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I'm torn help me please!

I am 21 & a single mom with a little girl (3) & boy (almost 2). I thought I was done. I am with a wonderful man now. Hes 30, never had kids or married. He is so good with my children. Hes very patient & very calm & I love him to death. & we would like to get married 1 day but he wants to have a child of his own. He is the last man in his family so if he doesnt have a child it would be the end of the blood line. & as much as I would love to give him a child I am torn. I love my children but I thought I was done. There are pros and cons to having children, any mother would know that. When you have 1 you love them unconditionally. But I don't know if im up for more diapers & screaming & midnight feedings & o Lord the afterbirth weight. But i can't lead him on & say yes but i don't want to say no either. Sometimes I think about it & id be all for it & then other times I think not. Any advice???


Asked by Anonymous at 5:00 PM on Dec. 22, 2008 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • I would think some more about it. It sounds as though toy did it all yourself with your 3 and 2 year old. If he is as helpful and loving as he say he is you might be more willing to do it with a partner. I am by no means a single mom and the times that I have my two children because my husband is out of town I think I'm going to pull my hair out. I admire you single moms. Again, raising a child with a husband would probably feel like a cake walk to you considering your only 21 and have already raised a 3 and 2 year old on your own.

    Answer by maddiemygirl at 5:07 PM on Dec. 22, 2008

  • talk with him about all of these fears. also, have you thought of adoption?

    Answer by Precious333 at 5:04 PM on Dec. 22, 2008

  • oh and your children areso young right now... maybe in 5 years or so you may change your mind.

    Answer by Precious333 at 5:05 PM on Dec. 22, 2008

  • Unfortunately, only you can answer this question. How long have you been seeing this man? If you were willing to have another child, I would wait for a long time and make sure that the relationship is long term before trying to get pregnant. And you are only 21 - even though you already have two children, you may want more in a few years. So I wouldnt throw in the towel on having more kids just yet. JMO. GL!

    Answer by dragonfly7271 at 5:08 PM on Dec. 22, 2008

  • I would talk to him about your concerns.
    I would also keep thinking about it as you never know what would happen in the future.

    I think a lot depends on how long you've been with him, you sound like marriage is in the future...maybe wait til that actually happens.

    I can tell you my father is the last male of his bloodline, he never had sons so my oldest carries his name(my maiden name). There are ways to pass his love along even if he never has a biological child of his own.

    You never know...maybe in 3 or so years your fears will ease and you will want one more.

    Answer by BonesDragonDew at 5:24 PM on Dec. 22, 2008

  • When I wanted another child and my husband did not he just couldn't understand why I wouldn't let it go, finally he understood that it would be a lot easier for him to learn to love another child than for me to get over not having that last one I felt we needed.
    So I say the same thing for you.This will be something that he will yearn for the rest of his life. You on the other hand will only have about a year of sleeplessness (which he will have to help you with!) & you will only have about 2-3 years of diapers. Perhaps tell him he will be required to pay for a tummy tuck and boob job if you need them or a personal trainer to help you get back in shape! But I would never deny someone the chance to be a biological parent. And again if you are absolutely not wiling to do that for him, then you should let him find someone who is wanting to have a child. Good luck!

    Answer by naomianne2 at 8:30 PM on Dec. 22, 2008

  • Let him know how you feel. If you aren't wanting his child, you need to be honest. He will have to decide what to do next and you need to be gracious if he needs to move on.

    Answer by happi-ladi at 8:35 PM on Dec. 22, 2008

  • You need to be honest with him.

    Answer by sammiesmom2000 at 8:54 PM on Dec. 22, 2008

  • after my daughter was born during my first marriage, I said that was it...she was enough...then...I got divorced...swore that I would never get married again & never have any more kids...then I met the love of my life and now we have a 2yr old & 8mth old...I thought the same thing. My oldest was 11 when the 2nd was born and I wondered about starting over with diaper changes, no sleep,'s been good though

    Answer by Jan40 at 11:44 PM on Dec. 22, 2008