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Everyone expects me to be more upset.

I'm nine months pregnant and due to place my baby in an open adoption in about 2wks, give or take [when i deliever]. I've been talking pretty much daily with my APs for over a month now and feel very comfortable with them. Everytime we talk, they ask me how I'm feeling emotionally and while I understand and appreciate them being sensitive to my feelings, I'm honestly ok. I feel confident in my decision to place my child in an open adoption and even more confident in my choice on the family. Of course I love this child and of course I will miss them as any natural mother would, but more than being sad, I'm grateful and happy. Actually, I wouldn't even use the adjective sad to describe my feelings at all. Also, I know I can't be sure how I'll feel when I actually place the child, but I can't see myself being sad only blessed to be giving this child the life I think he/she deserves. Is this normal?

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Asked by BriasMommy_827 at 9:11 PM on Dec. 21, 2008 in Adoption

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Answers (31)
  • i don't know what you would consider normal in this situation are you crazy no i don't think so . i would be upset. but not everyone handles things in the same way if you are confident with these people and you have the right mind set that you are doing the right thing then you may not be sad by giving the child a better life

    Answer by jodi205 at 9:18 PM on Dec. 21, 2008

  • You sound Mature & grounded! If you are comfortable with this that is what Matters! You are Bringong life in to this world & someone will have A Child!! That is A Blessing & A Miracle!! I wish Everyone involved the Very, Very Best!!

    Answer by Angellinda at 9:20 PM on Dec. 21, 2008

  • Let me preface this answer by saying: You are an amazing woman. I know so many people that want a child so bad but cant do it on their own. And its people like you that have given them a chance to have their dream baby. So thank you for making good people happy.
    Now, to answer your question. I agree 100% with Angellinda!

    Answer by MommaWoods at 9:27 PM on Dec. 21, 2008

  • I placed my son back in April, and I too like you was very confident in my decision. It wasn't until a few weeks after that it all hit me and the regret took over. It wasn't until leaving the hospital and going home alone and empty handed that it bothered me. Think long and hard before you sign ANY paper as it's irreversible- permanent. I hope you're comfortable if this is something you feel you really must do.

    Answer by lillie023 at 9:36 PM on Dec. 21, 2008

  • I'm glad you're so comfortable with your decision and NO I don't think you're crazy for feeling this way. It's wonderful you're able to put this babies needs before your own.

    Answer by Jill42721 at 9:41 PM on Dec. 21, 2008

  • Yes I think it is normal. I have heard some woman in your circumstances that feel like you. I think the more you feel confident in your decision the better you feel. It sounds like you know you are doing the right thing for your baby. So I think it is normal for you to feel the way you do. They probably are surprised how well you are doing cause, some girls that do this are still not confident in their decision at this point. So they don't handle it is well as you are. Don't worry about it your strength and confidence is good for you and your child. Good luck.


    Answer by hopingforanange at 11:26 PM on Dec. 21, 2008


    Answer by surpriseat41 at 1:10 AM on Dec. 22, 2008

  • These are decisions that have a life cycle of their own. Personally, I too felt very confident prior to relinquishing my daughter - I think I had my "logical" mode on full board during that time because I was making such a huge decision. None of us knew how we would feel after relinquishment - none of us can say how you personally will feel after relinquishment. You will hear from many who will tell you that you are so strong, and so courageous, and doing the right thing - but those are "their" opinons - they are not living your life. Allow yourself to feel whatever you need to feel, there is no right or wrong way to be in this situation. There is a sisterhood of birth moms here on CafeMom (some who continue to feel strong and confident in their decision and some who struggle), I would invite you to this group no matter your decision. Nobody understands quite like a mother who has had to make this decision.

    Answer by PortAngeles1969 at 1:17 AM on Dec. 22, 2008

  • God blessed this world when he made you. I think you re an angel not just for helping this couple become parents, but in doing something so selfless for your unborn child. I couldn't do it when I was pregnant with my second child. It takes a strong person to give up a child. God Bless you


    Answer by BooBear666 at 1:18 AM on Dec. 22, 2008

  • Wow...where do I begin. Well, I am like your PAPS! I kept checking on Brysons mom, I was worried for her. Always asking how she was doing. They don't mean any harm...Brysons mother was like "Ill be fine!" But she's the type to play tough and I told her, nomatter how tough you are..placing your child is gonna HURT like hell..well...the day we were about to leave after he was born, she told me "Well, you were right. I've never felt pain like this." Sometimes eps think its gonna be easy/...and alot of times it isn't. I'm glad you're confident in your decision, so was Brysons mother and she still is...but that usually doesn't take away the hurt that involves relinquishing your baby.

    Answer by babycakes254 at 10:08 AM on Dec. 22, 2008

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