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Should I address an old issue that bothers me nearly 15 years later?

I've seen a lot of bad things as a child. Many of these things were forgotten until I was between 14 and 16 years old when a lot of it came back into my mind. One of those things was the memory of my mother attempting suicide by cutting her wrists in front of me and my older brother. I remember every second of it. I was about 7 years old at the time. The next day everyone acted like it never happened. I think that's why it was forgotten so long. I'm 22 now and from time to time it pops in my head and I get sick from the memory. I've considered therapy to get rid of so many of these old memories and would likely bring up this particular disturbing imagery but I've also considered bringing it up to my parents and asking why. I want to know why it was ignored. I can't seem to make myself forget again.

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Asked by Anonymous at 7:12 PM on Dec. 23, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • Water under the bridge dear. Talk to a professional if you cant let the past go. Everyone acted like nothing happened cause people used to act that way in front of kids in order to make it seem like no big deal. If it happened today everyone would be telling you to sit the kids down and have a talk with them so they understand and arnt traumatized when they are older.

    Answer by vbruno at 7:16 PM on Dec. 23, 2008

  • Have you maybe tried a therapy session with your parents involved? Would they go for that?

    Answer by Married2theBest at 7:16 PM on Dec. 23, 2008

  • Let the parents continue to avoid mentioning it. But for your sake get counseling.

    Answer by Bmat at 7:22 PM on Dec. 23, 2008

  • I'd go for counselling therapy first to best deal with your confusion and concerns about the attempt and then with your counseller's backing, in case your mom or both parents refuse, ask them to come to some sessions with you. I know someone who did commit suicide and a child of theirs never been told but rumors abound. Don't let this eat away at you. Get a counsellor who's experienced in survivors of suicide. You are a survivor of suicide and your parents are. Survivors still deserve answers, doesn't mean they'll get what they want. But with help,ask.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:24 PM on Dec. 23, 2008

  • it depends on what type of people they are as to whether I'd talk to them about it or not. I'd definetely suggest you get in some sort of therapy to help you deal with the memories. When a person starts remembering things like that, it's because the mind knows that it's needing to deal with it and it's strong enough now. If you're close to your Mom, I think it'd be best to do it as a one on one with either her or your Dad if you need to know why she did it. I doubt if you have a reason, it'll make the memory any easier to see in your head.

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 7:25 PM on Dec. 23, 2008

  • I am sure your mother is ashamed that she let you see that and I am very sorry that you did. From therapy I have learned that when a person gets to the point that they try to commit suicide their rationalization is non existent -they are so depressed that they don't see a way out and most feel as though you would be better off without them. From what I am understanding she never tried this again so I am sure she got some help-and more than likely since you were so young she may not even realize that you remember-talk to her it could be healing for both of you.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:27 PM on Dec. 23, 2008

  • I really would like to talk to you privately about this...I have the same story, but my mom took pills in front of me at 15. I know how I healed and would love to help you work thru this or at least offer some suggestions. Email me anytime and I'll be happy to help. Just know you are not the only child who saw something like that...and it is completely ok to not want to forget, to want to work thru it.

    Answer by Bearsjen at 7:43 PM on Dec. 23, 2008

  • I agree with the therapy...I don't have the greatest relationship with my mother...because of the things that happened in my childhood...I blocked some things out, too and remember certain things from time to time that disturb me, too....I went to counseling, when I was younger, because of some of the traumatic things that happened...but it really didn't make me feel better because my mom told me what to say...but now that I'm older, and don't have my mother coaching me on what to say, I probably could see a therapist and feel a whole lot better...

    Answer by moore_me03 at 8:19 PM on Dec. 23, 2008

  • I agree with counselling also, but keep in mind that you may never get the reason you need. Forgiving her will probably be key, but you need to work through your feelings in order to that point. Good luck with it.

    Answer by rhope4 at 8:29 PM on Dec. 23, 2008

  • i think u should deifnitely talk to your parents. i been thru alot with my parents, and siblings for that matter, and if i never talked (and sometimes, more than others, screamed) through the situations with those involved, i would never be completely satisfied because i could never understand where the other person was coming from.the truth is sometimes ugly, and sometimes hurts, so be prepared, but don't let it go. maybe she needs to talk too and just never knew how,,,maybe this is a weight that needs to b lifted for your whole family.

    Answer by yomamaporter at 9:36 PM on Dec. 23, 2008

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