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How do you work through the fact that you will never have your own kids and never be accepted nor viewed as a mother to your step-children?

Their real mother committed suicide (when kids were 12 and 14)...right after I started dating their father.

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Asked by Anonymous at 1:48 PM on Jul. 14, 2008 in About CafeMom

Answers (3)
  • How long have you been with the father in this situation? Are you married? I would like more info. If you have tried all you can to have a child and can't I'm sorry. I don't know how to get through that. But, with his kids is it your preception or something you've been told? I guess I would suggest counceling for you and the kids. Those ages are tough. This probably didn't help much, but hang in there and communicate.

    Answer by Teachermom01 at 1:55 PM on Jul. 14, 2008

  • Some thoughts from the other side.  My mom passed away suddenly when I was 11 and we went to live with dad & step-mom... This was not an easy transition and I was awful to my step-mother- I wouldn't accept her (even though we got along great prior to my mom's death), didn't think she had the right to tell me what to do and I really resented her for being there when my mom wasn't. This is my long-winded way of telling you that there may be a light at the end of the tunnel. It took several years and a lot of patience/understanding by my step mom but her and I have an awesome relationship now and I do consider her my mom and thank god for her. The only advice I can offer from the opposite point of view is be patient, respect the memory of thier mother- mother of the year material or not, and don't give up- it will take time for them to realize that loving you doesn't mean they love their mom less.  Good Luck

    Answer by MommytoGRP at 3:37 PM on Jul. 14, 2008

  • There may be groups for step-mothers. I'd ask the kids if they would mind if you called them your kids. Find out what their hopes dreams, skills, talents, aspirations are and help them make goals and follow through...

    Answer by TXdanielly at 12:45 AM on Jul. 15, 2008

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