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How can i get my boyfriend to feel better about his 7 year old son moving out of our bed?

My boyfriend and I are expecting our first child together in April. He has a 7 year old son from a previous relationship. His son is with every other weekend and we have co slept with him up until now. While his son (Leopold) is accustomed to sleeping with us, he has his own bedroom and bed at his biological mothers house and has no problem sleeping in it. I have recently become uncomfortable with three people in our queen sized bed. I am pregnant and feeling like I want my bed back, not only is there not enough room for me to sleep comfortably with my growing belly, but I am starting to feel very protective of my personal space. I am planning a home birth and it feels invasive to still have the 7 year old in our bed.

how can i compromise and still keep my boundaries?


Asked by mamapudz at 2:37 AM on Dec. 28, 2008 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

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Answers (12)
  • This is not only what is best for you, but for the 7 yr old. It is unhealthy for him to sleep in bed with you guys. He needs a routine which includes him going to sleep in his bed. It will be difficult but the sooner the adjustment is made the better for everyone involved. His father is doing this out of guilt most likely and it is not beneficial to his son. He needs to set the rules and stick with them. I know he must love his son, u as well, but what is best for him is to be in his own bed at night. Bath, brushing teeth, tucking him in, maybe with a story, and bed is an option that may work. I hope all works out for you but with a new baby coming that is a big change so this should be done as soon as possible. You have every right to feel the way you do and it will be best for everyone in the long run. Communication is KEY!!!

    Answer by kris_orchid at 1:16 AM on Dec. 29, 2008

  • Start sleeping in another bed.

    Answer by mom2queenie2004 at 5:06 AM on Dec. 28, 2008

  • IMO, he's 7, it's time he slept in his own bed. . . what will happen when the baby arrives? Are there going to be 4 people in the bed? I would start getting him used to the idea from now, for his own sake. . . so he doesn't feel displaced or threatened by the baby, more of a "I'm a big boy" thing.

    Answer by Panditacjp at 11:03 AM on Dec. 28, 2008

  • He's old enough to sleep in his bed. If you plan to co sleep with your new baby, it will be hard with a 7 year old.

    Answer by LaurenKaye29 at 12:55 PM on Dec. 28, 2008

  • I think you need to talk to you boyfriend and see why he still wants his son sleeping with you. I would tell him how you feel and be honest with him. If he still wants his son to sleep with you then let him know that he needs to sleep in a different bed, You should not have to give up your bed, so let him know that.

    Remember to try and be understanding of his point, but be firm that you no longer want to sleep with his son in the bed any more.

    Good Luck

    Answer by cornflakegirl3 at 12:55 PM on Dec. 28, 2008

  • I would let him know that the next time he comes over their would be a sleeping bag he can use in your room but the bed is too small for three people. Slowly move it closer to the door each time he visits. That way he'll still get the closeness he needs and you'll have your bed back.

    Answer by dle4125 at 7:40 PM on Dec. 28, 2008

  • At 7 years old he is too old to be sleeping in your bed, he needs to be in his own bedroom.

    Answer by sammiesmom2000 at 8:29 PM on Dec. 28, 2008

  • A few things that work, (sometimes), with my 6 year old:
    1. Have a routine, pj's, brushing teeth, and reading a bedtime story or maybe singing a bedtime song or a prayer. A routine makes it go smoother usually.
    2. Have DH sleep in SS's bed or next to the bed for 5 minutes before joining you in your bed.
    3. Get him a sleeping bag, if he wants to sleep in your room once in a while he can sleep on the floor in a sleeping bag.
    4. If he likes to read you can give him a book to read to himself in his bed before falling asleep. (This is usually in addition to a bedtime story read outloud and instead of having DH sleep in there for 5 minutes.)

    It will take a while to break the co sleeping habbit, but by replacing it with new routines and habbits it will eventually become the new habbit. Good luck!

    Answer by AprilD32 at 9:00 PM on Dec. 28, 2008

  • One option could be to place a bed at the foot of your bed that is for when the 7yo sleeps over. He can still have that closeness that your SO obviously desires, and yet allow you the space that you need. Also check local laws, in CA for instance co-sleeping is considered ok until age 8. It could cause legal problems for your family if the authorities got information about co-sleeping past what is considered "an acceptable age".
    Good luck.

    Answer by indigostone at 9:08 PM on Dec. 28, 2008

  • I would guess that your boyfriend wants to sleep with him to keep him close because of the guilt that he has that he can't be with him all the time. However, he needs to consider your feelings, especially now that you guys are having a baby of your own. I would tell your boyfriend that his son cannot sleep in your bed any more, but he can choose to either sleep on the floor next to your bed or he can sleep in his own bed. Let his son make his choice of those two options, that way he feels like he does have a choice, but hold firm on the bed thing.

    Answer by slw123 at 9:19 PM on Dec. 28, 2008