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What kind of discipline is ok for a step-mom to do?

I am soon going to marry a man that already has 4 children. I am not sure at all what kind of discipline is ok. They still have a mother that they live with most of the time. We get the kids every other weekend. I'm just completely new to all of this and have no idea how much discipline I should do and what I need to leave for him to do.

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Asked by soontobemom436 at 1:29 PM on Dec. 27, 2008 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

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Answers (12)
  • I would say its ok to verbally correct them and use time out, but the main discipline should be done by their father to avoid any issues.

    Answer by gemgem at 1:30 PM on Dec. 27, 2008

  • Do you have children of your own? I think you need to discipline them exactly the same way you do or would discipline your own.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:36 PM on Dec. 27, 2008

  • I would sit down with them and their father and discuss household rules and consequences now, that way nobody can say I didn't know. Also discuss with daddy now who does what and when that way the kids know your all on the same page.

    Good luck

    Answer by dle4125 at 1:36 PM on Dec. 27, 2008

  • I agree with the PP. In step parent situations it goes much better when the parent is the main disciplinarian. Some men get married and expect the new wife to be in charge of the kids. This causes resentment all the way around.


    Answer by MAUREEN55 at 1:37 PM on Dec. 27, 2008

  • You DO NOT want to end up with children in your home who think that they only have to obey their father and not you too!

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:37 PM on Dec. 27, 2008

  • I think that depending on their age there are measures that can be done. I would advise that you and your future husband have a discussion as to how he and their mother deal with issues and if you have a relationship with her, ask her advise as well. My daughter's father has been with his girlfriend for 5 years (my daughter is 6). When I finally came to realize that their relationship was not a fling, I had to accept that she would also be raising my daughter. His girlfriend has made some comments in the past to my daughter that I felt were not appropriate, so I called her and spoke with her. Keep the line of communication open and with a litttle hope she will see that her children are respectful to you.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:11 PM on Dec. 27, 2008

  • time out is good or standing in the corner

    Answer by wilson06 at 2:17 PM on Dec. 27, 2008

  • i treat my step daughter like i do my boys

    Answer by lonelymommyof2 at 2:29 PM on Dec. 27, 2008

  • My husband treats my daughter the same as the two we have together. He's spanked her a few times. But he's also been the only consistent father figure she's had. And we've been married since she was a baby. Her (now ex) step mother would talk to her but that was about it. My daughter and her step mom adore each other, which helps. DD is generally on her best behavior when she's at her step mom's. If there was a question she wouldn't hesitate to call. And she made sure to ask ahead of time what our rules for dd were and tried to keep things the same at her house as much as possible.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:56 PM on Dec. 27, 2008

  • Sit down with you soon to be husband and his ex and discuss your role in the childrens lives. They will decide what is appropriate for you to do. The rules should be the same for both homes so the kids are not confused and stressed out by not having consistancy. The kids should be expected to respect you and listen to you at the very least. If you fiance and his ex don't get along then your fiance needs to set the ground rules at home.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:32 PM on Dec. 27, 2008

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