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Am I doing the right thing or should i let her go?

Ok my dd is 5 years old and her real dad asked me if she can go camping with them this summer. I said no because they want to go a whole year without seeing her or calling her or having anything to do with her and then turn around and take her camping. They did the same thing last year and i said yes, and she really got hurt because they stopped all contact. Am i doing the right thing for saying no, or am i being selfish?


Asked by BIMOM21 at 9:38 PM on Dec. 21, 2008 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

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Answers (20)
  • Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. I'd say this falls into this category. They've already upset the child by cancelling before, so their chance is up.

    Answer by Bmat at 9:41 PM on Dec. 21, 2008

  • I would say, you have until summer to prove you are going to be in her life CONSISTENTLY or she does not go. Don't mention anything to your daughter about it unless they do that.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:43 PM on Dec. 21, 2008

  • I agree with you are protecting your daughter.

    Answer by kabbot01 at 9:44 PM on Dec. 21, 2008

  • As hard as it might be you should probably let her daughter decide. If you deny her from going and she really wants to go she will just end up blaming you. I know you do not want to see her get hurt but she will eventually figure it out on her own whether he is worth it or not. This advice is just from my experience with my parents and what I have seen my husband go through with his father. Having said that, I think it also depends on the child. My husband is a very confident independant person and although he was emotionally hurt numerious times by his relationship with his father he finally reach an age that he decided that he no longer wanted any contact with him. Everything that he went thought just taught him to be a better father. But if you feel that you daughter can not handle the rejection from her father again (if that were to happen) then it may be better for her not to go.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:52 PM on Dec. 21, 2008

  • Good answer, Anonymous 8:43!

    Answer by TeeJai at 9:57 PM on Dec. 21, 2008

  • I would be afraid to lket her be gone for a week with someone who doesn't keep regular contact. They could take off and it could be days before you even knew it. I would tell them exactly what happened last year. When they are keeping regular contact revisit the issue.

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 10:37 PM on Dec. 21, 2008

  • I think that I would tell him yes...that way, in the future, she can't harbor resentment for you not allowing her to see him. I wouldn't tell her about it. This way if he is again a no show she won't be hurt and if he does it's a pleasant surprise for her. That's what I do with my son. That way I can honestly say that I gave his father every opportunity but kept his feelings safe at the same time.

    Answer by micrespo at 11:52 PM on Dec. 21, 2008

  • the thing is, i have given him every opprotunity. I means its not like she doesnt have a dad, cause to her my hubby is her dad. she know he is not her real dad but chooses to see dh as dad. she know her real dad and honestly dont like him, so thats what is confusing me.

    Answer by BIMOM21 at 12:31 AM on Dec. 22, 2008

  • If you're arguing with the advice then why ask the question? I would tell him that he needs to see her more before the trip and give him the opportunity to do that...if he can't do that then say no. But don't keep her away from him. And your hubby isnt' her "real" dad, she may resent you for not allowing her to spend time with him on this trip. I would at least make an effort.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:35 AM on Dec. 22, 2008

  • I think it's good to say no. It's crap that he only wants to see her one week a year. ..And the disappearing with her thing could be a legitimate concern.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:57 AM on Dec. 22, 2008