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anyone believe in freestyle like parenting?

I am a new mom and have recently been considering being more like the parents of Dharma from Dharma and Greg. Are there any other moms who parent by letting their kids learn and live on their own ways? Helping them to connect with themselves and others on deeper levels? Letting them experience lessons and pain and love and beauty, nature, spiritual whatnot, and so on? I am not looking to be bashed by those of you that are strict about rules, but I am looking for advice from those who have chose a free-er life.

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chipper87

Asked by chipper87 at 6:12 PM on Dec. 27, 2008 in General Parenting

Level 6 (141 Credits)
Answers (14)
  • I let my kids learn from their mistakes but I am also there to guide them so they dont get hurt. Parenting isnt easy and it isnt possible to totally freestyle when raising kids. It makes for good tv though.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:16 PM on Dec. 27, 2008

  • My mom is a very freestyle parent. I wish she would have given me more guidance, more forewarning about the things I would come across. I have a little brother that is two years older than my son. A lot of the things she lets him do now drive me freaking crazy and worry me in regards to how my son will act as a response. I'm like, 'Mom, you think in the 17 years in between your children you would have learned something new.'
    tinykelsie

    Answer by tinykelsie at 6:17 PM on Dec. 27, 2008

  • I'm not sure basing your parenting techniques on a sitcom is the best plan.


    Kids need structure and guidance.  You don't have to be super strict, but setting limits is what allows to children to develop and mature.  If you ever meet any adults that were raised in a "freestyle" way you would see that they don't have the self control or determination to be self sufficient adults.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:17 PM on Dec. 27, 2008

  • Yeah, well that is a TV show. Lots of luck to anyone that does that in real life! Your kids would be hated by all. Total brats and total animals!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:20 PM on Dec. 27, 2008

  • You should probably research this technique and talk to adults who were parented in that way. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with it, but just be sure it's the right way for you and your family.

    I give my children boundaries and am somewhat strict, but I do give them room to be themselves and develop their own personalities. I have 3 very creative individuals, but they still must follow my rules.

    Good luck to you!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:24 PM on Dec. 27, 2008

  • I remember when I was young and thought about doing that. Then my kids turned 2 and I figured out that was probably not the widest idea in the world. Kids need guidance, and in fact they crave it. When you set boundaries and give them structure they are better for it, and they are more secure in themselves which gives them a higher self esteem and self confidence.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 6:29 PM on Dec. 27, 2008

  • Moderation is usually the best road in all things. I give my children a lot of choice and more freedom than many of the moms around here but I also have rules that I absolutely expect them to follow and when I say something it goes. WHY? b/c there are times when they just need to do what you ask quickly and without question. I do answer when there is time as to why I have the rules I do and I give them the freedom to make mistakes (within limits).
    I explain to them that it is my job to keep them safe and to help them become good (respectful) healthy adults and that involves things like no chocolate for breakfast, do not try to climb on the top of a fence/up the side rails (at 2 and 3), go to sleep b/c you are tired and eat your veggies etc. iT IS all about calculated risks and balance.
    MamiJaAyla

    Answer by MamiJaAyla at 6:55 PM on Dec. 27, 2008

  • And making mistakes is part of learning but there are mistakes you don't allow them to even attempt (like trying to climb on top of the stove)
    it is balancing the experiences that they are ready for and those they are not ready for. You may decide to let them experience just being tired after staying up when they are 9 years old but not at 4 b/c they are not yet emotionally/intellectually ready to make that connection.
    Hope that helps.
    MamiJaAyla

    Answer by MamiJaAyla at 6:57 PM on Dec. 27, 2008

  • I haven't seen that show- its been years and I can't remember how they parented. But there has to be a balance, in my opinion. My mother was too strict on me, and my dad never even noticed anything. There should be a balance, and I hope I am doing well with that with my dd. We let her do a lot more than we were allowed as children, but I also have rules in my house and we have time outs as discipline etc. So, as long as you are clear that you are the adult and they are the child and they should listen and obey, I think you could be more relaxed or laid back in some things.
    abigail824

    Answer by abigail824 at 7:23 PM on Dec. 27, 2008

  • I have been "free" with my child. I believe my job as a parent is to keep her from harm & to teach her how to be a good adult. My main focus is to teach her how to make decisions. Instead of yelling no I will explain why....that helps her to learn why we don't do things. Explaining how to see all the possible outcomes helps her to see how to make wise decisions.

    I do not make rules based on my own preferences. There is a logical reason for everything that we do. I always have the right to say no with no questions or explainations. The bottom line is about respect...we respect each other & treat each other as we want to be treated.

    My girl is 14, she is sweet, caring & shows empathy for others. She is a straight A student in higher learning classes, and I never have any trouble out of her. We talk about everything & she knows how to make smart decisions (so far).
    Wiggles_GA

    Answer by Wiggles_GA at 7:42 PM on Dec. 27, 2008

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