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Household in Uproar- 11 & 13 yrs butt heads

To make a long story short, I'm the eldest of 3 and do NOT like what I see when I come home from college.I have psych major friends at the christian college I go to and we all know my family has a few...problems.My brother mimics my father's disrespect toward us (sisters and even mom once in a while) and the parental units let it fly. My sister over eats, complains a lot, is always "bored," "tired," "lonely," and down on herself basically. My father makes fun of us girls a lot, especially my mom's looks (she's overweight) and my sister's ability to be "annoying" and a "pain in his groin." My mother is taken advantage of to the max and it hurts me in my spirit to see all of this taking place.I really don't know what kind of influence I can have...all their behavior seems so permanent.Any ideas?

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Asked by ConcernedBigSis at 10:42 PM on Dec. 21, 2008 in Tweens (9-12)

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Answers (5)
  • Walk the walk. as you believe. If you set an example then they will notice. Even if they don't follow or make changes they will always see as a solid, loving, caring individual. If you have to limit your time with the family then so be it. You have to take care of yourself first.

    Answer by Southerncharmes at 10:59 PM on Dec. 21, 2008

  • Wow...that shocks even me. I came from a super dysfunctional family all in the name of God....LOL...Heres my two cents worth.....Get on your knees and take it before the Lord. Lay it out there and ask him to show you what to do and how you can help your family that you love. Are you in a place where you can sit them both down and have a "come to Jesus" meeting? Sounds like your dad is suffering from a serious case of male chauvanism (sp?). I feel for your sister. My brothers picked on me unmercifully and I got more and more overweight. My parents were too tired and self consumed to take up for me. The first boy that came along, I attached myself to. Luckily he turned out to be a wonderful man, but it could have been bad. If you can't make a difference by talking, then I would do some serious praying. It may be all you can do. Good luck.

    Answer by momofsaee at 1:35 PM on Dec. 23, 2008

  • Are you here on cafemom to get advice about this one issue? I was just curious. Good for you for caring about your family. I am sure all of us will be happy to help and encourage you in every way we can.

    Answer by momofsaee at 1:36 PM on Dec. 23, 2008

  • I'm sorry that your family is very dysfunctional. Your only problem is that you are already starting the (potentially) enabling behavior, but trying to fix them.

    Your dad is abusive and your mom has very, very low self esteem. That's sad.

    You need to ensure your own psychological surety before you try and "fix" others. You may find as you get older and you they refuse your help NOW--I foresee you moving far, far, far away.


    Answer by JoMomtoCandJ2 at 6:56 PM on Dec. 23, 2008

  • I can only speak from my experience. My family is prejudice (I've never been outside of my race), but I tell the I don't want to hear it and don't say it around my girls. I was abused by my husband and don't let anyone do that, my girls included. It is wrong, illegal, etc.. Not tolerated. My family has learned what I will tolerate as a conversation and what I will walk temporarily out of the room for. Don't get involved, don't laugh. But this may be what you are stuck with for a family.

    Answer by Havingfun13 at 11:20 PM on Jan. 9, 2009

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