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I Feel Used-Would You?

I will try to make this short-My sons bf moved in with us in June because he couldn't get along with his stepfather-to the point that it was going to come to blows! I do care about my son's friend but here is the problem-My family has struggled financially all year especially the past 4 months. After child support, insurance and taxes my husband only brings home 75 dollars a week-we have 3 children 2 mine and 1 his + son's best friend-I make 300 a week. We have the bare minimal in bills no credit cards-nothing but basics and our bills are still 1400 a month-we are not on any financial aid programs so obviously we are always behind on bills-continued

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AlabamaGrl

Asked by AlabamaGrl at 3:09 PM on Dec. 28, 2008 in Relationships

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • HOW OLD IS THIS BF OF YOUR SON? CAN HE GET A JOB TO HELP OUT. OR CAN HIS FAMILY HELP OUT EVEN $30 OR SO WHEN THEY CAN. TALK TO THEM. I DONT WONT TO SOUND MEAN BUT YOU MADE THE CHOICE TO ALLOW HIM TO MOVE IN. YOU ARE HELPING HIM IN SO MANY WAYS. GOD WILL BLESS YOU. TRY TO APPLY FOR FOODSTAMPS OR SOMETHING. WITH ALL OF THE PEOPLE IN YOUR HOME THEY PROB. WONT DENY YOU. KEEP STRONG. THINGS WILL GET BETTER.
    MIXED

    Answer by MIXED at 3:13 PM on Dec. 28, 2008

  • so anyway now finally I will get to where I am going-so Christmas came around and I had only 50 dollars a piece to spend on our kids-I feel so bad about it but it was all we could do-but son's bf just went yesterday and got a 300 dollar tattoo (he is 16) that his mom bought and signed for. This woman has not offered me anything to feed, or house him and he eats a lot!!! but yet she could go out and buy this for him and I am the one that has taken care of him and I could barely buy anything for Christmas for my kids and some of the reason is because I take care of hers. Look I don't want to hurt this kid but I can't keep taking care of him without some help financially-could someone tell me how to go about this without being mean-HELP
    AlabamaGrl

    Answer by AlabamaGrl at 3:14 PM on Dec. 28, 2008

  • It was awesome of u to invite him but honestly u did it, and as for feeling used-no u really have no right to feel that way. Look into local food pantries to help w/food, and talk to sonand his frined about getting a jobs to help out.They both should contribute-it is sad when our kids have to work but it is reality sometimes. good luck and ty for helping that child.
    Bearsjen

    Answer by Bearsjen at 3:17 PM on Dec. 28, 2008

  • In response to mixed--thanks for the comment but I can't apply for food stamps because I don't have any kind of papers on my husbands daughter (whole other story but we are still paying her mom child support while she lives with us because we can't afford a attorney and that is the only way she would let her stay with us, and trust me this child does not need to be with her mother) and I don't have any custody of son's bf and on our gross income they say we make to much since we can really on use me my husband and my two kids
    AlabamaGrl

    Answer by AlabamaGrl at 3:17 PM on Dec. 28, 2008

  • I think what you are doing is great. But don't put yourself in a situation where you are going to end up resentful. You are not being mean by discussing the financial aspect of this arrangement with his mother. Tell her the situation. Be prepared, she may not "get it". She probably got him the tattoo out of guilt. Just keep it strictly business with her. Tell her that you are fine with him living with you, but that you expect some form of child support payments that you both agree on.
    hopelessnance

    Answer by hopelessnance at 3:26 PM on Dec. 28, 2008

  • What's the plan? Is your son's friend planning on living with you until he graduates or turns 18, or is this supposed to be temporary until his step-dad cools off? If it's going to be long term, I would recommend going to the court house and filing for custody and then pursue getting child support for him. Since he has a step dad, I'm assuming that the mom is getting child support from his father, and that needs to be forwarded to you. At the very least you need to tell his mom that you can't afford the extra mouth to feed and that you need her help. She can't know if you don't tell her.

    Lornamay

    Answer by Lornamay at 3:30 PM on Dec. 28, 2008

  • i am not trying to sound mean here, but, he is not your responsibility and you shouldn't take care of him without some kind of compensation. times are hard and people think nothing of a $300 tatoo if they don't have to pay for anything else. take your son aside and explain tohim about the extras and see if he will talk to the other. If he won't do it,then you need too.Maybe he should have been helping out some kind of way at his mom's and thats why him and the stepdad came to blows, or almost.YOUR children come first, no matter what.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:38 PM on Dec. 28, 2008

  • call his mom and tell her whats going on. ask her to chip in on supporting HER child. if she refuses then ask to come pick him up.
    (your doing good but people need to take responsiblitiy for their own children)
    momavanessa

    Answer by momavanessa at 3:39 PM on Dec. 28, 2008

  • Thanks for all your responses it just over whelms me because she does (the bf's mother) that we are having a hard time and she knows I have MS which means my medicine even though covered by insurance I still have copays all the time and she still offers nothing--to me I feel like I am failing my children because their like appreciative of what they did get for Christmas but when he came in talking about the 300 spent on his tattoo well they just had the look on their face like"I wish my mom could spend 300 on me"
    AlabamaGrl

    Answer by AlabamaGrl at 3:44 PM on Dec. 28, 2008

  • I'd just suck it up and make it work.
    If I took in one of my kid's friends, it would be to help give the child a better life, and that would be worth the little extra struggle..
    It may be one more mouth to feed, but it's one more heart to love.
    But at 16- I would be encouraging ALL of my teenagers to get jobs.
    Liyoness

    Answer by Liyoness at 4:47 PM on Dec. 28, 2008

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