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Can a man change his ways

well we all know im divorced now, and i have to tell you ladies it is a bittersweet feeling. I feel great knowing that i dont have to worry about him cheating on me anymore, and that he wont be free to abuse me whenever he wants, but then there is that part of me that keeps praying that he will change one day.... I still love him so darn much. I wanna move on, but the truth is the idea of another man touching me the way he did makes me ill..... I dont know how to move on without him. Im not a weak woman, yet i feel like I lost a part of my very own being.

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Asked by mrslcooper at 11:28 AM on Dec. 27, 2008 in Relationships

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Answers (8)
  • I can understand that. You didn't divorce him because you didn't love him, you divorced him because he didn't love or respect you enough to stay true. For your sake I hope he does change, and that he wants to come back and can be all that you want and need if that's what you want but if that's what you were hoping for, maybe you should've tried councelling, seperation or something to give him the chance to be what you need? But even if that's not what you want, then it still makes sense to not feel right about someone else touching you the way your husband did. It will take some time to come to terms with being single again.

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 11:38 AM on Dec. 27, 2008

  • If he didn't change during your time with him or during the divorce, then it is very unlikely that he'll change. Don't worry about not being ready to have a relationship with someone else. You have a big wound to heal over right now. Get on with your life. When you feel you are able to, join some groups- social, or service, or volunteer- to help redefine yourself as a worthy and smart and confident person. You are a good and a strong person. You can do it!

    Answer by Bmat at 11:44 AM on Dec. 27, 2008

  • Time is the key to your success here. Give yourself plenty of time to heal. Try and talk to yourself with comfort. Forget statements like "I don't know how to move on" and tell yourself things like, "I will heal from this. I will learn to love again and learn to love someone who will treat me with respect." Be patient. Remind yourself you deserve to be treated well. Start to treat yourself well. Do kind things for yourself. Surround yourself with people who are good for you and "hold you up." Slowly move yourself into a place of support and strength. Good luck! You can do it!

    Answer by MariaSimplyPut at 11:50 AM on Dec. 27, 2008

  • Just give yourself time to adjust to your new life. I divorced my first husband because he was into drugs and cheating. I loved him for so long and it took me 11 yrs. to do it again, but I found a good one this time. When a guy use to tell me he loved me, he had to go because love hurts too much. I didn't want to feel the pain again, but new hubby broke through the barriers I put up and now life is good again.

    Answer by dyches02 at 11:57 AM on Dec. 27, 2008

  • I think that with time, your feelings for him will change and you see that perhaps he was not the man for you.

    Answer by prettylob1 at 12:44 PM on Dec. 27, 2008

  • Meh, I remember being there with my ex. Being 'in love' with what he COULD be but not what he really WAS. As other ladies have said - give yourself time. Make a journal of everything he did to you. Distance from it can make you forget some of that hurt. Make yourself remember he wasn't potential for a great guy - he was an ass that abused and mistreated you. Get counseling if you need it. Find your closure. Good luck Momma.

    Answer by Serafyna at 12:53 PM on Dec. 27, 2008

  • I'm w/a man right now that I am"in love w/who he could be, not who he is" and I say too bd for him. I'm a great catch and he is losing me. Same for u, give it time and u will see that he didn't deserve u.

    Answer by Bearsjen at 1:01 PM on Dec. 27, 2008

  • Most men I believe are not capable of changing all that much.they lack the commitment factor and are so closed up.I understand you miss the happier times but are unsure of your future.That is totally understandable but I wouldn' t wait around to be his doormat.If he had really wanted to change he would have done in within the marriage.The relationship was not healthy anymore from when you mention abuse of any kind.I agree with Serafyna she is right on the mark,You are in love with a memory not the real person.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:02 PM on Dec. 27, 2008

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