me he was going to come over but 5 minutes before he was supposed to get here he would cancel and say he couldnt make it cuz his parents wouldnt give him the car. Truth is, his parents sometimes called to see if he made it over and i told them he canceled and he really did have the car. He just did alot of stuff some stuff i probably forgot and its best that i did.

    Answer by jaelynsmama07 at 10:56 AM on Dec. 21, 2008

  • Anyways yesterday we both got the forms in the mail telling us that they want another childsupport hearing, and so he texts me accusing me saying 'wow your asking for more support when your living with you parents and you have a job', i NEVER said i wanted anymore from him it was the court, and then he went on and said heard your pregnant again, and i told him yes but its none of his business he wasnt around for my daughters pregnancy and i shouldve reported him for domestic violence and this pregnancy has nothing to do with him what so ever.

    Answer by jaelynsmama07 at 10:56 AM on Dec. 21, 2008

  • So he went on saying how everything i ever said he did is lies and im never going to change and its been 2 years and still havent changed and im manipulative, and all the stuff he told me back when i was pregnant with my daughter he is still saying, i wouldnt make the stuff up it took me forever to get over and i was in the ER a couple weeks ago because my new ex said i deserved everything my daughters dad did to me and i went into flashbacks and panic attacks and they wanted me to go in there for domestic violence. I dont know what to do, i know most of this took part so long ago but he still hasnt changed and im scared of him and hes lied about his age the last couple years saying he was 17 to a 13 year old when he was 20,im just i dont know what to do, if theres anything i can do to make him stop

    Answer by jaelynsmama07 at 10:57 AM on Dec. 21, 2008

  • He sounds like a very angry person to me. Someone I wouldn't want in my life or in DD's life if I could avoid it. I would go back to court and see what you can do about getting child support and how you can maybe limit his contact with your daughter. Not that it sounds like he cares about seeing her at all....

    Answer by ElderGothMom at 11:11 AM on Dec. 21, 2008

  • Wow, what a jerk. Sounds like he doesn't want to be around anyway why not ask him to terminate his rights if that is the way he feels?

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:15 AM on Dec. 21, 2008

  • I would ask him to sign over his rights...sounds like you're raising her on your own so you won't, well she won't, be missing out on anything. Also, if he's a deadbeat you probably aren't even getting a significant amount of child support so tou won't be missing anything there either.

    Answer by micrespo at 11:27 AM on Dec. 21, 2008

  • yeah hes paying like $50 a month, sees her a total of maybe 6 hours a month, but had to be pushed by his parents to do so, he wasnt at her birth he just sat at home and watched tv and all he said the morning i told him i was going to get induced he laughed and said it was going to hurt, i just want him to go away i made a mistake to have sex with him but my daughter isnt a mistake i love her to death and just dont want to have to deal with getting depressed by his actions and words all the time, im looking into what i could do with the court tho, i dont know because the voicemails and texts and everything were all verbal and he made me believe him back then that he would change so i deleted them so maybe i would have a few witnesses is all. Hes to stubborn to give up his rights he wont do much for her but he wont give up his rights i dont know why..i like his parents i have my daughter visit them i wouldnt stop that

    Answer by jaelynsmama07 at 11:41 AM on Dec. 21, 2008

  • Don't let him off the hook on the support. He is trying to shame you into cutting him loose from his responsibilities. Just keep collecting and taking good care of that baby. Let him say what he wants, people who believe him aren't worth your time. The grown up thing to do is to take care of your child with the money he sends and don't let him get to you.

    PS it doesn't matter ifyou live with your parents and have a job, he STILL HAS TO PAY HIS SHARE. The child is 1/2 his and this is the MINIMAL amount of participation he is being asked for. He has to pay for the next 18 years and that's that. Don't let him push his way out of it, I know it's a lot of headaches now but you'll be glad down the road.

    Answer by beckcorc at 11:58 AM on Dec. 21, 2008

  • I'd ask him again to sign over his rights.. that if he doesn't want to pay the support, then this would be the end all for that problem for him. I'm surprised any court would only order him to pay $50, never heard of it being that low before. Sounds like he's as cruel vindictive man, and you don't need that but especially while you're pregnant. I'd have a tape recorder handy or not speak to him on the phone so he'd have to verbally say the mean things and you could save them.

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 12:50 PM on Dec. 21, 2008

  • Oh I had to deal with quite a piece of sh*t myself. My daughter's biological father was ordered $86/month and has never paid it. He has paid $11 total in lifetime support and that took 4 payments to add up to $11. He has never seen her...he got married to another girl when I was pregnant with our daughter and didn't tell me. He was in the service and whored around the whole time and then asked ME for a DNA test. Talked all kinds of shit...his parents talk the same shit. They're all worthless. You need to tell him if he wants to see his daughter to get a court order...which he wont do...but let the parents know their visits can continue...and for the love of god quit answering the phone for him! He does nothing but give you anxiety and put you don't have to pick up for that! Eventually you will find someone who will treat you and your children GREAT and you will wonder why you ever let this go on!

    Answer by kabbot01 at 1:44 PM on Dec. 21, 2008

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