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Advice: Friend is having an affair w/ married man.

I am disgusted by the fact that my bff is having an affair w/ a married man. She lost her own husband to an undetected heart ailment 5 yrs. ago and I believe that subconsciously she is set on destroying other families.

She is friends w/ this woman. They have playdates together and has even volunteered to babysit their kids while they are away on a weekend getaway. I have suggested my friend seek psychotherapy but it angers me to no end to see that she has no regret and shame over what she is doing. I believe that we may lose friendship over this as I can't sit by and condone her behavior.

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Asked by Anonymous at 10:45 AM on Aug. 3, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (17)
  • I think you need to ask yourself why YOU are in this relationship. It's not your job to pick up the pieces.

    It took me a long time to find friends that didn't have issues like that.

    Answer by Musicmom80 at 11:12 AM on Aug. 3, 2011

  • You are right Musicmom80 and I honestly think this is the straw that will break the camel's back so to speak.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:13 AM on Aug. 3, 2011

  • Actually, I don't think it's wrong to judge what she's doing....we all have to make evaluations, it's not judging that's wrong, it's how and what we judge. Judging superficial things like a person's weight, piercings, etc., But, we do have to decide whether we can or want to be friends with someone who does things that are too far across the line. Even when we love and care about someone, sometimes what they do can be more than we are able to deal with.

    And, OP says that this woman is actually friends with the woman whose husband she is sleeping with.....what kind of friend does this? How can OP trust her? Even if she trusts her husband and knows there won't be an affair, how can she trust the friend in any way? This is the ultimate betrayal of a friend....Sometimes we do have to make judgements.

    Answer by ohwrite at 11:15 AM on Aug. 3, 2011

  • See the hard thing is, when we have friends like this, how are they really capable of being a friend to us? It's one sided. My friends now, it's more mutual and I see the difference. But I had to start looking at people's choices.

    Answer by Musicmom80 at 11:29 AM on Aug. 3, 2011

  • That would be one friend that I would no longer have. There is nothing you can really do but sever ties.

    Answer by Melbornj at 11:48 AM on Aug. 3, 2011

  • If my best friend did this, I would have to seriously reconsider our friendship. IMO if she did something like this, then she wouldn't be the same person that I became friend's with in the first place. I would let her know that I am sorry but I can't stand idly by while she destroys not only herself and her kids, but other families, all the while thinking that there is nothing wrong.

    Answer by AF4life at 12:20 PM on Aug. 3, 2011

  • I've had friends like that in the past that I've just had to sever ties with because I can't respect or trust someone that can be friends with someone and then go behind their back and do that without thinking there is a problem. *sigh*

    Answer by RigPrincess85 at 2:14 PM on Aug. 3, 2011

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