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How can u adjust to two stepchildren??????

I have 5 kids of my own and my husband got custody of his 2 boy that are 9 n 6 yrs old, but I don't know how to treat the oldest he doesn't listen he does what ever he wants and am really going crazy with him.

Is someone else having the same problem or similar situation that could Please give me some advise???????????

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Asked by pauoo2 at 11:32 AM on Aug. 11, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 2 (9 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • Well at 9 he knows you are not his mom and like it or not to him you are just some woman his dad married, and odds are without asking how he felt about it. Having 5 kids myself and a blended family my best advice is what I gave my husband. Just tell him you are not there to replace his mom, or be his mom, but you are another grown up who is on his side. Tell him you hope in time he can see that you care about him and he can come to you with whatever problems he has. In the meantime though you do have house rules everyone is supposed to follow, plain and simple, and if he chooses not to you will not punish him, but his father will.

    Answer by gemgem at 11:36 AM on Aug. 11, 2011

  • I really dont have any advice......because I am in the same boat. I have two step kids that have no structure at their mom's house and then when they come to my house, they just do whatever. Anyway....All I can offer is to hold your ground and make your husband step up.

    Answer by jayeguice at 11:37 AM on Aug. 11, 2011

  • It's crazy for them to.. They did not ask for their family to be ripped apart or to have another woman taking care of them. Give them some time & then perhaps you can all sit down & talk.

    Answer by SuperrMommyy at 11:46 AM on Aug. 11, 2011

  • Is your husband helping to back you at all? It is important that your husband maybe sit down and talk to them that they have to at least respect you as an adult in the household. They don't have to love you like they do their mom but at least to have respect...

    Being a stepmom is WAY tough. I am a stepmom too and I have found fantastic support just this past week through an online magazine and terrific forum . There are also some areas with support groups but I don't have one where I live.

    Answer by joisie1978 at 12:27 PM on Aug. 11, 2011

  • I dont have step kids but I do have a step mom ( who i have a great relationship with) and an ex stepfather ( whom I never got along with) . The important thing ( step mom did this, step dad didnt) is to carve out individual time to do something with each kid just the two of you that they would enjoy and also individual time with you and both kids. Try to include them in things with you and their daddy. Also having a good relationship ( atleast civil) with there mom helps wonders. Just be yourself and get to know them its all about give and take , not over stepping boundaries and NEVER try to replace their parent ! Youll be fine just kind of let them take the lead

    Answer by RomansMommy0108 at 12:52 PM on Aug. 11, 2011

  • ALSO as far as the disipline goes you and DH need to sit down and say these are the rules that all the kids follow ( helps if it comes mostly from his dad) and these are the consequences if you dont. Dont try to be his mom but deff let him know that he needs to listen to you and ALL the kids have the same rules to follow not just yours or DH's. And make sure you and DH are 100% in agreement on everything and are a united front or he will see the weakness and exploit it( really i promise he will). So step 1 talk to hubby step 2 talk to step kids step 3 FAMILY talk and FAMILY time with all the kids everyone is adjusting not just you, it affects everyone and be understanding its a big change for them

    Answer by RomansMommy0108 at 12:55 PM on Aug. 11, 2011

  • Mmm..breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth. I think that both you and your hubby need to sit down and talk about disciplining issues. To get along with others, especially step-children, you just gotta be patient.

    Answer by onelove1982 at 2:39 PM on Aug. 11, 2011

  • There are many step parenting groups here on Cafemom that will help you. The first two years of any blended family situation are very difficult. Your husband needs to support you and your parenting of his children unconditionally. If he doesn't, then it will be much harder. Disengaging from most of the care of these kids is another option.

    Answer by lilangilyn at 3:34 PM on Aug. 11, 2011

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