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I am in love but am I making a mistake?

I have a 5 month old son and a fiance who is not the father of my child. The man that I am engaged to has been a great friend since high school but only recently have we taken our relationship to the next level. He loves my son and treats him well and I know that financially and emotionally, he can make a stable life for the both of us. We are very much in love with each other and we can't wait to experience our life as a family, together. Right now, he is in the Air Force and is stationed in Oklahoma...My son and I live in North Carolina. The plan is for us to marry and then move in together in a few months. Being that we have never lived together before and our relationship (romantically) is just beginning, would it be a complete and utter mistake for this to happen so quickly?

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Asked by Anonymous at 8:39 PM on Dec. 22, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (15)
  • no stranger things have happened and worked out. My best friends parents only knew each other 46 days before they got married and have been married for 23 years now!

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:42 PM on Dec. 22, 2008

  • If it feels right then i say go for it...i waited almost 3 years before getting married because i wanted everything to "feel" right and it ended within 6 months of being married... Good guys are hard to find and ones that will love your child even thought they are not the "real" father are REALLY hard to find... he sounds like a keeper.. Good Luck!

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:50 PM on Dec. 22, 2008

  • He sounds like a winner. If you have doubts then you need to listen to them. But if you are sure, then go for it!

    Answer by Bmat at 8:55 PM on Dec. 22, 2008

  • the way i see it has to do with the level of commitment you both put into it. my husband and i have always been on the same page. we love each other very much. we wanted to marry almost instantly but of course we also wanted a wedding. so that takes time. we wanted a temple marriage but we moved up the date so we couldn't. long story. anyway we married in 8 months. we know it will last and i have no regret. our story is one that makes you know we were meant to be. so i never question when the date was right just that i knew it was right. i't's normal to question if it's fast or not for some but since i was way ready to marry i never questioned. i think you know deep inside what you want to do. maybe pray.

    Answer by melody77 at 8:59 PM on Dec. 22, 2008

  • mistake? No. If the love is there then it is not a mistake. However, do not go into this blindly. By moving this quickly the road you are about to travel will be harder for you than most, because you do not have the time to learn the side of him that he hides from others (I call it the dark side or alter ego). I was in the Navy and married my husband 2 months after I met him because I got orders to move cross country and did not want to leave him behind. The first 5 years were hell but then they slowly got better and now after 10 years we are doing great with the type of marriage we always dreamed of. I am not saying you trip will be as bad since you have known him longer than I knew Zach, but just do not think it is going to be easy.

    Answer by vbongard at 9:16 PM on Dec. 22, 2008

  • It can't hurt to try. I mean, if you guys are ready for the next level, then I think you should go for it. If you guys are really in love then it will work out. Just keep the lines of communication open, and talk with each other about what you're feeling. I hope it all works out. It's not so easy to find a guy that is willing to take over in the dad department, too. Those kinds of men are rare...and worth it in the long run. Try it out, and take it from there.

    Answer by chavela_carlita at 9:30 PM on Dec. 22, 2008

  • hubby and i became a couple on 9/11/99 married on10/23/99, and have happily been at each others thraot trying to kill each other ever since :)) i also had a five mth old when we got together, and hubby is the olny father he has ever known, and he also has three more siblings
    i say go for it
    good luck

    Answer by bi-polarmommy at 9:52 PM on Dec. 22, 2008

  • It sounds like he is a good man and you were friends first for a long time. I think you should go for it. Don't pass up an opportunity for happiness. Love is risky. He sounds like a great person to take this chance on! You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders, because you are weighing the odds. If it doesn't work out, you will survive and start again from there. I say go for it. And good luck!

    Answer by hopelessnance at 9:58 PM on Dec. 22, 2008

  • I say if it feels right then go for it. He sounds like a good man and they are in short supply. Good luck:)

    Answer by micrespo at 10:26 PM on Dec. 22, 2008

  • If it feels right then go for it! I meet my now husband while we were both active duty in the AF, we went on 1 date as a couple (3 as a group of friends), one month later my 2 yr old son at the time (not his) and I moved in to his place and we have been together 3 yrs now. We got married in May this year and we have a daughter (dec 07) together now and he still treats my son as his own. He is the only daddy my son has really ever known. DS calls his bio dad by his first name and my husband daddy. If you think it is right then go for it, but just in case always have a back up plan. Don't leave yourself and child strained if something goes wrong.

    Answer by momma2JD at 11:12 PM on Dec. 22, 2008

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