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How can I help them?

How can I help my kids feel safe? Yesterday at 5AM we had a prowler outside my children's bedroom window. My ex-h just got out of prison a month ago for raping me in front of my kids. I called my lawyer and she is telling me to get a gun - so I am working on the paperwork. Where I live, I can get a permit to carry a concealed weapon. Thankfully, my SO is a volunteer with the sherrif's dept so they are on alert. I called the PO for my ex and he did a body check and he is where he is sposed to be - now. Wouldn't be too hard for him to have snuck here and left and be back home now.

 
Babylove76

Asked by Babylove76 at 3:15 PM on Dec. 22, 2008 in Relationships

Level 21 (10,227 Credits)
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Answers (13)
  • All windows have locks on them and we keep our outside lights on. We can't have our dog where we live - mine is in a foster home ATM til we get a place where we can have her. It's so hard to try to feel safe. For right now, we have hidden knives and bleach cleaner in all the rooms in the house - just in case, to try to fight him off. I just wish I knew what to tell the kids to help them feel safer.
    Babylove76

    Answer by Babylove76 at 3:15 PM on Dec. 22, 2008

  • You asked this earlier this morning. 12 people answered you including me. We must not have gave you good answers?  Like I said earlier get an alarm system.

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 3:23 PM on Dec. 22, 2008

  • louise2: Yes, you all gave good answers. What I am asking now is: HOW DO I MAKE MY CHILDREN FEEL SAFER? WHAT DO I TELL THEM? They are 12, 8 and 6 yrs old!!

    Please, even though most of the information I gave this time around was the same, some of it wasn't and you might want to actually READ the question? The title this time even says: "HOW CAN I HELP THEM"? Meaning my kids!
    Babylove76

    Answer by Babylove76 at 3:32 PM on Dec. 22, 2008

  • Do you have family or friends that the kids can stay with for a few days? If so I would do it then you can wait and see if he comes back, this way if you do confront him the kids don't have to witness it.
    sammiesmom2000

    Answer by sammiesmom2000 at 3:38 PM on Dec. 22, 2008

  • sam: Well, no. I moved out of state b/c he knows all my friends & family and where they live. I just wish I knew WHAT to say to them to help them feel better. We pray with them everynight and for now, we have them sleeping in the living room, right next to our room. Their bedrooms are on the other end of the house. We live in a mobile home.
    Babylove76

    Answer by Babylove76 at 3:42 PM on Dec. 22, 2008

  • How did he find out where you live? I'd move. That's probably the only way they will feel safe, they are pretty positive that he knows where you all are, so the only option I see is to move.
    feesharose

    Answer by feesharose at 3:47 PM on Dec. 22, 2008

  • What kind of relationship do they have with him? IMO, counseling would be a great place to start to help them realize that even though they love their dad (if they have a good relationship with him), he has done some pretty bad things and you don't necessarily have to go into detail with your younger two if you don't think they are ready or old enough to process it. I went through something similar with the BF of my older two children with him being abusive. He too sexually assaulted me. However, my children were too young and never witnessed the abuse. But because yours have, I would get them talking to someone NOW because it's when they see it, that they are at a higher risk for repeating it (for boys) and allowing it to happen to them (for girls). Hope this helps some.

    LovingParent08

    Answer by LovingParent08 at 4:06 PM on Dec. 22, 2008

  • Wow you are going thru alot! I would say to let them see you calm and in control. I know it would be hard, but I would think teaching them to be safe and protect themselves is good, but it would scare them and make them feel unsafe. Try to make sure the adult they are with is the trained one and teach them boundaries...then leave it at that. Maintain a calm in front of them and give them confidence and try to keep them away from the drama. Get a schedule and stick to it as best you can. Kids start to feel more secure when they know what to expect...and see a counselor if you can.
    ria7

    Answer by ria7 at 4:20 PM on Dec. 22, 2008

  • Talk to your kids about everything...be truthful but don't give TMI. Are there any county sponsored self defense classes that they can take? This might give them a sense of security that they can take care of themselves. If you can't afford classes, try renting self defense DVD's. Take them on a tour of the police department so they can see the "men in blue" that will help them if they need it. I would also stress taking them for some sort of counselling. I agree with Ria7 that they need to see you as a strong, empowered woman and not a victim. Wishing you much luck...
    companygoddess

    Answer by companygoddess at 4:48 PM on Dec. 22, 2008

  • BTW...be careful about the schedule thing...if you REALLY think you are being stalked, routine gives the stalker opportunity. Change things up so that he never knows when to expect you.
    companygoddess

    Answer by companygoddess at 4:49 PM on Dec. 22, 2008

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