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What would you do if you saw your 14 year old dd and her 18 year old bf that you didnt know she had...

What would you do if you saw your 14 year old dd and her 18 year old bf that you didnt know she had standing at her window at 2am talking to him in the middle of winter. I didnt know they were dating and i dont know if i should approve of her dating such an older guy. He is really nice and it looks and sounds like he really cares for her. They have been dating for a week and she recently went to her dads 24 hours away and he calls her every night and they talk for hours and hours. I think that they have made out but im not sure and it sounds like she wont break up with him no matter what i say. I need advice ladies. Should i approve of this so they dont go sneeking around? or should i repermand her and tell her not to see him?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:19 PM on Dec. 22, 2008 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (21)
  • um hes 18 what does he want with a 14 year old little girl? I wouldnt allow my 14 year old to date a 18yr old. thats just to old. Hes to much older and would know what to say to get his way in things. .
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:21 PM on Dec. 22, 2008

  • boys only have one thing on their mind and if your ready for your daughter to start having sex and being sexual... then go ahead. I don't care how innocent and "good" your daughter is.. if she dates a 18 year old 9 times out of 10 they will have sex. And when she is that young.. they're stupid and don't realize what consequences are and thats why we have 14 yr olds having babies
    krazyash023

    Answer by krazyash023 at 3:22 PM on Dec. 22, 2008

  • Is there a reason .. like a serious reason.. why she shouldnt see or date him?! ok she is only 14, but he is only 4years older. that sounds like a lot, but actually isnt. and if he really cares for her then i dont see a problem. make sure she knows that its probably way too early for sex ect. but making out... well thats something different.... i had my first boyfriend with 13. we saw each other every day and we were kissing sometimes. it was totally cute. lol... didnt have sex with him of course.

    if you dont allow her to talk to him anymore or dont see him, then she will do it anyway. because it seems like she has a crush on him.
    m.robertson811

    Answer by m.robertson811 at 3:24 PM on Dec. 22, 2008

  • Those are all good points and when it comes to the issue about sex me and my daughter have had a long conversation about it and i told her that there is nothing that i can do to stop her from doing it but i just want her to know the concequences of doing it. I had her when i was 14 so i cant really say anything on the matter with out being a hippocrite. And i know for a fact that the guy she is seeing has VERY strong morrals and thoughts on sex.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:30 PM on Dec. 22, 2008

  • The difference in age is not a big deal depending on both of their maturity levels. I would say approve of their relationship- but set up boundaries, and make sure there is a level of comfort between the two of you so she doesnt shut you out. Good luck.

    I was 15 and dated a 21 year old- the only guy my parents liked. We didnt do more than kiss.
    ZoeKatsMom

    Answer by ZoeKatsMom at 3:41 PM on Dec. 22, 2008

  • DUDE.

    DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDE.

    1) Why didn't you know - not cool.
    2) Of course he SEEMS nice, d'oh. Let's see how nice he is now that you know about them!

    And OF COURSE you can forbid her from having relations when she is only 14. You are the PARENT - let's just say I am a "do as I say, not as I do" parent. You cannot let her walk all over you because of your past - you need to be a grown up and put down RULES. One of which would be "I' need to meet your boyfriend" and "2:00 AM is for sleeping, not 'talking' at the window".

    And I would make SURE that young man knew you have the police number in your speed dial in case he tries anything tricky. No matter what the "maturity" level is, 18 + 14 = trouble.

    Whew.
    Wimsey

    Answer by Wimsey at 4:02 PM on Dec. 22, 2008

  • Well, if you can prove they have been sexually active, even orally, you can have him arrested for statutory rape. It is illegal for anyone 18 and over to have sex with a minor. A minor, by law, is anyone under 18. It is a worse offense if they are 14 and/or younger. He could go to prison. That would be the only way to keep them apart.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:20 PM on Dec. 22, 2008

  • I don't think I would allow my child (and I have boys) to date someone that much older. 4 yrs doesn't sound like much, but when you look at the differences in their lives, it really is at that stage:

    She's 14: in middle/very early high school, still doing homework, dances, can't even drive a car yet, much less get a credit card, job, etc.

    He's 18: graduated/about to graduate high school, possibly in college, can drive, has/should have a job, has/can have his own place, credit card, etc.

    If she was 18, him 22, or something like that, it would be different. But, that's just my opinion.
    tropicalmama

    Answer by tropicalmama at 4:23 PM on Dec. 22, 2008

  • okay the age diff is a big deal, but it depends on the kids -- I was 16 and my boyfriend was 26 and no he did not pressure me at all, actually I was the boss in the relationship and I've known other relationships like that.
    What I find more concerning is that 1. you did not know from the beg. and 2. that they were talking by her window at 2 am.
    I would DEFINATELY come down hard on BOTH of them for that. If you know him pretty well I would let them date BUT I would keep a really close eye on them and would not let them go out on dates by themselves (group only and you or another adult pick-up/drop-off etc.) or other things that would limit their alone time. Also set limits on phone time, none after ___ time (I need to write all this down so I remember when my kids get there)
    Good luck
    MamiJaAyla

    Answer by MamiJaAyla at 6:17 PM on Dec. 22, 2008

  • What is an 18 y/o doing dating a 14 y/o? At that age, most of the time, all boys have on their mind is sex. It will break your daughter's heart if she really likes him but it's for her own good to cut the relationship off.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:04 PM on Dec. 22, 2008

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