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Husband being a jerk?

My husband has been really short tempered with me and the kids for the past few weeks and its really starting to get to me. He is mad all the time, isn't listening to me and then fussing about he doesn't understand what i am saying, yelling at the kids... I know the holidays are hard for a lot of people, but its never really been an issue for him before. He'll be fine and happy and then within a little while he's just this grumpy jerk sitting on my couch. I know that he's feeling like he doesn't have parents or siblings anymore. (never extremely close, but less so now) His hours keep getting cut at work and money is tight. (so i know that there are some problems in our life right now) I just don't know what to do to make this all better.

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Asked by Anonymous at 11:26 AM on Dec. 22, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • Well, if he has been or is the breadwinner in the family, then for him its almost dire circumstances. He is probably depressed, worried, scared, etc and doesn't know how to handle it. Men are just that way. You can't make it better, but, you can support him and be there for him. Since you know what the problem is, just listen to him. This year is hard for lots of people. I hope things get better for you.

    Answer by Kat122 at 11:34 AM on Dec. 22, 2008

  • Dh is a mechanic for a gm dealer, and if gm really goes under so does his job. I just don't know if that's the whole problem or not. we've moved in the last year, but things are better here. It's safe and we're happy. But there is a problem within his family that i'm not sure that i know all about or not...

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:39 AM on Dec. 22, 2008

  • It sounds like he might just be feeling the weight of the world right now. A lot of people are under a lot of stress right now. He might feel better if he could just open up to you. Try to cut him some slack.

    Good Luck

    Answer by ANGIE409 at 11:48 AM on Dec. 22, 2008

  • Talk to him as unjudgementally as possible. I know men aren't good at talking... but when HIS moodiness affects you and - more importantly - your children, then it's time to sit him down and get to the bottom of it. He's being selfish - caught up in his own stress. He needs to think about how he's treating other people... how he's talking to his wife and his children and what it is teaching them about how to cope with stress & how to treat others. There are BIG lessons at stake here. I am sure you are probably trying to keep peace (I've been in the same situation before), but sometimes men need to have the crap slapped out of them so they WAKE UP and realize that no matter how bad it may seem - this, too, shall pass... and you all are blessed. He has a family that loves him - even when he's being a jerk!

    Answer by AggieMamacita at 12:29 PM on Dec. 22, 2008

  • This seems off topic, but sometimes that is a sign of high blood pressure. Especially since you said his mood goes up and down. Pay attention to when he gets grumpy to see if it might be brought on by his diet, after eating really salty foods or cured meats like ham, or drinking alcohol. Just something to think about. Or, it could just be the stress of work and money and he's just very frustrated. But try to talk to him about it in a calming way. Don't argue, that would be the worse thing you can do.

    Answer by hopelessnance at 12:30 PM on Dec. 22, 2008

  • Thanks everyone I appreciate it!

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:41 PM on Dec. 22, 2008

  • My husband does the same thing.The only thing I have found to help is to tell him to shut the he## up.He gets mad and gpes off and sulks.He comes back in a better mood.I know it is the wrong way to handle it .

    Answer by evelynwest at 12:43 PM on Dec. 22, 2008

  • Sounds like stress.
    Hopefully come the first of the year things will calm down for him and work will pick up.

    My best advice is to let him vent and then calmly talk to him about his behavior and how its not right of him to jump on you and the kids. If he wants to keep doing it then Id leave the room with the kids or make him go take a drive to calm down.

    The stuff with his family is something only time can lessen. Im there myself so I understand how it can be painful in many ways.

    Just let him know you are there to listen to him but he doesnt need to shout, call names, whatever he might be order to get heard.

    Answer by BonesDragonDew at 12:52 PM on Dec. 22, 2008

  • I am sure he is just extremely stressed. I was going through the same thing with my husband not too long ago because things at work were bad. And he has never been very good about talking about his feelings, instead he projects and takes things out on me. I have learned to just let him yell and get it out, and then ask why he is REALLY upset. Generally once he gets his anger out he can calm down and tell me what is going on. Some men just arent good at expressing themselves. I also try to make sure he has plenty of time to himself without tons of noise and distractions, just time to be alone and think and unwind. Luckily he recently got everything worked out with HR and things are back to normal.

    Answer by SweetPea05 at 2:27 PM on Dec. 22, 2008

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