Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

MY SON ONLY ACTS OUT IN PUBLIC

FOR SOME REASON MY 3 1/2 SON ACTS OUT AS SOON AS WE GET IN PUBLIC. MY MOTHER IN LAW TOLD ME TO LET HIM CRY AND DON'T FEED INTO HIS TANTRUMS JUST LET HIM SEE THAT HE CAN'T GET HIS WAY SHOWING OUT LIKE THAT BUT I FEEL SO BAD AND ESPECIALLY WHEN OTHER MOTHERS LOOK AT ME LIKE I'M A BAD MOTHER. WHEN WE GET HOME I TRY TO DISCIPLINE HIM BUT HE GIVES ME THIS LITTLE FACE THAT I CAN'T RESIST AND MAKES ME FEEL LIKE A BAD MOTHER AGAIN FOR EVEN THINKING ABOUT TAKING AWAY ANY OF HIS THINGS AND I SOON GIVE THEM BACK AND SOON GIVE IN.. WHAT IM I TO DO WILL MY CHILD GROW OUT OF THIS OR WILL HE STILL CONTINUE TO ACT THIS WAY EVEN WHEN HE BECOMES UP IN AGE?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:30 PM on Dec. 22, 2008 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Answers (10)
  • Consistency, consistency, consistency.

    If' he's getting his own way at home, of course he's going try it even more out in public.

    You are not doing him any favors - you know that, right?

    He's not going to grow out of it - you need to grow up and help him. That's why it's called raising a child and not "just hanging out with Mr. Happy Rainbow ha-ha".
    Wimsey

    Answer by Wimsey at 7:39 PM on Dec. 22, 2008

  • My son who is 4 now did the same thing as yours at the same age. I think it's because I let him get away with it for so long. I was so scared of all the other women looking on and i felt as if they were using my son as an example to teach thier children what NOT to do, like "if you ever act like that little boy, i'm going to ...... " Finally, I saw a little girl have a fit over not getting chocolate milk and I saw HOW STRESSED that mother was. I knew then that I'm not the only one in this boat. So, one day I popped his leg in the store and he knew I wasn't messing around anymore. I stopped offering brib's like "toys if your good" We still have problems every now and then but I could care less about what other mom's think now! Just look at them and tell them to F' off... Well, not really but give them a go to hell look !!!!

    :)
    DancerMomof2

    Answer by DancerMomof2 at 8:02 PM on Dec. 22, 2008

  • WAIT! Seriously you wait until you get home? Until you learn to discipline your son the way you should, you deserve embarrasment. Be A MOM and spank the crap out of that kid. If you wait until you get home he has already forgotten what he did. Don't be such a wimp!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:03 PM on Dec. 22, 2008

  • You need to find a way to discipline him right then. I took my kids out from the time they were little and I can count on 1 hand the amount of times, all 4 of my kids have had tantrums while they were out. And that's in 8 years. If they want to throw a fit....I stop the cart, and I tell them I have all day to wait it out. They can either straighten up and we can go on or they can throw their fit and we'll go on. When they know that you aren't going to draw attention to it, they're not going to throw it. Hang in there. Be consistant and find some kind of punishment you can use when you go out. If worse comes to worse, I've been known to walk out of the store and go back later with the children who behave!!! lol
    Central_IL_Mom

    Answer by Central_IL_Mom at 8:05 PM on Dec. 22, 2008

  • Not only should you follow your MIL's advice to just let him cry and not give in, but you also need to tell him that since he is acting like that you are going home. It's not something that he is just going to grow out of, its a control thing and HE's the one in control. I have walked away from my shopping cart a few times and left the store with a screaming child in my arms. I have also had someone come up to me and congratulate me for making that choice instead of giving in to the tantrum. People don't think the parents with the screaming kids are "bad parents", its the ones that scream and then mom and dad say "if you stop crying I'll let you have....." that are the ones people roll their eyes at. You can't wait until you get home to punish him either. It's too late!
    slw123

    Answer by slw123 at 10:14 PM on Dec. 22, 2008

  • It's too late when you get home.
    (1) He doesn't really remember what he did.
    and
    (2) He has learned that he can push your buttons out in public.

    Plop him in timeout right there in the store. You know what? Most of the other mothers are thinking either "Thank goodness it's not me this time" or "Thank goodness she's dealing with it". Moms know that every child has rotten days and that ALL children need discipline. Kids crave rules and structure. It's your job to provide it.
    kaycee14

    Answer by kaycee14 at 10:46 PM on Dec. 22, 2008

  • And no, your child will not grow out of this phase. If you keep giving in, if you keep falling for his sad puppy dog face, if you keep going back on your stated punishments, he will have no respect for you. He will go into his school age years knowing that he can do whatever he wants and you won't care enough to stop him. His behavior will keep getting worse as he tries to figure out at what point you will actually show him you care. When will you start trying to enforce discipline? When he starts hitting other kids? When he cheats at school? When he starts doing drugs? When is the best - and only - time to do it? NOW.
    kaycee14

    Answer by kaycee14 at 10:46 PM on Dec. 22, 2008

  • Never wait til you get home. He needs to be dealt with immediately or it won't work and he'll even be damaged because he won't remember half the time what he did anyway! When my kids try to act up in public, I just treat them like I would at home and they straighten up quick. If you get a look from other people, tell them to mind their own business!
    shmorris56

    Answer by shmorris56 at 4:10 AM on Dec. 23, 2008

  • You need to bust his ass RIGHT THEN AND THERE AND not fall for him PLAYING YOU!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:47 AM on Dec. 23, 2008

  • All of our little angels channel their inner monster at some point. Don't back down. I have walked out in the middle of church service and taken mine to the bathroom to get her behavior in line. As a matter of fact, I just did it yesterday! If you're a spanker, then take him to a private aisle or take him to the car. After awhile, all you have to do is start to head for a private aisle and he'll stop. If you're not a spanker, take him home or to the car until he pulls himself together. This is especially effective if it's somewhere fun that he really wants to go. A few missed trips to Chuck E. Cheese, and he will pull it together. Also, you will realize that all that sadness evaporates like mist once you set boundaries. They are more resilient emotionally than you think, and he will love and respect you for the discipline.
    B.Wright

    Answer by B.Wright at 12:00 PM on Dec. 29, 2008

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Cafemom Join now to connect to other members! Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN