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i am in a miserable marriage, for me. But when i tried to leave he poured on the tears, and promised he would change. but has not.

I feel sorry for him. Do i stay to make him and the kids happy, or do i leave to make myself happy again. Will my kids hate me one day for being selfish??????

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Asked by Anonymous at 3:16 PM on Dec. 22, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • I believe that sometimes people marry the wrong people for the right reasons just as they marry the right people for the wrong reasons. From my own personal experience, you have to seriously consider making yourself at peace so that you can be the best mom to your kids. Doesn't always mean you are happy but you will better be able to parent your children. What the answer is for you - only you know.....GL


    Answer by Babylove76 at 3:22 PM on Dec. 22, 2008

  • Marriage is a forever deal. I think the only legitimate reasons for divorce are infidelity or physical abuse. Everything else can be worked through. You are the only one that can make yourself happy, you can't depend on someone else to do it. I really think you would benefit from reading the following books. They saved my marriage when it was just about to fall apart.

    Love & Respect by Emerson Eggerichs
    Becoming the Woman of His Dreams by Sharon Jaynes

    Both excellent reads!

    Answer by feesharose at 3:44 PM on Dec. 22, 2008

  • My ex husband was the same way and believe me when I tell you staying and making yourself miserable isnt what you want to do. My kids knew I was unhappy and knew why. Too bad if he cries and carried on. What is he 3? Tell him too bad, put his big boy undies on and suck it up because youre outta there. If you stay what are you teaching your children? If they cry they get their way? If they feel sorry for someone they should stay in a miserable relationship? The kids wouldnt want you unhappy Im sure of that and hes using emotional blackmail to keep you there. Id be royally pissed if my dh started crying like that. Id probably slap him.

    Answer by gemgem at 3:45 PM on Dec. 22, 2008

  • I agree with Babylove, %99. [ I think you should be happy in order to be the best mother you can be.]


    Answer by Anonymous at 4:03 PM on Dec. 22, 2008

  • Leaving a marriage is a tough decision. Have you guys been to counseling? Is their abuse? It is something you have to think about for a long time. My ex-husband was an alcoholic and it ended up best that I left, but I wished their was another's been almost 4yrs and he is still drinking. Two bits of advice that helped me: Don't leave till you have tried everything to fix don't want to leave any stone unturned!!! KNow you gave it you all, so you won't have regrets.

    Answer by ria7 at 4:08 PM on Dec. 22, 2008

  • When I would get mad and say I wanted to g home to my families my dad told me, "You stay and take it til your done, cause my door is wide open one time...and when you come in it you will not go back to him." I stayed about 15 months after he said that and he was right. He didn't want me leaving cause I was mad that night...he wanted met o make up my mind and not drag my daughter back and forth. Every situation is different but I thought alot on those two things.

    Answer by ria7 at 4:09 PM on Dec. 22, 2008

  • If he is making you miserable in the marriage, move on. I don't think it's selfish at all. He obviously has been messing up big time to be crying and begging forgiveness. Life is too short to give too many "second" chances. The more you let it go, the more he is NOT going to change....because you essentially are putting up with it.

    Answer by hopelessnance at 4:27 PM on Dec. 22, 2008

  • You don't say why you are miserable or why you need to leave. If it is for abuse - then you have no reason to stay and I would think your children would resent you for not leaving. However if you are miserable because you aren't in love anymore - you probably need to take a long hard look at the reasons you chose to marry him in the first place. Counseling and improving your communication with each other is definitely called for. Marriage is a commitment and without that - there is no reason to marry at all. To walk in and out of it so easily when someone tires of the other is the greatest threat to the family there is.

    Answer by kathyartist2007 at 6:41 PM on Dec. 22, 2008

  • if your miserable and have been you need counselling for yourself I think to find out why you want to leave but can't. I'm miserable too yet i know and others know why I'm still here and its' not money how I wish he we had money. Counsell yourself and then bring him in if he'll go. You can go privately for as long as your want. Ministers counsel, Catholic Charities, etc. Call United Way in your county for agencies maybe.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:45 PM on Dec. 22, 2008

  • No but don't get involved with someone right away give him that chance for him to really miss you and think about it. Just dissapear for awhile I bet he will change then.GL

    Answer by Butterfly1108 at 9:53 PM on Dec. 22, 2008

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