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Does my husband deserve sex every day?

My husband of 14 years can't go to sleep at night without having sex. He hid this from me for about the first half of our relationship, but now expects me to "service" him every night. He says I should be willing to do this, since he goes to a job he hates every day to support me and the kids. He used to feel bad about asking for it, but now he seems to think he is entitled! And if I'm not willing, he feels that I don't understand him or care enough about him. What do you guys think I should do with him. Don't suggest divorce; I've already decided that isn't the life I want for my children.


Asked by Anonymous at 11:36 AM on Dec. 24, 2008 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (22)
  • Look at being intimate once a night as being beneficial for you too. The good thing is that it's suppose to keep you looking younger much longer, helps calms stress & it definitely keeps you closer to the person your married to then if you were not being intimate. I would also suggest to him that if he would like you to be more involved that you would much rather him not make you feel guilty or bad if for some reason you don't want to participate. He has to understand that anyone forcing you to do ANYTHING by making you do something that you don't want to do by making you feel guilty is only a turn off & will only make him look less desirable. Best Wishes & Happy Holidays!


    Answer by onespecialmom at 11:54 AM on Dec. 24, 2008

  • Oh, by the way, he has Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, which causes sleep problems. So I know he isn't making up the inability to sleep. He is often exhausted because he hasn't been able to sleep, but being exhausted doesn't make him sleep. It is horrible.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:37 AM on Dec. 24, 2008

  • Could he find a job ge likes instead?

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:39 AM on Dec. 24, 2008

  • Get him a pocket pussy and some porn :). Tell him to service himself because being a mom is hard work too. IT's kind of rape if you are't willing but he talks you into it so you decide it's ok. tell him no and stand firm if you are tired and tell him to stop making you feel badly about it.

    Answer by Kelly_Ann at 11:40 AM on Dec. 24, 2008

  • "Could he find a job ge likes instead? "

    Not likely. He went to 4 years of college and 3 years of graduate school for this field. He has been in it for 10 years now and makes a rather good living. I don't think a career change is an option. Honestly, he just wants to ride his mountain bike and screw off. I don't think he would like any job.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:43 AM on Dec. 24, 2008

  • How about an ambien or two? Seriously. I know that this is what hes used to, but gosh, how hard that must be on you. My dh would like his life to be like that and we have been married almost the same amt of time as you. I think just explain to him that you do the best you can and compromise with him for 3-4 nights a week. Is it one of those things where you just lay there and service him or does he expect you to be involved? I have sleep problems too, but nothing that sex would cure...LOL...I wish. I beg to differ with him about him working so you owe aint like that at all. Making him see that might be another story though. Best wishes.

    Answer by momofsaee at 11:46 AM on Dec. 24, 2008

  • oh my God his education (mine y years of grad school) after 4 years college and his personality is just exactly like my dh. Tell him fast and hard now your body is not for sale the price being your soul!! Divorce is not what you want for your kids? But your kids seeing him whisper for sex rewards after a trip to the supermarket or after a mall trip is what you want your kids to see? Been there. If you stay in this relationship you will NEVER change him only yourself by losing your own selfesteem. If his demands and emotional blackmail have not been going on long then immediate counselling might help. But if you don't address it his next step is porn/affair. Love yourself first.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:49 AM on Dec. 24, 2008

  • ...continued from 11:49 AM 12/24 Anonymous...(mine was 7 years of grad school for two grad degrees) after 4... Love yourself your soul so you can take care of and teach respect to the kids you have. They are more important than sexual demands from someone who's only iift is in his pants.
    Get in to counselling so he hears even if he doesn't believe how wrong he is. He might very well not change but you will have had the backing of a counsellor telling him too besides yourself.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:54 AM on Dec. 24, 2008

  • i would try therapy!, it sound like HE doesn't care enough about YOU of hes going to lay a guilt trip like that on you
    sex should not be something you are REQUIRED to do, it is an expression of LOVE and INTAMANCY, not a JOB
    he needs a good bottle of lotion, a good magazine, some good sleeping pills, and a good therapist (marriage or sex, either might be able to help)
    good luck

    Answer by bi-polarmommy at 11:58 AM on Dec. 24, 2008

  • Your husband is a jerk, sorry honey. He doesn't seem to care about your feelings. I mean omg, how do you have the energy to go at it that much. But you're at 14 years....people stay married for 50 (if they live that long) could you seriously go through with this for that long?!This is like lay there and take it, what happened to the making love in your marriage. It's supposed to be special or at least enjoyable, not a chore.

    What if you two make a video and buy him some tube socks. Let him have his time alone each night and get a good night's sleep.


    Answer by lilmommy0416 at 11:59 AM on Dec. 24, 2008