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How do you stop a 50/50 child from putting mom and step mom agansted each other

Mom is about to have a baby out of wed lock and my step child is tell mom and I made up stoies that are making both of us againsted each other. It seem to be mostly about the baby that is on the way. I don't know what to say to her to make her stop or so that she can understand that mom and I are friends and we are rasing her together. Anything will help at this point

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kadenstepmom

Asked by kadenstepmom at 10:54 PM on Dec. 22, 2008 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • if you are friends maybe the two of youy should sit down together so the child can see that you're friends. then you can discuss the beahaivor together.
    chacha101

    Answer by chacha101 at 10:58 PM on Dec. 22, 2008

  • Communication, communication, communication! Between the adults! Let her know that anything she tells you, you are going to ask the other mom about! And make sure you follow through (and vice-versa). Also, make sure she has consequences for her actions (loss of privileges, grounding, etc.). You are wise to nip this in the bud because it will only get worse as she gets older. Also, it is not good for her to think she is "getting one over" on the adults.

    Mishelly728

    Answer by Mishelly728 at 11:08 PM on Dec. 22, 2008

  • You and mom keep communicating. Once the child knows you are united in doing what is best and won't play the game the child will quit.

    momtoonecuteboy

    Answer by momtoonecuteboy at 2:52 AM on Dec. 23, 2008

  • I think that if you and her mother are friends then you need to talk to each other. She is only a child and is more then likely having feeling about this new baby. I would try and talk to the child about her feeling and why she is saying things.

    As long as you and the mother talk to each other and do not let what she is saying bother you then I would think things should be okay.
    cornflakegirl3

    Answer by cornflakegirl3 at 4:28 AM on Dec. 23, 2008

  • you and mom need to talk to each other, and you and mom need to sit down together with the child and let her know that you are onto her stories, and that while you don't understand why she is doing it, whatever result she is hoping to get is not going to happen. It needs to be just like when parents living in the same house are told to keep a united front with their kids, only in this case instead of mom and dad, it's mom and stepmom.
    tropicalmama

    Answer by tropicalmama at 9:38 AM on Dec. 23, 2008

  • Yep...what the others said. Don't rely on her for information and don't send information with the child. Do all your communicating directly with the mom. Do your best not to put her in the middle. Sounds like youre doing a good job of being friends and an advocate for the child. Excellent.
    momofsaee

    Answer by momofsaee at 11:38 AM on Dec. 23, 2008

  • When she starts "sharing" stories, interrupt her with, "I appreciate your concern, but we have figured it out for ourselves." I agree that she should see the two of you together - perhaps discussing the things she says about each of you. While you get a giggle, she can see that there are no secrets between her mothers. Later you can ask her if she has any ideas about getting along better with both of you. You might get some insight into her particular insecurity about her position in your lives, especially with the new baby coming.
    It's important that the two of you can play together, though! Even if you have to act some of the time, you have to present a united front! If she hears, even once, one of you talk negatively about the other, the whole thing will backfire. This is the time for grown ups to be grown, and in twenty years it will be soon enough for her to figure out how you really feel about each other!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:58 AM on Dec. 24, 2008

  • I think that first off you have to keep in mind the place where your step child is coming from.
    1) there is going to be a big change very soon, a new baby. Your step child is likely not thrilled with the fact that there is this new child coming into the picture or they might have a lot of unease with what will happen.
    2) If mom and you have had drama in the past there is a good chance that the child knows that and is manipulating the both of you for her own attention

    I think that you should make it clear to your step child that you accept that he or she is going to have a baby brother or sister. Offer to take the step child shopping for a gift for mom or the new baby before the arrival.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:59 AM on Dec. 26, 2008

  • OPEN COMMUNICATION!

    Happ-eToBme

    Answer by Happ-eToBme at 3:15 AM on Dec. 26, 2008

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