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mean MIL?

Ok i have posted on here before about issues with my MIL. fri ( 2 weeks ago) i was very ill and she kept my 6 mo old for me over night. we specifically told her not to sleep in bed with our DD (because we dont like it, ) well i found out this past thurs she did. also right before thanksgiving she gave my DD cool whip i asked her nicely please dont give her food without asking me. So last thurs we went there for his bro's birthday and she told me that while i was at work she gave her icing from the cake!! why doesnt she listen? My fiance said he would talk to her but she clearly doesnt listen i dont know what to do. Oh and after the icing, she pooped up her back twice so bad it ruined her clothes. I know some people think im making something out of nothing but this is my first child and im nervous.

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Kennadismom

Asked by Kennadismom at 9:14 PM on Dec. 21, 2008 in Relationships

Level 12 (672 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • She should respect your wishes, you are the mother after all. I just wouldn't allow my child to be alone with her. Sorry.

    Christine0813

    Answer by Christine0813 at 9:17 PM on Dec. 21, 2008

  • i agree with christine, if she cant follow your rules for YOUR child, she doen't need to be unsupervised with her
    you have every right to be nervous with your first child, you dont truely learn what works and what doesn't untill your third :))
    do whatever you think you need to do in order to protect your baby
    bi-polarmommy

    Answer by bi-polarmommy at 9:25 PM on Dec. 21, 2008

  • I deal with the same issues with my MIL. It finally came to blows last year and I made it clear that I am the mother and what I say goes whether she likes it or not. Being nice just did not work and her lack of respect to my wishes was starting to cause problems between me and my husband. He tried many times to talk with his mother but she just would not listen. Since our fight she has tried to do better but we still have our issues. The best advice that I can give you is to stand your ground. I also find it best when I speak up versus my husband because she knows I mean business.
    maddiemygirl

    Answer by maddiemygirl at 9:26 PM on Dec. 21, 2008

  • I think its hard for a mother or a MIL to realize that the baby is NOT theirs.....it kinda seems like an extention of their own children so they just kinda take over sometimes......Even though the things you mentioned seem minor....it shouldnt matter....she should respect you as a mother and let YOU set the boundaries.....

    But after dealing with a tough MIL myself....I have come to realize that its your SO that must be the "middle man" here.....HE should be the one to tell her you HE doesnt like it.....he shouldnt tell her that YOU dont like it.....YOU shouldnt be brought into it at all....

    Its always easier for a Mother to understand her own child rather than an Daughter in law (almost ;)
    mom2twobabes

    Answer by mom2twobabes at 9:29 PM on Dec. 21, 2008

  • What she is doing food wise, will not hurt your baby. You might not like it I know, but it won't harm your baby unless your baby is allergic.  I will tell you not to let her watch your baby anymore if you do not like what she is doing. 

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 9:29 PM on Dec. 21, 2008

  • Either you say to yourself - she's a witch and trying to kill my child OR I need to let go of some of the control.

    I mean, I am sorry but holy heck - start wearing your child 24/7 if you don't want to anyone to ever have any interaction with your child that is not pre-approved.

    It's so great that you are nervous about your first but really, truly....unless this woman is crazy crazy you need relax.
    Wimsey

    Answer by Wimsey at 9:29 PM on Dec. 21, 2008

  • I agree with some of the other posters, she hasn't done anything that will harm her but she needs to respect your wishes.
    sammiesmom2000

    Answer by sammiesmom2000 at 9:37 PM on Dec. 21, 2008

  • I think MIL overshadows grandma. While I feel she should try harder to respect your wishes as a parent, she is doing what most grandmas do. I don't agree with her feeding her especially if it caused such a bad reaction, but maybe she just wanted to bond or the baby was crying and she wanted to sooth her and that's why she allowed your baby to sleep with her. If she's not doing anything mean or to spite you I think you should pick your battles. If it's something that can harm the baby or can cause her discomfort then speak up. If it's grandma being grandma then let it go. After all I'm sure your mother treats the baby differently then you do. Remember grandma first...MIL second.
    micrespo

    Answer by micrespo at 9:40 PM on Dec. 21, 2008

  • what really gets me with the food is that she does it when im not around and mentions it later. i would almmost rather her do it right in front of my face instead of sneaky then mentioning itt later because after its done and over with i cant say anythin so i do feel like she is doing it in spite.... thanks so much for all your answers i truly appreciate it
    Kennadismom

    Answer by Kennadismom at 10:07 PM on Dec. 21, 2008

  • Kennadis- it sounds like you're more perturbed by her spiteful passive aggressiveness. The only thing you can do is let her know exactly what she is doing, how it makes you feel and let her know that until trust is regained, she will get no unsupervised visits.
    I've been through similar things with my MIL. And she knows that if I don't trust her, she doesn't get access to my child. It straightened her up really quick like.
    Giving your child food without asking is a huge no-no in my book. I see the little things that she's doing now as red flag that escalate and become much bigger things if you let her continue.
    The old adage "Give an inch, and they will take a mile," comes to mind.
    nwdeserangel

    Answer by nwdeserangel at 10:51 PM on Dec. 21, 2008

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