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what am I to do??

my 3 year old son has been acting out lately especially after me and my ex husband got a "you know what".. My son comes home from visiting his father and his father's " new little fling" what ever she suppose to be to him . And my son acts so mean toward our dogs and once he called one of our dogs a little b****.. I asked him where did he get that word from and he says "thats what daddy calls YOU, mommy" .. And I am so hurt because he thinks its ok. He uses the word out in pubic and calls other kids that word..Once we were at the super market and an older lady was passing by and she waved at him and said how cute he looked and he said " thank you b****" I was sooooooooo upset and embarrassed, i just wanted to die... I don't know if i should stop letting him visit his "so called father" or what. I'm afraid he will just be learning more bad things and i don't know what to do??

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:21 AM on Dec. 23, 2008 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Answers (8)
  • You need to talk to your ex and tell him to be civil and quit making this hard on your son! He's being selfish and needs to get over it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:24 AM on Dec. 23, 2008

  • I think what you two need to do is to sit down with a moderator or counselor and set some boundaries in place, complete with consequences for not following through. That is not okay that your son said that and now can't stop saying it. It's so horrible that your ex calls you that in front of your son.
    hgibsonorc

    Answer by hgibsonorc at 1:24 AM on Dec. 23, 2008

  • That's a shame. I feel your pain & I think that you should be sure to let your EX know that whatever he may feel about you that he should really keep his comments to himself or at least away from the baby. Regardless, You are the baby's mommy & your EX really should respect that if not anything else. If your Ex. can not follow the these simple request then I would make keep it on file just in case you both needed to change visiting rights. He needs to start acting like an adult & grow up. What kind of father does he want to be anyway?
    onespecialmom

    Answer by onespecialmom at 1:48 AM on Dec. 23, 2008

  • You are upset that your three year old uses a word that daddy uses to discribe you??? Have you said, You are not allowed to use that word, it is a bad word that is mean? Daddy is in big trouble? I can't believe you are allowing your three year old to continue to use it. Dad is an ass. You know this because you are now divorced. SO....tell your son, Daddy is being mean when he uses this word , it is unacceptable and you don't EVER want to hear him say that again.
    SusieD250

    Answer by SusieD250 at 2:24 AM on Dec. 23, 2008

  • What have you done to try to stop your son from saying that word?

    I agree with SusieD250....tell him he's not allowed to use that word, that it's a bad word and even Daddy shouldn't be using it. And make sure you're not talking bad about his dad in front of him.

    Contact your lawyer. There should be something in the divorce agreement stating that the parents are not to speak ill of each other in front of the kids. If there is a clause like that, file contempt charges against your ex. Every time you find out he's said something like that, or done something against what's in the papers...file a contempt charge. It will take a few times, but he can/will go to jail for it. Just make sure you're following the agreement to a "T".

    You cannot refuse to let your son visit his dad or YOU can be found in contempt. If you refuse to let your ex have his visitation, it could lead to you losing your son.
    TiccledBlue

    Answer by TiccledBlue at 6:14 AM on Dec. 23, 2008

  • Do not waste time talking to his dad. If he was capable of changing, you wouldn't have had to divorce him in the first place. I’m speaking from experience, so know that you are not alone.

    Be smart! Talk to your attorney, find out what documentation you need to have his rights curtailed, and be relentless about getting it. Give him every opportunity to act the fool. Never respond in kind or tell him what you’re doing. When you get to court, have your attorney bury him. Bottom line: he is a sorry influence, and you have an obligation to shield your son.

    As for your son, I suggest you pull out all the stops and go nuts when he starts invoking the “b” word or being vicious. Take away everything; go off; roll on the floor if you have to. You need to set the stage for what your relationship will be from now on. He may hate it now, but he will love and respect you for it when he’s older.
    B.Wright

    Answer by B.Wright at 11:48 AM on Dec. 29, 2008

  • my friend recently was on the phone and said "son of a bitch" my son was there, it has been 2 months and he says the word non stop...i have tried ignoring it for weeks, time-outs, dont say that word, etc
    jessean

    Answer by jessean at 1:02 AM on Dec. 30, 2008

  • Another thought on this . . . Your son is obviously having a really tough time with the transition to having his parents in separate households. It may be helpful to offer him options for expressing his feelings in a constructive way. He may not know how to release his anxiety and frustration and therefore it's spilling out in destructive ways. These are skills he will have to learn anyway, so no harm in starting now!
    B.Wright

    Answer by B.Wright at 11:52 AM on Dec. 30, 2008

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