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How do I love my stepson when he says its his goal to make me cry?

His mother is no longer in the picture and he will do anything to make me upset, pee on the floor, poop on the floor, "spill" his food and juice, call me nasty names. He is in therapy but I was wondering if anyother step moms have gone through this. I love my husband and we have a baby but is it worth it?

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Jenelle2508

Asked by Jenelle2508 at 1:54 PM on Jun. 19, 2008 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • Punish the hell out of him. Take away everything he likes, then give them back slowly as his behavoir improves. Try to build a relationship with his mom, in case she's badmouthing you and encouraging his behavoir
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:06 PM on Jun. 19, 2008

  • It sounds to me like you shouldn't be you stepsons primary caregiver. Maybe he blames you for whatever happened to take his mother from his life. Your husband needs to step up and take that role even if it means the child goes to daycare while your husband works. In your situation your role should be more of a supportive friend to your stepson than as a parent.
    Eliza34

    Answer by Eliza34 at 2:07 PM on Jun. 19, 2008

  • I am not a Step-Mom, but i do work with kids of all ages, so i hope i can give some words that might help.. Your step-son sounds like he is testing you, and testing you to the fullest. With his mom not in the picture, and him having a new mom like person in his life and the other child that you and your husband share, that is a lot for a child. He is going to do what he can to see if your going to leave too or his dad.. As long as you are there for your step-son and show him your not going anywhere i think he will be ok, sounds like you are doing all that you can, and when he is getting out of hand, give yourself a "Mommy Timeout" i do it with my own girls and it works. Just try and remember that this child has lost a lot as it is and he just needs some extra TLC.. And if you love your husband and i am sure you do, yes it is worth it in the long run, but will respect you more down the road.. Good Luck
    SillyMom736

    Answer by SillyMom736 at 2:11 PM on Jun. 19, 2008

  • He is rebelling more than likely because of his mom and dad and probably blames you. It may not be that he doesn't like you but that his mom and dad may be together if you weren't there. You and dad need to sit him down and talk to him. Let him say what he feels and try to understand what is going through his head. If you have to try doing it with a counselor as a mediator.
    tfmmpmmdmmom

    Answer by tfmmpmmdmmom at 2:27 PM on Jun. 19, 2008

  • I'm not sure how old he is but.... have you thought about not getting upset? Telling him ok but I love you anyway? He needs you, if his mom isn't there, he needs you that much more. How could you say, "is it worth it?" He's just a little boy wanting attention and love. Maybe he blames himself for his mom being gone but blames you for not loving him enough?
    julieinaz

    Answer by julieinaz at 2:34 PM on Jun. 19, 2008

  • Have you talked to his therapist about it? I was in this situation at one point and I found that kids are smarter than you expect and when you address the situation matter-of-factly, they respond. When he acts out, just tell him "I know what you're trying to do and I'm not going anywhere so you might as well stop." or "I know you're mad at your mom but taking it out on me isn't going to change anything." Ask him what he's trying to accomplish. Ask him if he thinks it's working.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:36 PM on Jun. 19, 2008

  • Ask him "If you succeed, and make me cry, then what? I will still be here and I will still take care of you because I am the grown-up. I know you are feeling angry and sad, do you think will it help you feel better if I am sad too? Since I am the grown-up and you are the child I am choosing. I choose for both of us to be happy instead. Let me know when you are ready to give it a try."
    chrysalis12481

    Answer by chrysalis12481 at 3:02 PM on Jun. 19, 2008

  • I am a step mom too. When my hubby and I first got married his kids gave me hell! I just simply stated one day to them that "Hey, I am here for good! I love your dad and I even love you, so, no matter what you do I am not going anywhere! So, now knowing that what kind of relationship do you want to have with me for the rest of your lives?" and then I went on, " do you want to keep pissing me off and have stress in our home? Or, do you want to cut it out and get along so that we can all be happy and comfortable? Now, think about this, this is a lifelong decision you are making." LOL and guess what? They chose to be nice because they knew that they were being mean thinking that they were going to scare me away but by me telling them right off the bat that it wasn't going to work, they quit. Try it, hopefully it works for you too. Cause really, it was worth it, I now have a loving relationship with 3 out of 4.
    Ilovemy5joys

    Answer by Ilovemy5joys at 2:46 AM on Feb. 16, 2009

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