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Can 3 girls really be great friends and why isn't this working?

This may seem really childish but I have to ask real women with real lives :). I have had a wonderful best friend for a number of years. We are both married with children and work together. A couple of years ago, another girl was hired and the relationship has changed. I have tried really hard to be friends with both etc. but what I really miss is my best friend and the way things used to be. I am just not a "lots of friends" kind of girl. I do make the effort to call and try to get together for lunches, dinners etc. but it doesn't seem to be working as the other friend gets invited....not by me. Being a working mom, wife, caregiver to two aging moms, I really need a friend and love her dearly.....maybe too much. How can I stop obsessing over this and move on? I feel like I'm in high school again but my youngest is in high school!!!!!! Thanks...

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Asked by Anonymous at 5:27 PM on Dec. 27, 2008 in General Parenting

Answers (5)
  • :) I am still obsessing over my past. Maybe that is just part of who you are, kwim? We all have something to learn from any experience we go through. It sounds like you have a lot going on... My best advice would be to pour yourself into the things that matter. Develop a mantra "What pulls me pulls me away from where I am needed" or "I can't do for others what I am not doing for myself" or something relevant to the whole situation. And then every time you obsess... repeat your mantra... I hope you feel better. High school totally sucked for me... Doesn't sound like it was good great for you either :(


    Answer by CooksWife at 5:31 PM on Dec. 27, 2008

  • First, I would confess to the best friend how you are feeling. Explain it just the way you did here. You will know by her response if you have a shot at getting back that 1:1 relationship. I was in a threesome situation in high school. For a while I was best friends with A, then B but we always included the other. I don't know how it worked, but it did. There was a time when A and B were best buds and I was left out but it wasn't so tough. There is one best friend I have now and I don't think I would like it to happen. If she isn't interested, believe that a power higher than yourself is giving you the notice that you do need to move on for your own good. There is a reason people come into and go out of our lives. The less we resist it, the better off we are. First though, we must be honest with the person and know for sure it is what we think it is. Best of Luck.

    Answer by happi-ladi at 5:53 PM on Dec. 27, 2008

  • "There is a reason people come into and go out of our lives. The less we resist it, the better off we are. " So true! I agree also with being honest. The biggest troubles I ever ran into was when I couldn't be honest with someone because they couldn't handle it. I should have just walked away then. Being honest is like the ultimate litmus test for friendships :)


    Answer by CooksWife at 6:00 PM on Dec. 27, 2008

  • Thank you for these answers. I already feel a bit better. I do agree that people come in and out of your life for a reason. This friendship caught me by surprise as she is the total opposite of me. She's outgoing, loves to have fun, the life of a party kind of girl. We have shared so much together and I don't know where to begin to find another friend to share things with. I love the responses and I will jot these thoughts down in my journal. When and if the right time comes, I will share my thoughts with her as I do believe in being honest.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:04 PM on Dec. 27, 2008

  • Where to begin?? Here of course :) I love Cafe to get away. And I can relate to having to start over. We just moved to OH from AZ and a very good friend of mine was there... Not to mention my bff since the 10th grade in our hometown of Atlanta. I literally have friends all over the world but no one next door, kwim? (although I am getting to know one here pretty well finally, lol) It's rough! But my friends on Cafe have been amazing. I got Christmas cards from some of them :) Just hang in there and know that what's meant to be will be!


    Answer by CooksWife at 6:12 PM on Dec. 27, 2008

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