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Married, now what do I do?

The summer of my first year back from college I found out I was pregnant. My boryfriend and I had been dating since high school and he had proposed to me the month after our daughter was born and we had planned to get married in June but dealing with raising a baby, we thought we should wait another summer.
I found out in June, two weeks before our postponed wedding date that he had been cheating on me since March with an older single mother living in the next town over (where he currently works now).
We thought we could fix our relationship so we rushed into buying a house together. And since we said we would get married that next June, we decided to go through with the wedding.
I love my husband, but I still can't get over his past infidelity. I thought I had but I can't. He's done everything to make up for his mistake, but it's tearing my self- esteem apart and our marriage. I just don't know what to do.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:40 PM on Dec. 22, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • Go buy this book and read it together with your husband and I would highly suggest counseling as well.

    Love & Respect by Emerson Eggerichs
    feesharose

    Answer by feesharose at 5:47 PM on Dec. 22, 2008

  • I agree! You really should BOTH sit down with a therapist that specializes in couples/marriage counseling, that way you can BOTH air your feelings in a structured and PRODUCTIVE manner with a trained mediator--so things don't get out of control, and hurt feelings cause you to lose sight of the REAL issue(s).
    LoriKeet

    Answer by LoriKeet at 5:50 PM on Dec. 22, 2008

  • I think counseling could help with this situation, but if you choose to forgive him and stick it out, you can't throw it back in his face every time you get into an argument. If you stay that is basically saying that you forgive him or are working toward forgiveness and any mention of it in anger will only damage any progress that's made. Good luck to you.
    micrespo

    Answer by micrespo at 5:58 PM on Dec. 22, 2008

  • Couples Counseling
    ap9902

    Answer by ap9902 at 6:37 PM on Dec. 22, 2008

  • See all of the above and good luck!
    lovinangels

    Answer by lovinangels at 7:07 PM on Dec. 22, 2008

  • Since he is doing everything now, I'd say put the past behind you. Get some counseling if you can't. I hope it all works out for you.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 7:34 PM on Dec. 22, 2008

  • its very hard to get past cheating in a relationship, even more so if you basically just dropped the issue at the time, It leaves alot of questions and even when they are willing to anwser its hard to trust them when they have already broken that trust, my best advice would be if you truely love him do everything in your power to work it out, it sounds to me like he made his mistakes but wants to make them right, if he is willing to put in the effort (that is sounds like he is already putting in) then i agree with the above posts saying get counseling but you need to look with in yourself about the self esteem problems i know i have self esteem problems that i sometimes end up blaming on my man but ive been working on my issues and i am seeing that its not him thats the problem
    mommie2twogirls

    Answer by mommie2twogirls at 8:00 PM on Dec. 22, 2008

  • If you want any chance of a successful marriage, you will need to forgive him and move forward. I know it's hard, but you were not married and he was very young (I know, poor excuses) but it's reality. You can get through it. If he is showing his devotion now, that is a good thing. I think you should give it a chance. Let your guard down a little and try to be happy with each other.
    hopelessnance

    Answer by hopelessnance at 10:33 PM on Dec. 22, 2008

  • i agree with a lot of these
    as awkward as it may seem counseling may be a huge help. it looks obvious that you love each other and really want to make it work so maybe getting all of your feelings out in a constructive and non confrontational way would make a big difference
    things like that are never easy but if you can fix it its worth the time
    good luck
    learae

    Answer by learae at 11:42 PM on Dec. 22, 2008

  • I know how you feel. I found it to be a very awkward situtation because my husband was bending over backwards being nice to me and I was still trying to deal with being angry. It's hard to show anger towards someone who is "now" treating you like a queen or something. I don't have any advice because I'm still going through it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:15 AM on Dec. 23, 2008

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