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3 Bumps

How can I deal with a "fake" mother in law ?

I was married before and i have 2 sons with my first husband... however he was abusive, i finally left and I lucked out because he signed away his rights and dissappeared from our lives...

My sons are now 4 and 5 and for the last few years I have been married to an amazing man, I also just gave birth to a daughter...and he has adopted my sons...

As soon as my husband came into our lives he has 100% stepped up to the daddy role, I couldnt even begin to imagine how he could treat them ( or me) better ... Most of his family is also the same way especially his dad and step mother they are wonderful grandparents...

But then there is my mother in law ... My husband warned me when we first got together that he had "one of those moms" .. and he wasnt kidding.

She will tell anyone who will listen how much she loves my boys, but she actually doesnt want anything to do with them, she even tried to talk my husband out of adopting them, then tried to talk him out of marrying me, tried to talk him into leaving me and then getting custody of my daughter so she could raise her the right way... etc.... and all of this time my husband and I havent even had any problems, I have never been a bad mom I have always put my kids above everything and yet this woman just assumes I am some stupid person who cant take care of my family.

Also the way she acts makes me very uncomfortable in leaving my kids alone with her... I have no problem with her visiting - i will even entertain her and kiss her butt while in her presence just to have peace... I invite her to dinner / to spend time with the kids atleast once a week and my husband takes the kids to her house about once a week also ( he stays there witht hem, because he also agrees with this ) .. but this doesnt work for her either... she wants just my daughter there alone for days at a time and it isnt going to happen... she calls me names in the texts she sends my husband and so now he is upset with her and doesnt want the kids around her, but yet she blames that on me...She tells everyone we are having marriage problems and are the edge of divorce when ( besides her problems) we are happier than ever...

She is just making me so upset that I cant take it ... My husband is supportive of me and tries to make me feel better but i cant get the things she has said and done out of my head...

8 months ago we found our perfect house and after we put in our offer she called our realtor to tell her to throw our offer away because we dont need to be buying a house ( she thinks her son will be more stuck with me if we have a mortage) ....

Heck, I even tried to be nice to her and let her be there when i had my daughter ... my doctor asked me if I still wanted my tubes tied and I said yes she started crying and begging her son to not let me saying " if you are so sure you are staying with her, dont let her get her tubes tied, you need more than one child " when he told her to be quiet and that we are happy with 3 so said back " no I mean real kids... you will want more than one real kid" ( meaning biological) ..... I mean I am not blind I am aware they are not biologically his, he never got to see them as little babies and our daughter will be his only biological child.... but that is HIS choice , not his moms !.... In fact I was playing with the thought of another baby after her, he talked me out of it because HE said 3 was perfect, plus this pregnancy had so many complications that i would be afraid to get pregnant again ... I mean I was in labor and this woman was trying to tell my husband to not let me "get fixed" ... So now I have seen on facebook where she is telling all of this to my husbands ex girlfriend and it just makes me beyond upset with her....

AND, one day my husband had enough and said " what is your problem with her, what exactly dont you like about her?" ... and she couldnt answer... I could tell she was thinking ( she looked up at her eyebrows lol ) .. and then she got mad and said " i dont have time for this !' .... So obviously it is all on HER ...

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:11 AM on Aug. 17, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • Kill her with kindness. Someone took her 'baby' and no one will ever be as good as her in her eyes. Be the bigger person and the better wife and mother. Ignore her insults, ask DH not to tell you if she just insults you the same old way and don't worry too much about her. You are doing the correct things by inviting her over, being a good host and being a loving and supporting wife to him as well as a good mother to your children. her opinion of you shouldn't matter, you aren't going anywhere so she just has to get over herself and used to you
    zoejains_momma

    Answer by zoejains_momma at 9:15 AM on Aug. 17, 2011

  • well it seems like everything you guys do together she wants you to do the opposite and you know...it seems like she is in your life WAY too much so you really should take it a few notches down so you dont have to spend ETERNITY with this woman by your side.

    Its almost like she has a Schizophrenia disorder, i really think she needs serious help. I'm currently writing a novel on how my sis inlaw thinks she's the perfect "mother" to my first son and also has a bi polar with the schizo mixed in it.

    BUT yes... your husband needs to defend you a lot more, it seems like she backs off when he raises his voice and concerns to her. Sometimes people like this, never listen to you cause they dont have any respect for you, they will listen to the person they do have respect for, which is your husband.
    americansugar80

    Answer by americansugar80 at 9:34 AM on Aug. 17, 2011

  • Honestly, I would stop trying to bend over backwards for her. She's an adult and until she can act like one she has no place in your life. I've been called heartless by my own MIL because after 12 years of trying to make her happy and constantly failing, I just quit caring what she thought. My life has been so much mroe peaceful since she stopped having such a large role in it.
    scout_mom

    Answer by scout_mom at 11:01 AM on Aug. 17, 2011

  • For your own sanity, distance every part you can, on FB ignore all of her comments so you don't have to see them, follow your gut and do not let her be alone with the kids. She sounds like a miserable biatch. You can't change her, that has to be her decision, but you can change how much of her defects you allow into your life. She is jealous. She needs to let go and allow you two to have your own life and until she is capable ( if every) in the mean time you need to play this different and do what you can to minimize anything from her.... I am sorry you have such a controling, manipulative and miserable person for a mother-in-law. Rise above it and enjoy your life. It will irritate her even more, but we only have one life. Do not give her the power..
    LeJane

    Answer by LeJane at 11:08 AM on Aug. 17, 2011

  • I would just leave her alone . keep her as far out of your life and your kids life as you can. There is no need for her to be a part of your life when all she is doing is causing trouble. I know that sounds harse but y put yourself and your marraige thru that.. Good luck and i hope everything works out for you..
    jostock

    Answer by jostock at 11:30 AM on Aug. 17, 2011

  • Distance yourself from that psycho!
    1smartcookie

    Answer by 1smartcookie at 1:25 PM on Aug. 17, 2011

  • Grow Your Own Mother In Law


    You get one of these!

    tasches

    Answer by tasches at 1:37 PM on Aug. 17, 2011

  • well at least your husband stuck up for you. i would not be letting this woman near my kids (all of them) at all anymore. if she can't respect you then she can't be welcomed into your home anymore.
    lucky35

    Answer by lucky35 at 2:21 PM on Aug. 17, 2011

  • I tried to be the bigger person with my own mother and realized the more I do, the more she wants. If I didn't do, the more she would complain. I got to the point that I was not going to overextend and stress myself out. I stood up for myself and told her that she needs to stop being so narrow minded and selfish. I also added that she is going to be lonely, sad, and a miserable person if she doesn't change. I rarely talk to my mother and I feel less stress and much happier. Don't be afraid to stand up for yourself. Be strong for you and your family. It is absolutely not okay for her to treat you and your boys that way. If she can't respect and accept all of the children, then hasta la vista, baby!
    littleangie

    Answer by littleangie at 2:51 PM on Aug. 18, 2011

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