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My boyfriend treats me beautifully and we've been together for 2 and a half years

He tells me he loves me all the time, buys me wonderful gifts, has taken me on several vacations. I have a great relationship with his grown kids and his entire extended family. In fact his family met my family after Thanksgiving. We are both over 50 and he is recently divorced after his wife walked out on him for another man (shocking him and his whole family). He includes me in his plans for the future - however marriage is never mentioned. I know his ex's betrayal wounded him deeply. I'm very sensitive to the fact that he is still healing and I will not pressure him. Just wondering if any of you out there have any advice for me or experience in a similar situation. I love him very much and would love it if he wanted me to be his wife.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:41 PM on Dec. 23, 2008 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • Just take it one day at a time and enjoy what you have. Do you have to get married to be happy or are you good with what you have. He had a shocker, so it may take a good long while for him to heal and go on with his life. It will make you sick if you keep thinking about getting married and he hasn't healed yet and you keep wondering. Enjoy what has been given to you without thoughts to the future and just relax.
    Kat122

    Answer by Kat122 at 5:44 AM on Dec. 24, 2008

  • I'm glad that you don't feel the need to pressure him. It's sounds like he does love you and will work up to that step. It doesn't hurt for you to tell him how you feel pretty much what you have said in this post.
    momofpurebliss

    Answer by momofpurebliss at 11:46 PM on Dec. 23, 2008

  • There may be financial advantages to NOT getting married. I have some friends who have lived together since their 50s...they are both in their 80s now. They never got married because it would have had a negative impact on their retirement benefits and they couldn't afford it.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 1:44 AM on Dec. 24, 2008

  • I would just see what the future holds. My mom and dad were married for 30 years and then divorced. My mom has now been with my step-dad for 17 years. They are not married and have decided not to get married. There are 8 children between them. My mom figured she did it once and it did not work. They cannot have children and are happy the way their lives are. It sounds like you two have a great thing going. He is probably like my mom and is very skiddish about getting married again.
    Magpie75

    Answer by Magpie75 at 2:22 AM on Dec. 24, 2008

  • If he didn't take a year to reconnect with himself after she left, he was on the rebound when you met. You will have to decide if you are willing to keep it this way or you need a commitment. You deserve one if you are that involved with him. It is up to you to determine when and if you have had enough of filling the role of his woman without being his wife. Sounds like he has a good deal but you want more. Ask for it if you are ready to hear the answer. It would be ok to let him know how you feel and give him that time alone to think about you and figure out what he wants on his own. He will definitely come back for you and ask you to be his wife if that is what he wants after going it alone for awhile. It's a risk worth taking.
    happi-ladi

    Answer by happi-ladi at 7:13 AM on Dec. 24, 2008

  • Thanks for your answers. I do want to be his wife. It would benefit us greatly financially as well to be married even though we are older. He has to pay spousal support as his ex never worked. I have a decent income as does he. Sharing our resources would help replenish a little of what he lost in the divorce settlement.

    I am planning in the spring of having a conversation with him simply asking him how he sees us as a couple in the future. I do believe he wants to be married again and he does not want to be alone. It's so hard sometimes. He LOVES watching romantic comedies with me where the guy always proposes to the girl. Like "Love Actually" and "Mama Mia." I keep hoping I'm the girl in those movies.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:20 AM on Dec. 24, 2008

  • I'm in something similar...I've been with my current boyfriend, and he is the sweetest, kindest, most wonderful man I have ever met, and I feel blessed to be with him. We have been together for almost a year. He was married before and he has three kids...she just up and left him after 12 years...so I know he is really hurting still, even though it's been 2 years since she left him. Some people are so deeply wounded by this kind of betrayal that it takes them a long time to get over it - some never do. Mine has issues with trust, and I know it's because of what she did. I think what he just needs is time - and I'm not going anywhere. I feel that with time he will see that I am not like her and that we can have the kind of relationship most people only ever dream about.
    chavela_carlita

    Answer by chavela_carlita at 2:48 PM on Dec. 27, 2008

  • In addition, I would love to marry him one day. It might take a long time before he is ready for that kind of commitment again. He's probably thinking, if my wife of so many years walked out on me for someone else, who's to say this one will be any different? I know it's going to take some time before mine is ready to even think about marriage. I'm ready, if he asked me to marry him I would jump at the chance. I guess that all we can do is just be there for them and show them that we really love them, and that we aren't going anywhere. Honestly, I can't understand why she left him, how she could have thought she was going to find someone better. Please. Can anyone say STUPID??
    chavela_carlita

    Answer by chavela_carlita at 2:52 PM on Dec. 27, 2008