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help with 10yr old boy

My 10yr. old son has major issues!
He is a bully to his older bro who has adhd, he has no respect for anything or anyone, except his dad to a point. He is constantly telling me that i hate him and that he cant do anything right or that he is stupid. He is not stupid just lazy and i have to constantly remind him to do his chores. I hate being like this all i want to do is cry bc he never used to be like this. I never used to yell and lash out like i do now!
I am ready to send him off to military school. RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR Is this behavior normal or is my son out of control???
I know that some will think counsiling is what we need but there is NO extra money in our budget for that.

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sdADDmom

Asked by sdADDmom at 9:27 AM on Dec. 22, 2008 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 2 (6 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • I think the first thing you need to do is take him to your Dr and tell him the things you've written above and let them check for medical problems and evaluate him for depression. There is something going on with him. His hormones ar starting to flare up too. My 'red flag radar' went off and I hope I'm wrong but I instantly wondered if someone has made inappropriate sexual contact with him. My brother was being abused by his boy scout leader for 3 yrs and never said a word. He too began acting out. Check it out anyway.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:08 AM on Dec. 22, 2008

  • I am wondering if he is acting out for attention? I have a son who was ADHD and the other who is Down Syndrome acting out for attention because I was giving so much of my time with the son who had ADHD..he felt left out. Just a thought ! He would growl when angry ...Ha! I hope someday you can look back at this and laugh....good luck! Merry Christmas!
    Joyo4

    Answer by Joyo4 at 10:55 AM on Dec. 22, 2008

  • Try to be patient with him talk calmly to him and maybe arrange sometime one on one you and him... become his friend... do things together the two of you... even if its play a game with no one but the two of you... have him help you with dinner... let him be included... he is lashing out maybe cause of lack of attention.... not that you arent but he is reaching out by lashing out. Remember he is your son and he does love you ... reach out positively..... hope this helps
    photojournalist

    Answer by photojournalist at 1:22 PM on Dec. 22, 2008

  • thank you ladies I really need to feel like i can make a difference with him. Sometimes i just feel like a horrible parent which i know i am not but the stress of the situation makes it feel like that.
    sdADDmom

    Answer by sdADDmom at 8:36 PM on Dec. 22, 2008

  • In all honesty I think he feels left out. If your oldest son has ADHD and you are always helping him by trying to stay focused, your youngest may feel neglected and is just fighting back to get attention. Do you have time for one on one time with him? Have you talked to him about his brother's condition. Maybe let him help out with things you do for your son. Have him feel included. You're tired, stressed and may not know which way to turn and your son feels confused, sad and angry because he doesn't understand what is going on. I would try spending one on one time with him, compliment him on the good things he has done, have him help with your oldest son and if you don't see improvements then take him to the doctor to talk about things.
    frenzied

    Answer by frenzied at 8:45 PM on Dec. 22, 2008

  • Spend some time understanding why he thinks the way he does. Ask him how you can show him you love him. He has redeeming qualities regardless of his weaknesses. Shed the light on them.

    IMO, It's not so simple as being lazy. He isn't motivated to try. He is a preteen who can't always get his act together. He has a brother who probably has had special treatment and more time from mom and dad because of his special needs.

    Think about way you can invest in him. Take him someplace special (and ask your husband to do the same) to do or see something he enjoys or wants to try. Help him develope his strengths and praise him for his accomplishments.

    Sounds like he needs attention and help to believe he is valuable. You and your hubby are the best people to do that. In the meantime, continue to make it clear that bullying isn't tolerated in your home.

    happi-ladi

    Answer by happi-ladi at 10:26 AM on Dec. 24, 2008

  • I was wondering if he was being bullied at school. If spending the time doesn't help, I would definitely follow up with him on who he has been with and when this all started. It's likely the attention thing but we always need to keep in mind that are children are elsewhere much of the time and we need to know what is going on and with whom. It's tough to do and I need to remind myself of it, even just now. I like what the pp said about "he loves you". Yes, our kids do love us even when they tell us they don't. Hoping you have peaceful, loving days ahead.
    happi-ladi

    Answer by happi-ladi at 10:31 AM on Dec. 24, 2008

  • He sounds like he might be depressed.
    21stCenturyMom

    Answer by 21stCenturyMom at 12:45 PM on Dec. 27, 2008

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