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would you be mad?

my husband and i both quit smoking when i got pregnant,and our dd is now almost 10 weeks.

about a month or so ago my dh starting chewing gum ALL the time.he'd have a pack in his pocket and in the car. i asked him if she was smoking again and trying to hide the smell and he said no. well today he brought me some food from his work and when i kissed him i smelled smoke. i asked him bout it and he said he hasnt been smoking. i could tell he was lying and asked again and he finally said yes he had. i got mad because hes been lying to me and he went back to work. i called him and asked how lonng he's been lying about it,he said only a week or so(which i dont believe) and acted mad at me about it! i told him i couldnt belive he would lie to me about that and he hung up on me!

do i have a right to be mad? i mean hes been lying to me. and coming home and holding our dd,why should she have to smell that?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:56 PM on Dec. 26, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (14)
  • tell him to brush his teeth before he wants to hold the baby. other than that, its his health and you have been a smoker too. you know you wont quit just because someone tells you too.

    but he needs to understand that he will has to do something about the smell if he is around the baby
    m.robertson811

    Answer by m.robertson811 at 5:58 PM on Dec. 26, 2008

  • You know as well as anyone that quitting smoking is one of the hardest things you'll ever have to do. So many people relapse...the success rate is really very low. I don't think it is right that he was lying to you but he is probably ashamed of himself and probably doesn't want to be a temptation to you. I say make your point clear that you do not want to be lied to in future and then try to be as supportive as possible in helping him quit again.

    Good Luck!
    ANGIE409

    Answer by ANGIE409 at 6:00 PM on Dec. 26, 2008

  • You've quit too, so you know how hard it is. My dad pulled the "hiding it" routine for a long time too...it took another triple bypass to get him off it.

    I wouldn't be mad. I'd ask what I could do to help him stay off the cigarettes. Being mad accomplishes nothing.

    He lied because he was afraid of your reaction...and you're currently living up to what he feared. Think about it.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 6:00 PM on Dec. 26, 2008

  • I think that you should be upset with him for lying. When we brought our DS home from the hospital, after having been in the N.I.C.U. for 35 days, the nurse said that if one of us smoked we should even go so far as to change our shirts afterward because inhaling smoke has been linked as a contributing factor to SIDS. If he continues to smoke that is his own decision but he should be responsible enough to shower/change before interacting with your daughter. BTW congrats to you on quitting smoking:)
    micrespo

    Answer by micrespo at 6:01 PM on Dec. 26, 2008

  • I would be upset about it too. For the simple fact that he quit and restarted. Be proud that you have not gone back. Tell him you wish he wouldn't either, but you cannot nag him about it. I know you don't want the baby around that, and that is fine.. tell him he cannot smoke anywhere near the baby.
    pupmom

    Answer by pupmom at 6:01 PM on Dec. 26, 2008

  • I would be mad about his lying.

    Tell him that my father in law quit cold turkey....after he found out he had cancer.....now its too late....I feel bad that it took cancer to make him stop. If he had stopped when he was young maybe he wouldnt have gotten cancer at all... ;(
    mom2twobabes

    Answer by mom2twobabes at 6:09 PM on Dec. 26, 2008

  • you have the right to be mad, he DID lie to you
    however, whats more important here, being mad at him for lying, or finding a way to help him quit again? its easy to be mad and judgemental, it is extreamly difficult to be loving and understanding, which do you think is going to help your marriage and your husband, though?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:28 PM on Dec. 26, 2008

  • honestly most of what you hear about the "smell" of smoke of clothing is not going to hurt your DD. I know he lied to you and you have a right to be mad about that, but trying to quit is not as easy to some people. try to be more supportive of his habit instead of getting mad. He won't have reason to lie to you then, and you can help him quit again.
    xxhazeldovexx

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 6:34 PM on Dec. 26, 2008

  • I would be more upset about him outright lying about it than him doing it although I don't think it is healthy. My SO doesn't smoke, but if he started, I don't think he would lie to me about it.
    kabbot01

    Answer by kabbot01 at 7:46 PM on Dec. 26, 2008

  • really personally your husbands life is his life if hes going to do something he wants to do hes going to do it. i understand your mad at him because he lied to you but he was prolly trying to keep you away from it so you wouldnt start back up. dont fight about something like smoking a cig.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:09 PM on Dec. 26, 2008

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