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HELP! please...

my daughter was an angel...until the day after her 1st bday. it has been a month now since her bday and still...no improvement. She SCREAMS frantically at bed time. Loud high pitched shreiks. Then when I go to comfort her or pick her up she bites me. During the day she throws things, yells, kicks stuff over. Screams for no reason (angry screaming.) Now our household is quiet and calm, so I have absolutely no clue where she could have learned this behavior. She is at home with me all day. Does anyone know what to do?! I am really in all seriousness about to give up and just let her do w/e the hell she wants. because we live with our in-laws, and they yell at us every time we let her cry. although they dont yell infront of her. Please...help?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:04 PM on Dec. 22, 2008 in Toddlers (1-2)

Answers (16)
  • This is normal hun. She has started her terrible twos. My daughter will be 2 in April and she screams and never listens. I put her in time out and she giggles and walks out. She tests me all the time so I usually just put her into her crib and let her throw a fit and get her out when she is done. My mo yells at me when I let her cry and scream but sometimes thats all you can do. I think at this age there isnt much that can be done. Its a noraml thing for all children this age. But who knows if we can stay sane that long lol?
    Morgan.

    Answer by Morgan. at 10:11 PM on Dec. 22, 2008

  • see its not really a matter of her throwing fits, i firmly beleive that kids should be ignored when throwing fits. its the in-laws. they come into the room and give her whatever it is she wants. if i let her scream when i put her into bed they tell me "well she is trying to tell you that she doesnt want to go to bed." well yeah, most kids dont want to go to bed. but no, then they take it upon themselves to go into her room and get her out of her crib and let her play. we have talked to them a million times about it and they say that we're neglecting her by letting her cry like that.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:15 PM on Dec. 22, 2008

  • And now, since we just layed her down and she is shreiking, they are in here yelling at us again. telling us "oh she is hurting" and that we are horrible people for sitting here and letting her scream like that. And then they said that we should bring her back down and let her play. Umm...its 10:30 at night. She belongs in bed and thats where she is going to stay. Am I the only one in the world who thinks that my parenting methods are okay?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:23 PM on Dec. 22, 2008

  • Geez this is hard because they need to let you and DH parent -they had their chance kwim? As for her behavior-it sounds like it came on suddenly? that may be a warning sign of something happening to her-I don't mean to panic you. It may be the age but if it just suddenly happened...has someone new come into her life that could be upsetting her in some way?The other thing is, kids are fast learners lol, she is learning that if she screams and throws things-she gets mommy's attention. I am running out of room lol so I seriously am going to email you directly because I think it's very fixable.
    Bearsjen

    Answer by Bearsjen at 10:26 PM on Dec. 22, 2008

  • Crap! your name isn't up there...email me if you'd like more help with this. Like I said the biggest thing is in-laws need to let YOU parent. good luck!
    Bearsjen

    Answer by Bearsjen at 10:27 PM on Dec. 22, 2008

  • Ahh... I bet you thought the "terrible two's" started at 2 years old. Nope. They can start anytime - usually somewhere in the 2nd year (which is when the child is 1 year old), sometimes earlier, sometimes later.

    Set up a timeout spot. Somewhere boring, with no toys or TV around and not her room. When picking, select a fairly safe spot since she may be throwing herself on the floor.
    When she acts rotten, firmly state "NO THROWING" (or whatever is needed) and take her there. She gets 1 minute for every year of age and the clock starts ONCE SHE IS CALM.
    kaycee14

    Answer by kaycee14 at 10:30 PM on Dec. 22, 2008

  • So, plop her in her time out spot and stay nearby but don't interact with her. Don't try to talk her out of it. Don't tell her to calm down. Pretend to ignore: pretend to write a shopping list or read a book for example. If she gets up, take her back. If necessary, physically restrain her but NO TALKING.
    Once she is calm, start the clock. A mental clock is fine or you can set a timer.
    Once the clock goes off, take her in your lap and make three statements similar to this:
    I'm so happy you calmed down.
    Throwing toys is not allowed.
    Let's find something fun to do instead.
    Give her a hug and go help her find something good to do. Spend a few mintues playing with her to reward her calm behavior.
    kaycee14

    Answer by kaycee14 at 10:31 PM on Dec. 22, 2008

  • This works for tantrums too. Since she isn't breaking any rules, just keep her there until she calms down.
    You MUST be consistent. If you are, she'll catch on quickly. If you aren't, you'll confuse the heck out of her and she'll actually behave even worse.

    Good luck!
    kaycee14

    Answer by kaycee14 at 10:31 PM on Dec. 22, 2008

  • And yes, your husband needs to tell his parents to back off while the two of you fix this. It needs to be him that talks to them and firmly states that this is HIS and YOUR kid and you will raise her as you see fit. Grandparents can spoil but they can not take over.

    Toddlers throw screaming, crying, floor banging fits to get their way. If you give in, they quickly learn it works. If you don't give in, they quickly learn it doesn't work. They'll keep trying it since they don't know how else to demand what they want or how to express frustration. You have to keep making certain they know it doesn't push your buttons.
    kaycee14

    Answer by kaycee14 at 10:35 PM on Dec. 22, 2008

  • i feel ya, my older son had the terrible ones, one and a halfs and the terrible twos. im finding more and more that once they start screaming and crying that you really need to redirect their attention to something else. like holy crap stop pulling the books off that shelf and lets go over here and color a picture
    when my son throws a fit i try to act goofy and make him laugh with kissing or tickling. it mostly seems to work but hes a tough cookie
    im still working on this myself but the best thing to do is just be calm and whatever about it. do what you can to help them but keep in mind that maybe sometimes they just need to let loose, i know i sure want to throw a tantrum now and then :)
    learae

    Answer by learae at 10:49 PM on Dec. 22, 2008

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