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Out of control 15 yr old?????

my son is currently in coulseling and on medicine he's almost 15 yr old. He will threaten his step-dad and other kids in house. He gets out of control with his rages to the point he will destroy things. he has hit his step-dad. it's to the point to where my husband doesnt want him here anymore so I'm not sure what to do. husband wants to send him to live with his dad. Does this make me a bad mother? I honestly dont know what to do. I know if we were to divorce over this I cant handle him on my own. I love my son dearly but just not sure how to handle this.
He gets out of control when he doesnt get his way. ( defiant ) and it doesnt take much to get him angry. my husband says he just tired of him saying he's going to kill him in his sleep ect....... and yes he's in couseling but so far doesnt seem like it's helping at all. Any advice?


Asked by Anonymous at 8:27 AM on Dec. 23, 2008 in Teens (13-17)

This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • I have two special needs kids. Both are teens. One is bipolar and one is autistic. Both have destroyed things in our home and come to blows with someone. My husband is their step dad but we have never considered sending them to their biodads. I wouldnt do it. I would however see about getting him screened for bipolar if he seems to cycle through moods. Good luck.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:33 AM on Dec. 23, 2008

  • I agree with anon above, bipolar was my first thought. Read about it online and see if what your son is going thru is the same.



    Answer by Kat122 at 8:39 AM on Dec. 23, 2008

  • Yes and I will add medication is fine but if its the wrong kind it can actually make things worse. My son was diagnosed with ADHD and ODD and placed on medication and had similar issues youre describing. As it turned out the medication he was on was wrong and was actually contributing to the problem and making it worse. My sons now on an anti seizure medication and seraquel and its helped alot.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:42 AM on Dec. 23, 2008

  • It sounds as if he needs more than just counselling, although family counselling wouldn't hurt so that your husband might be able to get out his frustrations and you, too. I know how you and he must be feeling.
    I would advise finding a psychiatrist and having your son re-evaluated. Have his meds re-evaluated, as well.
    I would also look into anger management classes for him. He may have a mental disorder, but he can still control some of his impulses and anger management would teach him some valuable skills.
    Best wishes.

    Answer by PrydferthMenyw at 9:26 AM on Dec. 23, 2008

  • They do have a lot of hormones at this age, and often can't express what is going on in their heads. Do you have him in a sport or other activity that really tires him and allows him to get his aggression out in a positive way? It's also not a horrible thing to tell him that he will not be allowed to threaten or go "out of control." If he is threatening to kill and such, ask a cop friend to come talk to him or take him for a visit to the juvenile hall so he will understand that there are consequences for being out of control. Also, make cookies and milk and talk with him often if there is a few minutes here and there. He needs to realize that he doesn't have to do this growing up thing all by himself. Perhaps have your husband talk to some other dads too. He's got to be on the team and teaching your son about being a man or your son will feel very much alone.

    Answer by TeaAnderson at 11:54 AM on Dec. 23, 2008

  • is rediculous how ppl right away wanna put there kids as "bipolar" and on meds. Honestly.... U need to sit dwn and tlk to him one on one and get some insight on his view of things. U wuld be suprised as to what you might hear. He may be struggling with you being married to another man and not his own father. Maybe some other things... i dnt kno wat happens in ur household. But dnt run to meds and therapists cuz to me meds is another way to numb ur kids... kinda like drugs. U need to sit dwn with him...JUST YOU AND HIM...

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:53 PM on Dec. 23, 2008

  • I know someone who's son was full of rage from 3rd grade when he turned 15 he got the right counselor and found out that one of his friends dads back in 3rd grade who lived 4 houses over had been raping him! Anger is for a reason, switch counselors or ask if any one has violated him in some way. The kid I know would tear up his room for now reason, he has sweet parents who tried everything under the sun to help him. I don't know if this is why your son is so angry but its just a thhought.... This boy is 18 now and calls himself a "survivor" the molester is in prison for 50 years!

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:58 PM on Dec. 23, 2008

  • First of all it would not make you a bad mom to have him go live with his dad. If he is threatening his younger siblings then you need to protect them. My oldest was out of control, I called the police (they wouldn't do anything) I put him inpatient care (that didn't help) I finally sent him to go live with his dad.

    Answer by sammiesmom2000 at 11:12 AM on Dec. 24, 2008

  • Try talking to him... just you... not the step dad. And think about when this started and who it directed at... because unless its just the short story that makes it seem this way... it looks to me like its being directed at the step dad. And its not uncommon for kids to dislike their step parents. Ask him what he thinks of living at his dads... and you need to decided if that just a easy solution for you or actually something that your son could benefit from. How do you think his dad would handle it. Would he handle it?

    Answer by dtetz at 11:26 AM on Dec. 24, 2008

  • Things like that. Do you ever sit in on a consueling? When my paarents were having touble with me they put me in consueling and the consueler actually decided that a lot of things were stemming off of my parents so she split the time in half... the first half was just me then she would have my parents come in and talk to us all. Well needless to say she basically told my parents they could loosen up a little and try givig me more credit for my efforts. My mom tried and my dad just got mad and pulled me out because he was controlling. Guess who I don't talk to anymore... my dad (my parents are not together and haven't been). Just really think about things... look past your mind... look at why your son may be acting like this. And don't try to spare feelings... yours, your husbands, no ones... be completely honest about why he may be acting like that.

    Answer by dtetz at 11:26 AM on Dec. 24, 2008