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Partner changes his mind

How would you pull yourself together if your partner changes his mind about wanting a baby, after trying for a baby, and your bio clock is ticking loudly as a forty year old?

(Was) TTC but not pregnant. And yes, we broke up this week too because of the issue.


Asked by Anonymous at 9:30 AM on Dec. 23, 2008 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • I just want to hug you. When I had my daughter at age 22, part of my desire had to do with wanting a person that would just love me and not leave - not really the ideal reason for having a child, I suppose, but in retrospect, that's a big job for someone to fill. And my 17 year-old is now living with her grandparents (long story), although our relationship is good now - so you never can tell how things will work out anyway.

    There are many legacies you can leave of yourself. Your whole story so far is a legacy - don't devalue anything you have done, good or bad. One of the best solutions I have found for keeping time from just speeding off meaninglessly is to pursue the simple things I want to do and the things that make me happy. If you can learn how to be happy independent of other people you have given yourself a lasting gift. And, ironically, attract others to you.

    Follow your dreams.

    Answer by figaro8895 at 10:43 AM on Dec. 23, 2008

  • Sorry to hear that. It must be breaking your heart. He should have told you sooner, but you can't change that. I hope he has a change of heart. Other than that I guess you would have to find someone who wants a family. That probably sounds like a major undertaking but you have to determine the next steps to take to make you happy.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:35 AM on Dec. 23, 2008

  • You are grieving for a lost relationship, damaged hopes. So give yourself time. Don't settle for someone just because you are worried about your biological clock- this would not be good for you or a baby or even the man. Take time to settle your own feelings and then work on making friends- clubs, classes, volunteer work, service organizations, religious institiutions- make friends and perhaps you will find someone with similar interests and hopes. I know there are good guys out there who want to settle down and have a family.

    Answer by Bmat at 9:39 AM on Dec. 23, 2008

  • My opinion is. His loss. Now days you can go to a clinic and have a baby without a man. If you want a baby that badly. That's what I would do in your situation.


    Answer by louise2 at 9:56 AM on Dec. 23, 2008

  • Since time is of the essence I have to agree with Louise. It could take a while to cultivate a new relationship and know whether you want to reproduce with the next guy... This will create new challenges for you in relationships though, as I'm sure you know. One question: was the desire to have a baby with the guy you just broke up with a result of feeling the relationship slipping away? I'm sure that wasn't the only reason you all broke up, was it?

    I am about to turn 40. For a while hubby and I were really trying to get pregnant, but now we're thinking we could enjoy life together without raising a child. At this point, fertility is questionable anyway. As much trying as we've done, it should have happened by now... Just wondering if you are prepared to deal with that angle, since fertility decreases rapidly in late 30s. Will you be okay if it doesn't work?

    Answer by figaro8895 at 10:09 AM on Dec. 23, 2008

  • All of you are very sweet.

    To figaro8895- Thank you very much. The idea to have a baby was a desire between myself and my partner. For myself, I have been very busy with my life. And when I look back, I wanted something to reflect on my life that would stay with me, as with a child being always your child. Seemed that life was slipping away too quickly. --My partner, he wanted a son. He is 45 years old, and now it seems that he wanted too much too quickly in retrospect. Nature takes her time.

    I am working hard to restart in another business venture. My sadness- This just seems to be a repeat that stole the years out of my life to begin with. Just gives an empty feeling.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:24 AM on Dec. 23, 2008