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I need help... I dont know how to help my son

My son was sexually abused by his dad for basically 15 years. I I dont really know much about how to help him but im trying to help him all i can. He is in therapy right now..Does anyone know how to help him nightmares because he has them almost everytime he goes to sleep. Loud noises like thunder and fire works scare him. water ive noticed is another fear of his.He has a huge huge fear of the dark... one night the light went out in his room and he started crying and screaming for help and I went to comfort him not even worrying about the light and just my touch scared him even more. Can anyone give me advice please!

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Asked by ctown_123 at 6:06 PM on Dec. 21, 2008 in General Parenting

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Answers (6)
  • Wow, need to talk to some professional people about helping your son in this kind of son in this situation I would think.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:11 PM on Dec. 21, 2008

  • I agree with anon....this went on for so long and he is so traumatized, I really think you need advice from some professionals with extensive experience in dealing with this. I am so sorry that you and your son are dealing with this. I truly hope he somehow, someday finds peace with this situation.

    Answer by tropicalmama at 6:13 PM on Dec. 21, 2008

  • The only suggestion I have is for his fear of the dark: How about getting him one of those emergency flashlights that doesn't need batteries? You shake it a couple of seconds and then it will light up. This way next time his lights go out he will have a backup with him that will always work.

    Answer by mamapotter at 6:43 PM on Dec. 21, 2008

  • he is so tramuatized that he may need more help that you can give him at home, it sounds like you are doing everything you can and its not working, he may need a "safe" enviroment for a little bit like maybe a mental health hospital, i know it sounds horrible, but sometimes you cant do it on your own, and the staff is trained to deal with things like that
    i would talk to his therapist, it is also a possibility that he may need anti-anxiety medication for a little while, both are short term soultions that would probally have greater impact than anything you can do by yourself, i hope your son and you can both manage to get through this
    you'll be in my heart and my prayers

    Answer by bi-polarmommy at 9:03 PM on Dec. 21, 2008

  • I would be careful about sending him to a residential treatment center unless he is willing to go on his own. With 15 years of abuse in his background it will be nearly impossible for him to see that you're doing it out of love and not "sending him away." But I agree with other posters that you definitely need to get him so counseling, and perhaps some for your whole family. Abuse tends to impact other people in the family as well - even if he is the only one who was sexually abused. If you need help finding someone in the Portland Metro area (Oregon) let me know - I know someone who has over two decades of experience helping kids recover from sexual abuse.

    Answer by MamaSueCongdon at 2:56 AM on Dec. 22, 2008

  • Since he is in therapy, thats a good first steip. Be there, and just listen.Take it one day at a time with him and just love him. Thats probably all he needs.Keep him busy so he can't think about what happened.And get him a punching bag so he can let his anger out(someone told me thats a good way to let go of anger) See if there is a site that you can talk about it and find out how to help him. GL

    Answer by Kat122 at 5:10 AM on Dec. 22, 2008

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