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to those that have been cheated on..how do you get over it

i found out last month my husband has a girlfriend named diana the he told he was single and didnt have a daughter and it hurts so bad i cant belive he would sink so low to not only do that to me but his baby girl..neways a week or so after i found out i looked at his myspace and saw that him and this skank are telling eachother they love eachother and talking about sexual things their gonna do to eachother and it was like my heart got ripped out and i try not to think about it but it drives me crazy knowing my husband is not only having sex with another girl but saying he loves her im so upset and depressed and of course im going to get a divorce as soon as i find out how (we got married in texas and im staying with me dad in arizona) but how do i deal with this its too much to handle but i have to please help

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akashaismyworld

Asked by akashaismyworld at 5:42 AM on Dec. 26, 2008 in Relationships

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Answers (11)
  • ohh geez sweetie, we have all been or going thru what your doing right now. Im so sorry. it doesnt help make the hurt go away thats for sure...only time can do that & unfortunately thats the only time that "time" moves slowly. Its like child birth...you just have to bear it. It will end, but not happily unfortunately. make him move out, but be careful, divorce gets real sticky. Since you have the baby, you cant go out, or do anything to help you feel better or move on or the judge will see you as unfit. (I know right! there are custody groups here that you should visit & get advice before you jump into this mess to quickly.) you could try counseling, start by yourself first. you gotta be strong first! Then deal with his problems...P.S. its ok to cry! cry hard, then square yourself for the battle of a life time...because it wont stop til your baby turns 18, maybe longer...SERIOUSLY!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:10 AM on Dec. 26, 2008

  • Well, I have a question. I read your profile and it says ex husband on it. Is it an x or a now husband? Theres a difference on how to answer this. If he is your x,theres nothing anyone can do, or if you are legally seperated, theres nothing anyone can do. But, if he is your husband,then keep those pictures from myspace and what it says. Copy and patse it to your email for safe keeping. If you are worried about custody, usually thats not a problem with children staying with Mom. As for you, get your life together and quit worrying about the weenie, he is not worth it.There are a lot better men out there. You don't need a loser and its perfectly ok to be a single mom. You need to get your life together and do the best you can with your daughter. Make her happy. Not all men are like that, I promise you that. Stop worrying about what he is doing, ok, it might make you flip out.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:29 AM on Dec. 26, 2008

  • The best advice I can give, is to distance yourself from him. Its not easy bc u love him, u have a history plus a family. But hun, that didn't matter when he cheated. Even if u were to forgive him and put this in the pass, you would still be nudged with that doubt. When I was cheated on I didn't look at it as, once a cheater always a cheater, I looked at it as, he didn't care one bit about how much it would hurt me. When u vow I do, u let go of the childish actions and u make a commitment to one person. I don't think you should just deal with it, I think u should determine if this was a 1 time thing or a red flag to end it. Sometimes its in our path that a relationship must end.
    mrsfarris

    Answer by mrsfarris at 7:37 AM on Dec. 26, 2008

  • oh no hes cheated before and then he comes back but hes never gone this far before saying i love you to another girl or saying he dosent have a daughter i cant forgive him this time he will always do it me and my daughter mean nothing to him and to answer the other question he is my leagal husabnd i just found this out last month and i have been too busy with my daughter and trying to get my life together to start the divorce thing and he too busy partying getting drunk and having sex with his girlfriend but it moved up on my prioitys after i found out i cant get help untill im divorced
    akashaismyworld

    Answer by akashaismyworld at 7:43 AM on Dec. 26, 2008

  • First off stop looking at his page. I know its hard and you are curious and plus being married youre used to being in his life and knowing whats happening. I think thats the hardest part. My ex did basically the same thing u did, except the ho hes with knew I was pregnant with his baby and he had other kids with me. She was a skank.
    Honestly it just takes time but eventually you wont care and you have to know that if he cheated on you he will cheat on her or vice versa. Karma is a royal pain and itll come back around on him. You might not be there to see it but it will. In the end hes losing out on more then you ever will because you have your baby there to see smile, laugh, all the firsts etc. Whats he have? Some internet ho?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:03 AM on Dec. 26, 2008

  • I'm not sure how to tell you how to get over this. There's no quick fix. It hurts when someone cheats and lies to us, and hurts when it feels like we're being replaced but hurts us worse when they hurt our children. If he's telling her he doesn't have a daughter... then where do you really think it's going with her? She'd have to find out eventually that he does wouldn't she? And when she finds out he's been lying about having a child, how do you think she will react? If he's lying to her about a child, is he lying about you too? Count your blessings he's gone. You can't undo him cheating but you can undo the hold he has on your heart. He doesn't deserve you.
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 8:30 AM on Dec. 26, 2008

  • I'm so sorry sweetie, first off you have to know this is about him and not you. (((hugs))) he's a lowlife for doing this.
    PeytonNBella

    Answer by PeytonNBella at 9:49 AM on Dec. 26, 2008

  • I'm glad you're divorcing him, especially since he's cheated on you before. I would defintely print out anything that proves his infidelity with this other woman. And sell all his stuff to pay for a really good lawyer for you. Do or get whatever it takes to make you look like the best parent (which you are) for your daughter, so you can get full custody. After you get through all of this, you're better off thinking that SOB is dead because that's what he should have been the first time he cheated on you.
    Please,
    When he gets the divorce papers in the mail and realize he wants you back.....tell him to shove it.

    Good luck!! Be strong!!
    lilmommy0416

    Answer by lilmommy0416 at 12:05 PM on Dec. 26, 2008

  • All I can add is what several counselors told me and I am seeing it come true--if a person cheated with you--he/she will cheat against you. His day is coming that he will know the pain your are feelings and most likely with the bimbo. Other than that--one other piece of wisdom from the best the best counselor I have ever seen----"Don't tell me what your are going to do SHOW me what you have done......" Your husband has shown you what he is capable of and he hasn't shown you much. My heart breaks for you because I know the pain........ Do what you have to do to make the best life for yourself and child. Work in you until you are happy being with just yourself--then you will be ready to be part of a couple again--DON"T push that area---heal first.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:27 PM on Dec. 26, 2008

  • I'll be honest...my husband cheated on me and got the other woman pregnant. He made her have an abortion b/c he says that he love me. I still haven't gotten over it and he said he only had sex with her one time (some night that he was drunk) and it was accident. Your man seems to have a relationship with this woman. I don't know if you can get over it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:33 PM on Dec. 26, 2008

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