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Should a Husband be with wife & kids or with Parents & siblings for New Years?

I spend New Years with my family every year & will not consider not being there. My mom is sick this year & I feel I need to start the New Year with her even more. My husband just said that he's spending New Years with his family this year (& probably every new year forward). Which means he won't be bringing the New Year in with my daughter & I.

Is this common? Do you spend New Years with your husband?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:25 AM on Dec. 23, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • I think it's a common problem. We all come together with our own traditions. I have never missed a Thanksgiving or Christmas with my family. We always spend Thanksgiving with my family and the majority of Christmas day with my family. If my husband asked to go to his families celebration one year I guess I would have to do it. I wouldn't be happy about it, but I would put on a happy face. It's all about compromise. Fortunately I think my husband has more fun with my family so it works out for both of us. We're spending New Year's together with our friends.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:31 AM on Dec. 23, 2008

  • I feel that your family is your husband and child. This family should decide what to do. If you all decide that because of your mother's illness that you wish to be there and that you all don't mind if your husband is with his extended family, then it is OK. But if you all don't feel that way, then some more discussion needs to take place. Perhaps you can be with one extended family on New Years eve and with the other on New Years Day. One or both of you may need to bend a little to keep your own family, -you, your husband, and child- together.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 9:34 AM on Dec. 23, 2008

  • consider that you aren't willing to go elsewhere....so don't expect him to, either. Perhaps you can swap children each year.
    Dh's parents have a huge themed party every year and I attend ONLY IF he does NOT have his kids, otherwise I go to my friends house. But my DH doesn't expect or assume that I will be there, he simply finds it a treat if I accompany him.
    moniquesand

    Answer by moniquesand at 9:35 AM on Dec. 23, 2008

  • Why can't you guys comprimise?
    ReneeK3

    Answer by ReneeK3 at 9:38 AM on Dec. 23, 2008

  • Why should he change when you won't? Why can't you spend time with each, if you live close enough. Anything is ok, if you both agree, but don't guilt trip him for doing what you do. You may have important reasons, but I'm sure his family is equally important to him.

    Teachermom01

    Answer by Teachermom01 at 10:00 AM on Dec. 23, 2008

  • Why is it okay for you to want to spend the New Year with your family and for him it isn't okay? That's a double standard and unfair. I'm sorry that your mom is ill and am sending best wishes for a speedy recovery...but this issue didn't start this year...sounds like DH has had enough. I think you need to compromise so that you can all stay together.
    companygoddess

    Answer by companygoddess at 10:03 AM on Dec. 23, 2008

  • well can you split it up it might be easier if you and him go to his family 1st then to yours its a win win beacuse i see his point and yours (his point: its not fair if you go see your parents and family and i miss out on mine and he does not think its fair and (your point: your mom is sick and you want to see her you probably miss her so you cant wait to see her and with newyears coming you figered its away to go and have fun with her once more) maybe if you split it up you both can have that family time and no one feels obligated to start a fight over whos going where stay together and make a game plan for the holidays
    brandi_07

    Answer by brandi_07 at 10:09 AM on Dec. 23, 2008

  • With New Years coming so close after Christmas, it's good to have one of the holidays where you are not all obligated to be anywhere in particular. Personally, my new year started yesterday... the day after the solstice. But I'm not overly concerned with holidays in general. It doesn't sound like you really have a problem with him being elsewhere just perhaps concerned that it is not normal or appropriate? I can't tell. Can your daughter choose to go either place?
    figaro8895

    Answer by figaro8895 at 10:12 AM on Dec. 23, 2008

  • I think your husband is confused. His family now is you and your daughter. My husband never missed a holiday with me since we have known each other for 3 years now. Hed always ask me what I want to do first before making any other plans. Yes, hed rather spend the new year with me rather than his son when we were only dating.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:23 AM on Dec. 23, 2008

  • I would go ahead and let him be with his family this year, and try to compromise for next year. Just call him when the clock strikes 12, or set up Skype and see him via online.

    I'm really close to my family and we all live in the same area, I'll admit my husband is sometimes suffocated by my family. He misses his parents, his sister, so we compromise on holidays and where we spend them.

    Your husband shouldn't have to choose between you and your daughter and his parents,etc. You and your daughter should be the priority but you both have give a little here.
    lilmommy0416

    Answer by lilmommy0416 at 2:02 PM on Dec. 23, 2008

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