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My husband and I are going separate ways for now... what are my options

I am taking our 10 month old and trying to find a place. What are my options as a single parent? Where can I go? What can I do? I don't want to throw my husband out on the street, so I am going to be the one 2 look for a new place. Please help!

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sophia_12808

Asked by sophia_12808 at 2:42 PM on Dec. 28, 2008 in Relationships

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Answers (8)
  • With all due respect I think that it would be easier for your husband to find a new place b/c he's only looking for himself. Unless you have a relative that you could stay with and not be burdening it may be easier to change the arrangement.
    micrespo

    Answer by micrespo at 2:57 PM on Dec. 28, 2008

  • keep your options open, make sure you get what you need to help care for your baby, and try to keep things civil. I'm not really sure about how your finicial situation is etc. So it's hard to say more than that.
    xxhazeldovexx

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 3:01 PM on Dec. 28, 2008

  • HE SHOULD BE THE ONE TO LEAVE. HE SHOULD THINK ABOUT YOU AND YOUR CHILD. YOU CAN GO TO A SHELTER BUT THEY WONT TO KNOW ALOT OF INFO. ABOUT YOU. YOU PROB. WONT BE COMFORTABLE AND IT IS NOT STABLE FOR YOUR BABY EITHER. HE PROB. WONT LEAVE. I HAVE BEEN THERE BEFORE. KEEP YOUR FRIENDS CLOSE THEY WILL HELP YOU. GOOD LUCK. SOMETIMES FAMILY CAN BE WORSE AT TIMES THEN HIM. KEEP YOUR HEAD UP. I WILL PRAY FOR YOU.
    MIXED

    Answer by MIXED at 3:01 PM on Dec. 28, 2008

  • Good for you for being the stronger one in this situation. He is obviously not man enough for you if he is the one letting you and the baby go and look for another place to live! You are better off without him. Good luck to you. You will find a place. Just stay strong. And don't you dare feel sorry for him. I'd bet you everything I've got that he will come running after you once you are gone. If you think he would have been "out on the street" if he left, what do you think will happen anyway, once you are gone? Stop taking care of him and just look after you and your baby.
    hopelessnance

    Answer by hopelessnance at 3:05 PM on Dec. 28, 2008

  • I have to agree that he should be the one to leave. Your child is about to go through a major upheavel. Keeping things as stable as possible, like staying in the home he/she is familiar with, goes a long way toward helping with the transition.
    desert_diva

    Answer by desert_diva at 3:06 PM on Dec. 28, 2008

  • If u leave(which I think he should to make it easier on the baby), make sure u and he have a written agreement-not verbal about every little detail from the house to childcare to food to the bills. Trust me I am there right now w/a man who has broken every promise he has ever made me. Protect yourself and good luck. U need to be legally divorced from him to get ANY help financially from the government, or human recources, public aid. Get a lawyer.
    Bearsjen

    Answer by Bearsjen at 3:07 PM on Dec. 28, 2008

  • Get in touch with a lawyer up front so that you know what your options are; being educated arms you to make smart decisions for you and your baby. For example, you need to be aware of whose name is on the deed and the loan for the house. If your name is on that loan and he wants to be an ass, he can stop making payments to try to force you to pay; mine also tried to take equity out of our house behind my back. Consider what documents you need to prove his income and the household expenses (tax returns, paystubs, retirement account balances, checking account balances, etc). Take your money out of any joint accounts, and freeze any joint credit cards. If your name is on any of the utilities, switch them or cut them off. You don’t need him wracking up additional expenses when you’re trying to make it on your own with a baby. (cont'd . . .)
    B.Wright

    Answer by B.Wright at 2:59 PM on Dec. 29, 2008

  • (cont'd) Also, move out the important/expensive stuff up front in case things go sour. You don’t want to have to be in court battling to get back prized antiques or important photographs. You have a much better chance of keeping things if you have them upfront as opposed to trying to get them back later. If possible, limit his access to you to one phone number and one email so that you don’t have to worry about him harassing you at work and such if things go sour. Also, if your state is like mine, the court is likely to maintain whatever visitation arrangement you come up with during the separation, so be mindful of that as you guys come to an arrangement (formal or informal) on seeing the baby. As to his well-being, your concern for him at this point might best be limited to the extent to which he will be paying daycare and other expenses during the separation.

    Hope for the best but plan for the worst, okay?
    B.Wright

    Answer by B.Wright at 3:00 PM on Dec. 29, 2008

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