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How should I deal with my mother?

She's never been particularly supportive or anything but we've never had the worst relationship I've heard of, but yesterday she came to visit me. And when she walked out the room she snorted and said: "like you'll be able to look after 3 when they come along, I'm not going to help you". She said it as if it was my fault I'd gotten pregnant with 3, and it's not like this was unplanned or anything. How do I deal with her? I'm really angry and it really made me doubt myself, I mean maybe I won't be able to do this. :|

 
tripletmomtobe

Asked by tripletmomtobe at 4:08 PM on Dec. 26, 2008 in Relationships

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Answers (11)
  • Mothers can be such a joy cant they? When I got pregnant with my first I had been married for a year, granted I was young, but she said "You know you cant be a good mother you need to give the baby up for adoption" WTF... I have basically told her after she has proven to be rude about this second baby thats coming, that she can either choose to be supportive or not be a part of my life. I told her I dont expect her to take care of my children, I just want her to be there and be their grandmother, but if she cant be a positive force in our lives she will be shut out. Sometimes you just have to take a stand to them and let them know that you understand they cant deal with life FOR you and you dont expect them too, but you need their support and love and if they cant do that they cant be in your life! Good luck!
    SweetPea05

    Answer by SweetPea05 at 4:12 PM on Dec. 26, 2008

  • Don't worry about what she says, just concentrate on YOURSELF and your children who are depending on you. Its not impossible to take care of 3 children.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:12 PM on Dec. 26, 2008

  • You don't need her help. Becoming a mother is like getting super powers. You learn how to make something out of nothing, you multi task like no one's business and when you feel you are at your weakest point your childrens' smiles are the only things you need to rejuvenate yourself. Let her be negative because at this point nothing you say will make a whole lot of difference. The best revenge is success.

    micrespo

    Answer by micrespo at 4:15 PM on Dec. 26, 2008

  • If she doesn't help, then she doesn't get typical grandma rights. They think that they will though...when the babies are here, and they fall in love with them and want to do cute grandma stuff with them. Hell no! If grandma shows up and wants lovins from the chiddens, she gets: to bring a box of diapers (not to mention diaper duty), do a load of dishes, feed the babies while momma's in the shower. Fair for fair! If not, well momma will just have to use her "no", I mean her "NO!" You are going to be a great mom to these babies. No one can ever make you believe different, except yourself. Make sure your support group does not include mom.
    Ophy

    Answer by Ophy at 4:18 PM on Dec. 26, 2008

  • Make a plan that doesn't include her "helping you" unless she wants to and build a support system for help. I had to do it too. My father got ill and my mom had to take care of him 24/7 right when I had my second child. I never used daycare or babysitters before. But I made it work- though financilaly tight- and I found a select few to help me with my children if I need it. Now, my mom asks for the kids anyways without me "needing" her help. Its good because it lifts my parents' spirits!
    Dicea

    Answer by Dicea at 4:19 PM on Dec. 26, 2008

  • My mom and me dont have the best relationship either but you know youre an adult and shes just another woman and thats how you should look at it. What if i came to you and said the same she did? No big deal right? Dont rely on her and next time she says it say "Whose asked for your help?"
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 4:22 PM on Dec. 26, 2008

  • you can do anything you put your mind to, as far as your mom just let her know that hurt your feelings and you need her encouragement during a time like this because its very emotional for you right now....keep your head up!! :)
    zaniyasmommie

    Answer by zaniyasmommie at 4:23 PM on Dec. 26, 2008

  • I have a mother who is mean and hurtful. Sure, she can be the life of the party and materially generous but it's come to the point that I do not want to be around her. Your mother was unkind to say what she did. She is also untruthful - a liar. There is no reason on earth that you won't be able to be a competent, loving mother to three children you want. Do not believe her for a moment. There is no encouragment there. Refuse it. Do not allow yourself to feel discouraged by her criticism. Find lots of way to be encouraged and to hear about the good mom you are. How you do that is up to you. JMO.
    happi-ladi

    Answer by happi-ladi at 4:24 PM on Dec. 26, 2008

  • It sounds as though some "friend" of hers has been talking about how grandchildren mean that the grandmas are dragged in to babysitting all the time. Even so it wasn't very nice of her to put it like that. Sometimes we just have to accept family members for what they are and realize that they aren't going to be as we would like them to be. So even though her attitude and words are hurtful, shrug to yourself and enjoy your life.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 4:38 PM on Dec. 26, 2008

  • You CAN do this. A mother does what is necessary to do it bc she HAS to do it. What other recourse does she have? If you did well with two what's to make her think you can't deal with 3? Old moms don't know everything (like we sometimes think we do). You just believe in yourself. We believe in you. So until you can believe in yourself just hang on to that.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 6:21 PM on Dec. 26, 2008

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