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lost a baby

I lost a baby in august. He was my 4th child. He had to many problems and lived a hour and then died. He was born two months early. Even though it has been 4 months it is still hard. any advice from anyone who has lost a child. it is just getting harder

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rhonda719

Asked by rhonda719 at 9:43 PM on Dec. 25, 2008 in General Parenting

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Answers (6)
  • I'm so very sorry for your loss. It is one of the worst things a woman will ever go through. Just be gentle with yourself and realize there is no time frame for getting over something like this. You'll go through it at your own pace, the way that you need to. The truth is it will never get less painful, you just learn to live with the pain. I'm sorry if that sounds terrible, but it is the reality of it. I've had four losses and eight years later I still feel it the same way I did when they happened. They were my babies. Even if they never made it into this world, they were my babies. Your son will always hold a place in your heart, and that's okay.
    desert_diva

    Answer by desert_diva at 9:58 PM on Dec. 25, 2008

  • You are allowed to feel all of the things you are feeling about his passing. He was here. You love him and lost him. That is a terribly painful thing, and I am so beyond sorry that you have to go through it. No one should ever know such loss, unfortuantely we do. You may want to find a group in your area for parents that have known such a loss. The comfort that can come from knowing you aren't alone, that others are going through the same thing, can go a long way toward healing your pain.
    desert_diva

    Answer by desert_diva at 9:59 PM on Dec. 25, 2008

  • So sorry. Give yourself time. I had an early miscarriage myself and remember feeling like the world had ended. (Even though I already had one beautiful child) I didn't really 'get over" it until I was pregnant again. I am so sorry for you, I know it's much harder if you carried the child full term and he was born alive.
    whirlygirl

    Answer by whirlygirl at 10:45 PM on Dec. 25, 2008

  • My sincerest wishes for your healing. Know this: It is something many of us have gone through and not only survived but been strengthened by. If you are religious at all, you can count on your beliefs to guide and heal you. Family and friends are of the utmost importance to you now. And knowing, which helped me, that every cycle could easily be a missed pregnancy, makes the situation seem all this much more "natural". Look at your other beautiful children and know that your fourth lives in all of you and the memory of the new baby is with you and the love for the new baby is in your heart forever. The road to healing is long and it will take time. You will be okay. There are so many others who have been there and can offer some help and advice and hope.
    Shamanmom

    Answer by Shamanmom at 2:25 AM on Dec. 26, 2008

  • I had a loss 8 years ago, preterm labor at 6 months, my died as soon as he was born, lungs were not developed enough. There will be a hole in my heart forever. It's very hard and only time will make it easier to accept, you will never get over it. May you find comfort in knowing that all your baby ever knew was love.>>>that helped me a lot.
    BridgetC140

    Answer by BridgetC140 at 6:50 PM on Dec. 26, 2008

  • It's going to be hard. Losing a baby is never easy, you should cry and not feel bad about crying even for a second. Just take things a day at a time and do what you can. And do what you are doing now... talking about it... that will help!
    dtetz

    Answer by dtetz at 9:35 AM on Dec. 27, 2008

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