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2 Bumps

Is my husband a bully?

I'll give one example.
This morning I didn't wake up with him. My son had made mess during the night, so hubby wakes me by standing over me and asking if I had seen the mess and what I was going to do about it.
I was groggy, crawled out of bed, started cleaning up the mess. Hubs keeps making snide remarks, so I turn to him and say 'I'm sorry I didn't hear you get up. Please don't wake me up like this, I didn't do anything wrong, and you're being an ass.
He storms out of the living room.
Storms back in and stares me down, points a finger at me and says 'Those cats better be gone today!"

I tell him all the time he's a bully for this kind of stuff. Like he has to have the last say, and be toughest guy in the fight.

It's annoying. But he gets upset if I tell him he's a bully. I used to just shut up when he gets like this, and let him have his say. But now I stand up to him and point out how ridiculous he's being.

Would you call this kind of behavior being a bully? I am worried that one day I will snap, get fed up with it. I try to view it with humor now, but some days his attitude is exhausting.

Answer Question
 
mas2124

Asked by mas2124 at 8:44 AM on Aug. 16, 2011 in Relationships

Level 15 (1,982 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • Don't know if he is a bully but he sounds like an asshole. I have little patience for people who act that way. I was with someone who was that way and ended up leaving him. If it were me I would have rolled over and told him he has two hands and could pick up the mess as well as I could.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:46 AM on Aug. 16, 2011

  • I agree, I don't think he is a bully, but he is a jerk. I wouldn't stand for it, he would have picked up the mess himself, if he thought it had to be picked up right now. Don't wake me up for something you could do yourself. I don't have patience for assholery.
    Bubbie0809

    Answer by Bubbie0809 at 8:56 AM on Aug. 16, 2011

  • Yep, mega asshole alert.
    emmyandlisa

    Answer by emmyandlisa at 9:02 AM on Aug. 16, 2011

  • He sounds really disrespectful and yes like a bully. If I see a mess I clean it up, if DH sees a mess he will clean it up. There is so much more to life we don't sweat the little things.
    gottalovemal

    Answer by gottalovemal at 9:04 AM on Aug. 16, 2011

  • He used to be worse. I went through a few years that I hated him, wanted to leave. But he was like this when I married him, and this year he has been making a concsience effort to check his temper.

    But it's been a long 10 years, and I'm always waiting for his other side to come out. It can't be healthy for me to worry all the time what will get under his skin.

    The other side of him is a sweetheart though. No physical or mental abuse, attentive to me and the kids, and I love him, we have fun together.

    Just one of those days where I wonder if all the good days are worth always wondering when he'll snap. Doesn't help that he is unmotivated and we are the 'working poor' class because he won't find a better job.

    ARG!! I hate these days.
    mas2124

    Comment by mas2124 (original poster) at 9:07 AM on Aug. 16, 2011

  • Sounds like my husband.... :( I feel for you. Yes he is being a bully and taking you for granted.
    hazeleyezmommy

    Answer by hazeleyezmommy at 9:11 AM on Aug. 16, 2011

  • He is a bully and its time for him to get anger management you are waiting for the other shoe to drop tell him its time all of this worry is not good for you take it in hand or you will worry for the rest of your marriage. My x was like this after a while I stood up for myself its time.
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 9:20 AM on Aug. 16, 2011

  • Yes, he's a bully & an ass. He sounds like my EX husband.
    3libras

    Answer by 3libras at 9:23 AM on Aug. 16, 2011

  • Is divorce really always the answer? A lot of days, I feel good that God placed me in his life, so that I can be a good example to him (I am extremely laid back). His family has often commented on a change they notice in him.

    I think he has an imbalance-his half sister has this same snap temper.

    He did call about 5 minutes ago, and I told him exactly how I felt, that he was being an ass this morning, and that I didn't need him to tell me what to do, I'm a full grown adult, and can think for myself. He apologized. But then, he always does.
    mas2124

    Comment by mas2124 (original poster) at 9:26 AM on Aug. 16, 2011

  • No, divorce isn't always the answer. But at the same time, is the answer you living like this, so stressed out and frustrated, for the rest of your life?

    Some change is good; it shows he's at least somewhat willing to try. But will he continue to try and to make progress? That's the real question. Does he admit to having a problem? Also the real question.

    If he acknowledges having a problem and is making some sincere, dedicated, clear effort toward changing, then by all means, stay and keep trying. But if he's acting like this, and acting like it's perfectly normal and acceptable and that you are the one with the problem, then it's time to really think about the pros and cons of staying and leaving.
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 11:11 AM on Aug. 16, 2011

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