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Advice: Friend is having an affair w/ married man.

I am disgusted by the fact that my bff is having an affair w/ a married man. She lost her own husband to an undetected heart ailment 5 yrs. ago and I believe that subconsciously she is set on destroying other families.

She is friends w/ this woman. They have playdates together and has even volunteered to babysit their kids while they are away on a weekend getaway. I have suggested my friend seek psychotherapy but it angers me to no end to see that she has no regret and shame over what she is doing. I believe that we may lose friendship over this as I can't sit by and condone her behavior.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 10:45 AM on Aug. 3, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (17)
  • Wow! I'm sorry for your friend's loss, but you are right, she needs help. What a horrible thing for her to do. I would tell her she needs to get help, and stop what she's doing or we can't be friends.

    Good luck!

    Answer by ohwrite at 10:48 AM on Aug. 3, 2011

  • Unfortunately Her sex life is not your business. I'm not saying it's right, but honestly, what can you do about it besides end the friendship or avoid her until it ends.

    Answer by Musicmom80 at 10:51 AM on Aug. 3, 2011

  • Tell the other woman, anonymously. Problem solved.

    Answer by lakissakay at 10:52 AM on Aug. 3, 2011

  • I dropped a friend over this. It was an interesting thing for her to do considering how she'd cried to me over her husband having an affair years before that she hadn't gotten over. They hit another rough patch and she started sleeping with a married man. That was the end of the friendship for me. I found out later that each of their spouses had found out what they were doing and divorced them both. There were children in both marriages. These days I can't imagine knowing something like this and not finding a way to tell the spouse who was being cheated on.

    Answer by wildflowers25 at 10:58 AM on Aug. 3, 2011

  • One thing a good friend does not do is judge, although I agree with your sentiment, if it were my friend, I would give her my advice and stay close to pick up the pieces when it all blows off in her face......

    Answer by older at 11:00 AM on Aug. 3, 2011

  • This isn't the first time she has done this. She slept w/ her neighbors husband as well while the woman was pregnant. I told her the first time as she pleaded she was lonely but a second time with your son't T-Ball coach?!? Does she think she will be blessed with her own husband with this attitude. I know now that I can't trust her at all w/ anything precious and sacred of my own because she lets her jealousy and anger get the best out of her. It is like she is on a mission to destroy families because her husband died. How can you smile in a woman's face all the while knowing you have been sucking on his @#$%!!!!!

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:01 AM on Aug. 3, 2011

  • Tell the other woman, anonymously. Problem solved.


    Ever heard of shooting the messenger? I wouldn't tell her, it would be worse and lots of wives don't even believe when they actually see it. Denial. I have a friend like this, I have lost all respect for her but I will always love her. She knows how I feel but I cannot change her behavior. I would be watching her around my DH though for sure!


    Answer by amazinggrace83 at 11:04 AM on Aug. 3, 2011

  • I have been friends with her for 15 years. I have been there to pickup the pieces a hundred times and I am done!! I counseled her thru a lot of stuff and we have been through a great deal together but I am going to leave her alone until this blows over if he is worth ruining her name in a small town, her child's name and her families that is her own fault. There are three children involved too. The wife is a sahm married to this man for 15 years and doesn't have a clue! Can you imagine how she will feel once she realizes all of this? I would feel like a total idiot and I would seriously want to #$% her!!!

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:04 AM on Aug. 3, 2011

  • I am not judging her but after a person has done this before with no shame no regret you begin to wonder if they are sociopaths or what? She needs therapy and i mean this with all love and affection for her but I also feel for this woman also as a devoted mother and a wife.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:06 AM on Aug. 3, 2011

  • Tell your friend you love her and know she is going through a lot of pain and as your friend you want to be there for her, but that you can not stand by and watch her destroy her life and her kids life. Let her know if she gets help or changes her ways you are glad to be there for her, but until that happens it hurts to much to watch her hurt herself even more.


    Answer by Alanaplus3 at 11:11 AM on Aug. 3, 2011

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