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How do I get my mil and fil to have anything to do with my kids?

The problem I have is my mil use to insist on taking my oldest daughter age 10 all the time then her daughter had a son who is age 6 and I had a daughter 3 weeks later who is also age 6 since her grandson was born she has stopped seeing my kids maybe 3 times a year now she will see them and my oldest daughter is asking question why her cousin gets to spend time with his meme and she doesn't anymore? Another thing she pays for him to got to privite school and play sports. Why is it ok for my kids to go to public school but not ok for him? I don't really care because I like the public schools my daughter's are in. My husband and I tried talking to her but she threw us out of her house 2 years ago but has talked to us since then. I was thinking of just having my daughter talk to her about how she feels and see if that work. Any advice will help

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my2angelgirls10

Asked by my2angelgirls10 at 11:34 AM on Dec. 26, 2008 in Relationships

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Answers (6)
  • I don't think that your daughter should have the talk that you have in mind- too emotional. Your mil threw you out of her house when you tried bringing up the subject? It is sad for your daughter for her grandmother to show such a strong preference. You should assure her it is nothing that she did. Invite your MIL over a lot so that she can get to know your children better, she may have forgotten good times with your child. Don't discuss the matter with your daughter, though. If she asks explain that grandmother feels that her other grandchild needs the help right now- or something that won't look badly for any of the people involved. Sometimes people don't treat other people fairly. It hurts, but that's the way it is. We can't force people to do as we think they should.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 11:44 AM on Dec. 26, 2008

  • I see that I mis-read something in your question. You must have been living with your MIL and she kicked you out two years ago? She may feel that your living with her made up any difference in financial treatment now. She may feel that your daughter may have been told mean things about her, even though this is likely untrue, because of this episode. So this may be the problem. As I said above, get together with her in your home or out for a girls' day out with her and you and your daughter and let them bond by spending more time together.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 11:49 AM on Dec. 26, 2008

  • I understand your problem. My husband has two brothers. Brother one has a 8 year old daughter who my MIL has custody of (long story). Then brother two has a 2 year old daugher who is exactly 4 months older than my daughter. Well my MIL and FIL live 90 minutes away and so therefore we have to drive a long distance to see them. My husband and I feel like she does more for the granddaughter that lives with her then the two who don't. We understand that they will do a little more for this granddaughter since she lives with them, but also feel like the other two are kind of shafted. MIL only comes down once a month or so and half the time doesn't call to see if she can come see the girl/s. We live in a small town so hubby and Brother 2 live only 5 minutes apart. We have to drive down there most of the time in order for our daughter to get time with grandma and papa. I hate it.
    madisansmommy

    Answer by madisansmommy at 11:55 AM on Dec. 26, 2008

  • just explain that you dont know whats going on right now but maybe later on she ll come around.
    karma is a b.
    its really messed up that your mil is a witch! those are her grandchildren. when we were on good terms my mil would spoil her other son's kids and barely helped out. not that i asked for anything my own parents are there for our son way more!
    momavanessa

    Answer by momavanessa at 12:09 PM on Dec. 26, 2008

  • Girl, I really think it's a situation you can't control. Some people, unfortunately, favor their own over steps. I would just get your daughter involved in something else to where she doesn't notice or isn't exposed to the "unfairness" of the situation. I agree, it sucks, but you can't make her want to spend more time with your children. I, however, wouldn't expose my children to those types of people.
    pupmom

    Answer by pupmom at 12:11 PM on Dec. 26, 2008

  • We were not living with her we went over for a visit and it was brought up and she just flew off the handle and threw us out. I have tried to explain to my daughter different things she doesn't want to hear it she jusdt thinks her grandmother doesn't love her anymore
    my2angelgirls10

    Answer by my2angelgirls10 at 2:11 PM on Dec. 26, 2008

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