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New. dont really know how this works...but i need some support..help?

I'm 19 and unexpectedly pregnant by an amazing wonderful guy who i like to call the love of my life. we were together for 2 and a half years then broke up, then started talking about 8 months later (about 3or 4 months ago).  he is 25 and so ready to have a baby while I'm scared to death. one day he finally told me he loved me and he was ready to settle down, he wanted to be with his baby and the mother of his baby then somehow we got into an argument and mean things were said on both sides. so i took some space for a week then called him to see how he was to find out he already had another girlfriend. im so heart broken and angry. i need him now more then ever, he was my best friend and we could talk about anything, my lover and the one i thought i wanted to spend the rest of my life with. how could he do this to me?!?! i know he loves me i dont doubt that but he claims he doesnt want to be with me now. im so depressed and stressed and hurt sometimes i wake up from a dead sleep crying. i dont know what to do with all these emotions. i feel betrayed and unwanted and used but i love him so much. i cry for him everyday. now i cant call him and i only get to see him for an hour every week but not allowed to call or text in between because of his new girlfriend. how can she be with him knowing im holding his baby? i need someone to talk to someone who might understand what im feeling right now cuz since hes gone...i got no one to talk to.

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brianna4409

Asked by brianna4409 at 12:10 AM on Aug. 18, 2011 in Relationships

Level 1 (2 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • Part of this may be your hormone going haywire. You need to find someone you can truly rely on to be your emotional & physical rock, & this guy seems to love you when it's convenient for his own personal emotional gain, but not all the time. It may seem totally hopeless now, but the best thing for you would be to give him an ultimatum: Choose to be in this baby's life with me or not at all. I'm afraid if you keep this back & forth with him it will hurt not only you, but your baby whenever they come into the world.
    EdwinsMommy

    Answer by EdwinsMommy at 12:16 AM on Aug. 18, 2011

  • I'm so sorry you're going through it right now. Truth? If he could already be with someone in as little as a week, I'm sorry but he wasn't committed to you. He might be committed to the idea of having a baby and even a baby mama - he's just not ready to BE with the baby mama. That's a hard truth for you to have to deal with now on top of all the other emotions you must be feeling. Now, it's time for you to buckle down, get yourself together and get ready for baby. You have other responsibilities and priorities now. Let yourself grieve the loss of your relationship, but don't wallow in it because that affects baby. Start having the conversation with baby's father about important things such as child support, how much he wants to be involved in baby's life. Reach out to a pastor, trusted family member or friend, or a support group because you will need support and assistance and advice. Boyfriend has moved on (cont'd
    pocmom

    Answer by pocmom at 12:21 AM on Aug. 18, 2011

  • and it's time for you to move on too. Start defining what you want for your baby's life and begin working towards it. Big, big hugs to you.
    pocmom

    Answer by pocmom at 12:22 AM on Aug. 18, 2011

  • that's what i am scared of too. and i already tried the its the baby or her thing and he went out and got a lawyer and refuses to leave this girl even though he sees how much i'm hurting. he fully understands that it not only effects me but my crazy emotions right now are effecting our baby. he thinks i'm the one who's wrong for crying all the time and doesn't believe me when i tell him he drives me crazy. thinking about him and another girl is eating me up inside and crying all the time is taking away from my physical and emotional strength. i feel like i need to go away for a little while to cleat my head so i can come back and think straight but my dad doesn't believe that will help me. will it? just me and my girlfriend. would that help?
    brianna4409

    Comment by brianna4409 (original poster) at 12:23 AM on Aug. 18, 2011

  • well he does not truly love you if he filled your spot so quickly. I am so sorry for your pain that has to be so hard and you are kinda young and that lonely feeling is hard to take. Concentrate on yourself and your baby:)
    serenityspeaks

    Answer by serenityspeaks at 12:29 AM on Aug. 18, 2011

  • Take some time to yourself with your friend, it's a huge undertaking. I got pregnant at 19 also (20 now, son is 6 months) so I get how it's not only about this relationship, but the taboo of age. Best pregnancy advice is be good to yourself, because your feelings & stress affect your baby as well. You deserve better.
    EdwinsMommy

    Answer by EdwinsMommy at 12:36 AM on Aug. 18, 2011

  • Brianna4409 - listen to your dad. What exactly would you be getting away from? BF has moved on. As harsh as it sounds, stop. thinking. about. him. You are about to be a mom - stop with the ultimatums - he has already made his choice. And you need to stop torturing yourself thinking about him and his girl. Concentrate on what YOU and baby need now. Think in these terms: He had a good thing and he lost it (you). If he doesn't want to participate in baby's life - he will have chosen to lose out on what could possibly be the best relationship he has ever had (and the opportunity to grow up a bit). You have some responsibility here too - and it's a good life lesson for you - just because you argue doesn't mean that you "need some space." It means you argue, and you work it out, all while being committed to the relationship. Be clear about what the relationship means to you and what "space" means (cont'd again, sorry
    pocmom

    Answer by pocmom at 12:38 AM on Aug. 18, 2011

  • sugar, he's not an amazing man or the love of your life.
    MsSelfDestruct

    Answer by MsSelfDestruct at 12:39 AM on Aug. 18, 2011

  • Stop running away; refocus and set your priorities. We are in charge of our feelings, behavior, and emotions. I'm not saying that you shouldn't feel sad - I am saying you shouldn't let yourself stay there and torture yourself thinking about him. What good has it done so far? He's apparently happy and you continue to feel like crap. Choose to stop thinking of him; choose to think about what your baby needs now. Please take best of care
    pocmom

    Answer by pocmom at 12:42 AM on Aug. 18, 2011

  • Honey, he means loads more to you than you do or ever will to him. All you were to him was a warm body to have sex with. That's all he wants... a place to plant his penis. That's it. And this new girl is exactly the same as far as he's concerned.

    Value yourself a bit more than that. Consider: He used you like a piece of toilet paper. With just as much consideration for you.

    No more tears... time to get MAD. Get your legal ducks in a row. He needs to learn a pricey lesson about his habits... as in child support.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 12:58 AM on Aug. 18, 2011

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