Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

How to regain control a stubborn teenager? How to positively discipline a teenager? How to

I have a 14 years old son who is ungrateful, unappreciative and disrespectful. He doesn't do well with being grounded especially when he has plans with friends. When he doesn't get his way, he is rude, defensive and belittles me, which makes me yell at him. I'm full of hurt, sadness and anger that its so hard to control my volume. I never curse or use harsh words.

When he was younger, We always had a good lines of communication (at least I think we did.) However, as a teenager, he feels the need to challenge my authority.

I miss my sweet innocent lovely little boy. How do I get that closeness back?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:57 PM on Aug. 3, 2011 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (10)
  • Sit him down and rationally speak to him about how you are not going to tolerate this disrespectful behavior any longer. Tell him that if he wants to act like this you will not stand for it and you will send him to a place where they are better equipped to handle a child with these problems. I would look into a boot camp or all boys school abroad. They will give him the structure and discipline he needs and it wouldn't kill him to be out of your home where it seems like you don't have the nerve to be firm with him. Good Luck.
    Bugzmomma

    Answer by Bugzmomma at 1:05 PM on Aug. 3, 2011

  • I don't have kids...but I have worked with teens and I have two brothers. I've seen this numerous times before. What I've told the parents of the teens I worked with was to establish who is truly boss. Some kind of way, you fell out of the role as the HPIC-Head Parent In Charge. It seems as if he has lost respect for you. Think back to when this first started happening? Was there a situation going on with you that may have caused him to look at you differently? Example: My brothers went through this with my mother. They stopped respecting her when they felt that she chose a man over us, but that wasn't the case. It's just that she started going out and enjoying herself instead of staying at home with 3 unruly and ungrateful teenagers. Yes, she still cared for us, but if we were disrespectful, she would ignore us until we came to our senses. Good luck to you.
    beauteeyvette

    Answer by beauteeyvette at 1:08 PM on Aug. 3, 2011

  • so i think that you need to still with grounding him. and then when he starts talking back you start going down the list of other things you are going to take away from him. when you get mad and yell and let him hurt you, he is in control. you need to remain calm, try not to say hurtful things and react emotionally. just simply state to him that you will not tolerate that kind of disrespect and that if he keeps it up he wont get his allowance, or wont get to do anything that he may really enjoy for a really long time and that when he can talk to you respectfully then you will consider letting him off. i dont know if you think he would sneak out or do anything irrational, but i dont put anything past teens these days! so you are going to have to be firm with him. make his life like prison, everything supervised from school to home if he can not behave favorably
    secondtyme520

    Answer by secondtyme520 at 1:27 PM on Aug. 3, 2011

  • Part of it is teen hormones part is need for control on both people. Talk WITH him about respect, rules, boundaries, and consequences. Try to stay calm and not yell. I get better results from my 15 yr old son when I don't yell and I include him in the decision making process. If your son is being ungrateful then take EVERYTHING away, except his bed and clothes. Do not cook for him, do not clean for him, do not take him anywhere. Let HIM do it all. He has to earn his things back item by item by being respectful to you.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 1:31 PM on Aug. 3, 2011

  • At this age teens are trying to gain independence, testing their boundaries and questioning authority, I have to say I think 13 is probably the worst, if its handled well by 15 everything smoothes over.
    When my now (almost 17 yr old) started this, I finally sat him down and told him how much it hurt me when he talked to me the way he did. I let him know why the rules are what they are, how those rules can change over time based on his ability to be responsible, respectful and honest. I let him that going down the path we were I was scared that we wouldn't have a relationship when he became an adult and the last thing I wanted was to loose my son. He expressed some things he didn't like about what I did, and came to an agreement. In the end he was crying, apologizing hugging me. We are closer than ever; last night he came home from his gf's at 10p and crawled into my bed to talk about his day..communication works.
    blessedwboysx3

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 1:31 PM on Aug. 3, 2011

  • it can be a phase if you get a grip on it, be persistent, if he is rude, disrepectful, ect. stand your ground and do not allow him to go anywhere, have company over, have PC time, take his cell if he has one, ect. make chores also, everytime he gets mouthy- make him do a chore, dishes by hand- my son HATES that, laundry, toilets, mow, take out the trash- while you set and watch. :O) It straightens things up quite a bit and fast too I might add.
    2teens2LOs

    Answer by 2teens2LOs at 1:56 PM on Aug. 3, 2011

  • I have a 14 year old daughter that is the complete opposite, but I know my son will probably be a challenge. I will pray for you. I am sure it is just the teenage stubborness coming out in him. I have noticed though that more and more teenagers feel some kind of entitlement too. They jus tneed to be knocked down a little bit. I am not sure what methods work.
    daerca574

    Answer by daerca574 at 2:01 PM on Aug. 3, 2011

  • I know this is not the answer to all your questions. But listening to him just listening does a lot of good.
    Guidence is another good word for this situation.
    You cant give him everything he wants but " you can catch more bees with honey than u can with vinegar".
    Please think it over. thank you for listening.
    mommmy1978

    Answer by mommmy1978 at 12:43 AM on Aug. 6, 2011

  • I have no idea. Teens are hard, even the best of them.
    elasmimi

    Answer by elasmimi at 8:21 AM on Aug. 14, 2011

  • I'd have a heart to heart talk with him in a controlled environment. He needs to understand the reasoning behind you wanting and needing him to follow the rules without an argument.
    daerca574

    Answer by daerca574 at 1:42 PM on Aug. 20, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.