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How do I talk to my mother inlaw about the way she treats my son?

my mother inlaw steps in and takes over when I am trying to disapline My son. How do I go about telling her to butt out?
I am out here with DH's Family Gma, mom, dad, aunt.. well they are the sweetest but when it comes to my son they step in and push me away when I try tp punish him. I do 1,2,3 time out or in very serious situations he gets a spanking and my loving mother inlaw butts in and takes over his "punishment" she does not seem to respect me when it comes to my son she tells me that he needs to go to bed and if I dont act she takes and puts him to bed herselfshe also gave him a nap when both his father and I agreed that he doesnt get naps anymore due to him satying up all night. so she gave him one and got angry at me when he was stil up at 1030pm
I honestly dont want to hurt anyones feeling or step on anyones toes but he IS MY CHILD!! errgghh please help if you can!! Thank you

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Asked by TravisJohnsmama at 2:43 AM on Dec. 28, 2008 in Relationships

Level 2 (6 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • This is an all too familiar situation for me. I can tell you now, you have to stop worrying about hurting feelings!! You don't have to be rude, but you do have to be straight forward. Tell her that you are teaching your child to not respect you when she shows you disrespect. If she gets upset, then she has to deal with it. You are the parent, you don't owe her an explanation for your decisions with YOUR child. My MIL is the exact same way, I tried so hard to be subtle, but finally had to throw a fit in order to get her to understand what I was trying to say. Just let her know how you feel before it becomes too big of a problem.

    Answer by Jazak at 2:52 AM on Dec. 28, 2008

  • I agree totally with Jazak. It also sounds like you are there visiting? If so, that's a good thing. At least you can go back home soon. But it sounds like you are doing things right by your son to my eyes. So, stand your ground. They will have no choice but to give you your respect in the end.

    Answer by hopelessnance at 3:51 AM on Dec. 28, 2008

  • I"m in the same boat as you. When my mil is around, I step out. If I don't, I will say something very hurtful. I too don't want a world war. But what I do, is go back and talk to my kids about what happened, and even though grandma said "this" I say "that" and what I say goes.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:15 AM on Dec. 28, 2008

  • sooner or later you will have to tell her to "butt off" anyway so you might as well get it over with now. try to tell her next time she tries to interrupt your methods of dicipline that you got the situtation under controle and dont need help you could even say thanks mom but i got this.. etc stay firm and calm
    if she continues you can have a talk over a coffee about how you feel when she does that. you know her better than we do so you ll know how to talk to her i just remember not to be nasty to her cause at the end she is still your mother in law

    Answer by glossyblack at 4:19 AM on Dec. 28, 2008

  • you can not pussy foot around when it comes to our kids. you have to just say I am his mom and I respect you but he is my child and I will make sure that he minds. If you do not do something about this now she will not stop and will not respect you as a mother. stand up for yourself she may get mad or shocked at you at first but she will respect you.

    Answer by homextownxgirl at 5:16 AM on Dec. 28, 2008

  • I for one would stop you from harming your child too. She should be applauded for not allowing you to spank your child.

    Answer by Chrissy629 at 6:39 AM on Dec. 28, 2008

  • First of all there is a BIG difference in hurting and a potch on the butt. Second MIL needs to butt the heck out. Telling her in a firm nice matter is what we are addressing here. good luck. I don't have much to do with my in laws they are mean hurtful ppl. My MIL was the same with my kids. telling them that only grandma loved them etc. not listening to our rules etc. Just ended up having to get mad and let her have it.

    Answer by orbitlynn at 9:52 AM on Dec. 28, 2008

  • Your hubby needs to talk to his mom about how the routine and discipline is going to work at his mothers home. You could spend some one on one time with MIL and say, "it seems like we aren't on the same page with discipline and routine. What do you think?" Ouch. That hurts to ask doesn't it? The only reason I say that is because she will tell you and then you can work something out, knowing what she is thinking. She may be uncomfortable with the spanking in her home and doesn't know how to tell you. It is your child and you need to maintain the routine you think is best. Let her know you want to do it yourself but you are open to her input when you are at her house especially. Truth is, she may be able to help you so open that door and listen, then she will repect your mothering and decision more easily (not that it is ever easy really!)

    Answer by happi-ladi at 9:56 AM on Dec. 28, 2008

  • I agree with the PP! When things are calm, I would broach the subject of discipline with your MIL. Explain to her YOUR philosophy, and allow her to explain HER philosophy. Chances are you both want the same results, but have different ways of expressing them, and maybe you cna both leanr from one another and find some compromise that works well for both of you.

    Ultimately, YOU are the parent, but I'd give it a try and see what happens.

    Answer by LoriKeet at 10:13 AM on Dec. 28, 2008

  • Just tell her....if you need help you will ask.....he is your child and you will parent him.

    Answer by ColleenF30 at 11:16 AM on Dec. 28, 2008

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